


I reached through worlds to find your hand

by one_true_houselight



Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Anxiety, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Kidnapping, M/M, Minor Gwen/Miles, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Burn, Some angst, cursing, john mulaney - Freeform, many shenanigans, not accurate to comics, oh boy!, this is going to be fun, ummmm?, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-10-23 04:50:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 86,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17676791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_true_houselight/pseuds/one_true_houselight
Summary: The Spider-Fam is back together again! And something is happening between Noir and Ham. But trouble's afoot as a plot slowly forms surrounding all of them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Let's do this one last time.  
> I'm Erika, and I've seen this movie twice. I was riding home with my friend after the second time and made a joke about this crack ship, and suddenly I had the need and the power to write it. I made a one shot, some shitposts, and a discord icon, and now I'm taking it to the next level: A multi-chapter affair with some wonderful plot twists.  
> And I'm one of many fic writers. 
> 
> For real though, this is going to be a trip for all of us. I can't promise a consistent update schedule (I am Assistant Stage Manager for my college's next show, so I'm in rehearsal a LOT), but I will do my best to keep content coming. I will add character tags and CWs as I write, and any relevant CWs will be at the start of each chapter. 
> 
> One last thing. This will not be accurate to the comics for a lot of reasons, so just keep that in mind. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ham gets a couple of visits and thinks about old times. Peni plans a meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T KNOW I COULD DO THIS HELLO THIS IS CHAPTER ONE

Peter Porker was sitting on his couch reading Moby Duck after a long day at work. His spider suit was drying on a line in the same room over a bucket, and through the window he could see the rest of his laundry fluttering in the breeze outside. Sometimes, he wanted to just put the suit outside too, and tell everyone he had a cosplay. But he washed it too often to be a cosplay, unfortunately, and he figured if it was appearing every week, people would assume he had some _weird_ hobbies. 

As he turned the page, the phone started ringing. With a sigh, he hopped down from the couch and walked over to the phone. “Hello?”

“Peter, it’s Dani.” 

“I got home 20 minutes ago Dani, what do you want?”

“I want to run a story by you. Can I come over?” Dani was a new intern at The Daily Beagle, and Peter had taken her under his wing. She had come from less-than-ideal circumstances, and this internship was really important to her. She was a good kid, and Peter had quickly become like her older brother. His protective instincts led him to do things like that, adopting wayward kids, becoming a masked vigilante. He just sometimes has to remember that this girl apparently never ran out of energy. 

“Yeah, no problem. Just give me ten minutes? I’ve been at the office a lot this week, and I want to get some cleaning done.” 

“Sounds good! See you then!” Before Peter could speak again, she had hung up. He looked at the phone in wonder. She had been at the office just as much as him. Where did she get this energy?

He turned around to start cleaning, and stopped short at the sight of a horrifyingly familiar sight: amorphous black shapes were starting to swirl in his living room. He started backing away from it, reaching for a mallet. 

“NOPE. NOPE. I am not doing that again.” He swung his newly manifested mallet at the quickly forming portal. After a moment, however, he realized there was a key difference from last time: he wasn’t being sucked into this one. “What in the world…?”

The portal solidified into a four-foot wide circle, through which Peter could see a familiar young face. 

“Peni?” The young girl looked up from a small object she had been fiddling with. Her face lit up as she saw Peter. 

“Peter! How are…” She trailed off as she noticed his raised mallet. “Are you ok?”

Peter looked down at his hands. “Yeah, Yeah. Sorry.” He quickly pushed it back into his pocket. “I thought it was going to throw me into another dimension again. I do not care for that sh-stuff.”

“How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Fit that in your pocket.”

“Ohhhh.” Peter tested it out, watching the hammer balloon up and down as he moved it. “I don’t know kid. Cartoon logic.”

“Fair enough.” Peni went back to fiddling with the object in front of her. After waiting for a bit for a response to no avail, Peter spoke up. 

“Can I do something for you, Peni? I’m thrilled to see you and all…which, come to think of it. How _am_ I seeing you, Peni?”

“That’s what I’m here to talk about! I made something,” she said brightly, holding up a pink pendant. “I can create controlled portals to all of our universes. And I made more so you all can too!” She looked down at a pile of things on the work table in front of her. “Here’s yours.”

Ham watched as she pulled out a red and blue striped pendant and handed it through the portal. He carefully took it and examined it. It fit neatly in his hand, and the majority of the front face was taken up by a screen. He tapped the screen and it lit up with a cheerful ‘Welcome!’

“These look complicated, Pen.”

“Don’t worry, they’re pretty intuitive! We were all going to have a meeting tonight in about an hour. Does that work for you?”

“Yeah, that should be fine.” Peter turned the device over and over in his hand. “Look, it’s great to see you, and I’m excited for tonight, but I have someone coming over in a bit, and-“ he looked up to see that Peni had rolled her chair over to a monitor across the room. “Peni?”

“Fuck. Those bastards.” She pushed herself back towards the portal. “Peter, could you give this to 30s Peter? Damn, that’ll be confusing.” She threw him a black pendant before shooting back across the room and typing into an unseen keyboard. 

Peter instinctively caught the pendant and looked at it, flabbergasted. “Wait, what’s happeni- I don’t know how to use-language?” Peni looked up as Peter stammered. 

“Language? Really? I’m fourteen.”

“Still! Respect your elders!”

“Uh huh. Anyways, I have to go beat some people up, should be done when we meet. Just tap your screen twice, then pick his icon. It’ll do the rest. I’ll let you go, see you later!”

“Bye?” As Peter limply waved, Peni flashed him a peace sign, pressed a button on her pendant, and her and the portal disappeared. Peter stared at the spot where it has been for a moment, then looked down at the two pendants. 

“Well shit.” He walked over and dropped the pendants into a drawer in his side table. He quickly pushed back the flood of emotions and questions Peni’s appearance had caused, and started cleaning the living room. 

Just as he put the last late-night coffee mug in the kitchen, the doorbell rang. He took one last look at the living room. Couch clear, suit drying, coffee table neatened up-

FUCK. His suit. 

He froze, panicking. The ringing of the doorbell again made him jump high enough that he found himself sticking to the ceiling. 

“One second, Dani!” He ran across the ceiling and grabbed the suit, then flipped back to the floor. He looked around desperately before his eyes fell on the hall closet. He unthinkingly shot a web to open it as he ran over, threw the suit in, then swung it shut. He sighed, grabbed the web, cursed himself for shooting it, pulled the closet back open, threw it in, then shut the door again. He took a deep breath, then went and opened his front door. 

Outside stood Dani, a tortoiseshell cat wearing jeans and a sweatshirt from the Daily Beagle. She grinned at Peter before saying, “Thanks for meeting with me, sir!” 

Peter snorted. “You know you don’t have to call me sir, Dani. Come on in.” He let her in the house and pointed to the living room. “Sit down, Dani. Can I get you something to drink?” She shook her head as she sat on the couch and pulled some papers out of a drawstring bag. She carefully laid them out on the coffee table. Peter grabbed the rocking chair and pulled it up across the table from her and tried to read the sheets upside down. One was a newspaper with the headline

**CEO of Amazon Jeff Beezos awarded with a City Award of Altruism**

“Hey Peter, what’s up with the bucket?” Peter looked up, startled. 

“Um. Well. I had a leak in my roof. And then I fixed it.” He paused. “No other reason.” Dani looked at him with amused confusion. “That sounded suspect, didn’t it? I don’t know why I’m like that.” He laughed, hoping it hid his uneasiness. 

“Eh, it’s part of your aura.” Her grin made him relax. _You’d think I’d be better at lying given the circumstances,_ he thought. 

“So,” Dani started, grabbing the newspaper from under Peter’s hand. “Jeff Beezos. CEO, charity superstar, genius. Right?” Before Peter could answer, she drops the paper and said, “WRONG!” 

~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, all that leads me to believe that there’s not only a labor rights violation disaster in those factories, I think Beezos is actively trying to hide it.” Dani sat back with a grin. Peter, who was examining one of the photos she had brought, nodded slowly. 

“This looks really good, Dani. I think you’re ready to go to Steve.” 

Her eyes widened. “Really?”

“Yeah. This is real tight.” Her face lit up, and she quickly gathered up the papers. 

“Thanks Peter!” She shoved the papers in her bag, slung it over her shoulder and ran over and hugged Peter. He hugged back. 

“You doing ok?” She nodded. 

“Yeah. Things are looking up, I think.” She stepped back, grinned, and ran out the door. Peter walked over and locked the door behind her.

“That girl has some kind of energy potion, I swear.” He shook his head and went back to the closet and pulled out his damp suit. He shook it a bit and went and hung it back up. He looked at the clock on the wall. About 20 minutes before the Spider meeting. He shook his head a little, thinking back to meeting the other Spider-people. It had been…amazing, honestly. To know he wasn’t alone. With all the things that happened when he’d been in that other universe, it hadn’t really sunk in what it really meant to have these other people until he had made it home. After sitting staring at a wall for a while, he then realized he would never see them again. 

He had cried himself to sleep that night. 

But now it was a few months later, and he had worked through the sadness, and had been content with his memories. Until Peni has shown up. He supposed he had done a decent job of recovering given that he hadn’t cried again at the sight of her, but now he was seeing them again. He grabbed the two pendants out of the drawer and looked at them. He would get to see them again. 

He shook himself out of his thoughts and looked at the clock. 15 minutes. He should drop this off with ‘30s Peter’. Peni was right, they would have to come up with alternate names. He grabbed his colorful pendant and tapped the screen twice. Once again the welcome screen popped up, but this time it faded into a home screen with six picture icons. Each had the masked face of one of the Spider people, including him. He looked up and lined himself up with a wall. He breathed in, breathed out, then pressed the black and white face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spider Fam meets up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO AGAIN! Thank you for reading! Enjoy!

Peter Benjamin Parker flipped the collar of his jacket against the cold wind as he walked through the dim light of a lamp. He had been working another late night in order to get a story in the next afternoon’s paper, and he just wanted to go to bed. He quickened his pace through the grey-scale streets-no, the normal streets. There weren’t any other colors here besides his cube, and there wouldn’t ever be. 

He took a deep breath in, smelling imminent rain. Best just to think of the memories, he supposed. 

He climbed the stairs of his apartment building and unlocked his door, stepping inside quickly. He doffed his coat and hung it up, then walked over and got himself a glass of water. He leaned against the counter and drank it slowly. His eyes wandered his living room before landing on the cube sitting on a bookshelf. He wandered over and started fiddling with it in one hand. He had solved it a few times over the past few months, but it had always been more luck than any particular strategy. This time around, however, he was starting to notice patterns that he thought he could use to solve it more quickly. He should grab his notebook-

Without warning, black blobs appeared in front him. He swore loudly, pulled his gun, and hid behind an armchair, keeping the weapon trained on the forming portal. He gripped the upholstery, trying to brace himself for the coming force...that never came. The portal solidified into a hole, through which someone said, “Um...Peter?”

Before the voice could continue, he shot up from behind the chair, aimed his gun, and yelled, “What the hell do you think-” He watched as a pig standing on his hind legs screamed (yes, screamed) and dropped to the ground. 

“PETER FOR FUCK’S SAKE _DON’T SHOOT._ ” Thoughts were starting to connect in Peter’s head, but the adrenaline of the portal (and all that color, oh my god…) was keeping them from actually crossing his mind. He did, however, lower the gun ever so slightly. 

“Who are you?”

The pig slowly raised his head so he could look through the portal with a bemused expression. “How many anthropomorphic pigs do you know?”

Suddenly, everything clicked. Peter Parker slowly lowered his gun. “...Peter?”

“Yep, we’re both Peter. We met a few months ago? Stopped a super collider?” Peter Porker was slowly standing up, trying not to spook his monochromatic counterpart. Parker slowly reached out and touched his shoulder, an unreadable expression on his face. “You ok?”

Without warning, the black and white detective yelled with joy and jumped through the portal and picked Peter up in a hug, and started crying. “I...I thought I would never see you again. Any of you. I thought, I thought…”

Peter Porker hugged back, his own face now streaked with tears too. “You thought you were alone again.” He wiped his eyes. “Me too.” After a moment, Parker quickly put the other down. 

“Sorry, I got excited.” He quickly stepped back through the portal. 

“No worries, man. I’m excited too! Speaking of which, the reason I’m here…” Porker reached back and grabbed something off his coffee table. “Peni wanted me to give you this. It’s a device that’ll let us all contact each other.” He held out a small black pendant that seemed to have a screen on it. It looked similar to the phones in the other universe. “Just tap the screen twice, and it’ll show you everyone.”

Parker carefully looked at it, squinting at the screen. “Looks complicated.”

“That’s what I said too. But I guess I called you ok?”

“Fair enough.” Parker looked back up. “How’s Peni by the way?”

“She’s doing great, I think she had to go do some spider business before the meeting-” Porker snapped his fingers, saying, “THE MEETING. Yeah, are you available in about ten minutes?” Parker nodded. “Great, Peni was going to have conference call with all of us to talk about these things.” He held up his own, stripes of two different colors covering the whole thing. 

Peter Parker slowly sat down in the chair, staring straight ahead. After a pause, he quietly said, “I have to make dinner. Or at least a sandwich.”

Peter Porker nodded. “Alright! I’ll hang up, let you do that, and see you in ten, ok?” There was a moment of silence. “You...you doing ok?”

Parker nodded. “Yeah. Just still processing.” 

“Alright. See you in a bit.” With a quick wave, the other Peter pressed something on his device, causing the portal to vanish. Peter sat back and sighed. Then started crying again. He took a few deep breaths and slowed down the tears to the point he could see, decided that was good enough for now, and went to make himself something to eat, if only to keep his mind off the wait. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter sat back down with his sandwich and looked expectantly at the spot where the portal had appeared before. He was slowly getting used to the idea that he had been trying not to think about since his previous dimension hopping: that he really wasn't alone, and that he could see and talk to people like him. On a whim, he grabbed the cube and set it on the arm of the chair. Maybe he could get another color lesson in today…

“Hey, 30s Peter!” He jumped up and looked behind the chair. The portal had appeared there this time, and Peni was waving to him from the other side. He smiled at her as he walked around the chair to face the portal. Peni turned around and called, “30s Peter is here, you all!” Peter looked in to see the other four spider people turn around and wave at him. “Come on in Peter, it’ll be easier to talk.” Peter carefully stepped through into what looked like Peni’s living room. He slowly walked towards the larger group. 

“Hello again. It’s, uh, it’s nice-” Before he could finish, Miles and Gwen ran over and hugged him. Peter B followed behind and joined, and Peni and Peter Porker came behind him. 

From within the hug pile, Peni mumbled, “Hey, Peter?”

“Yes?”

“Yeah?”

“Uh huh?”

Everyone looked up to see the three Peters staring at each other. Peter B was the first to speak again. 

“Yeah, that’s not going to work, guys. We need nicknames.” Everyone nodded. “Well, mine is easy, I’ll be-”

“Peter B.” Both Peter B and Peter Benjamin spoke, then looked at each other awkwardly. 

“Well,” said Peter Porker, “You all can call me Ham, or Spider-Ham.” He turned to look at the other Peters. “That’s what I call easy.” The three kids snickered. 

Peter Benjamin looked back at Peter B. “I remember something you said when we met before, about something Noir? What was that again?”

“Noir is a genre of like, films. It’s set in your time period, has your same, um, color scheme.” 

“Then I’ll be that.” Peter B nodded. 

“Ok, well then, what nickname do I pick, what’s a defining trait about me-”

“Dating MJ!” Miles smiled innocently as Peter B wheeled around. The others gasped. 

“Peter, you’re kidding-”

“That’s fantastic!”

“I’m gonna cry.” Ham pulled a comically large handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his eyes. 

Peter B turned back around with a slight grin. “Yeah, we’ve been back...two months. Thank you so much, Miles, for telling them.”

“Alright,” said Gwen with a grin, “So we have Ham, Noir, and Dating MJ-”

“My name is not going to be Dating MJ-”

“Don’t worry we’ll change it to Engaged when it happens-”

“ _No._ ” Everyone was laughing besides Peter B, and he didn’t seem far from joining them, despite his tone. “OK, besides that, what’s a good nickname for me?”

“Peter, I’d be fine if you took Peter B,” Peter said, still chuckling. 

“Well, I don’t want to make a dichotomy of me being the only ‘normal Peter’ or whatever!”

Ham patted his knee reassuringly. “I appreciate the thought, buddy, but I don’t think either of us mind.” Peter B sighed. 

“But I wanted a cool nickname.”

“We’ll come up with one, don’t worry.” Noir noticed that Peni, Miles, and Gwen looked almost _too_ innocent as the former said this. Peter B noticed too, but seemed not to care. 

“Alright, now that’s settled.” Ham pulled out his pendant. “Let’s talk about these thing-a-ma-bobs.” Peni grinned and took her place in the center of the room, pulling out her pink pendant. Peter B and Noir sat down on the couch, Ham perched on top of one of the arms, and Gwen and Miles sat in front of it. They each pulled out their own pendants; Peter B had a red one, Miles a black one with his red spider, and Gwen had a white one with pink and black accents. Peni began talking, pointing to things on the device. 

“So, these portable dimensional travel units have a few features. You can create a hole to one dimension by pushing the face of who you want to see.” She demonstrated, picking Miles’ face on the screen. A portal appeared in front of her, and they could see Miles’ dorm room. “Now, if you wanted to add another portal, you would press this button, then the next face you wanted.” 

She started slowly turning in a circle, throwing shimmering portals up to each dimension. Once she finished, she sidled between two portals and came back around to the rest of the Spider-Fam. Miles raised his hand. “Miles, you don’t have to raise your hand.”

“Sorry. Um, how do we know where the portal will appear?”

“It’s locked onto our personal signatures, so it should open up where you are, or the last place you were in that dimension. I’m working on a way you could maybe move it.” Miles nodded. “Good question! Ok, when you want to close a portal, you double tap the face you want to close.” She demonstrated on four of the five portals. Peter B, at this point, had taken out a notebook and was furiously scribbling notes. 

“Can you move the portals when they’re up, Pen?”

“Yes! To do that, you press this side button, and-” As she pressed the button, the portal seemed to be sucked into the pendant. When she turned the screen around to show them, the scene from the portal was on the screen. “You should be able to talk through the portal this way, but not much else.”

“It’s like Eye Contact!” Peter B looked at Miles in confusion, who clarified, “That app where you can call people and see their face?”

Peter looked at Miles in confusion. “App?”

“It’s called Eye Contact where you’re from?” Gwen asked, looking confused. “It’s called Connectafriend in my dimension.”

Peter B looked flummoxed. “It’s called FaceTime for me…”

Peter leaned over to Ham and whispered, “What are they talking about?”

“It’s something you can do with a smartphone, Noir.”

“Smart...phone?” Peter vaguely remembered someone mentioning that during the Super-Collider-Extravaganza, but remembered exactly zero specifics. “I believe my phone is of average intelligence.” Ham snickered and gave Peter a thumbs up. Noir smiled back, not sure what he’d said. 

“Ohhhhh, I think I remember learning about that in History.” The others stopped talking and stared at her. 

“I forget you’re from the future some times, Peni.”

“I don’t,” she said with a serious expression. “I have to make sure I don’t screw up the timeline with the wrong information.” After a long pause, her expression broke and she laughed. “I’m kidding, we’re from parallel dimensions, it’s fine.”

Peter B let out a relieved sigh. “I didn’t want to have a Phineas and Ferb situation on our hands.”

“A what?”

“Anyways, to put the portal back up, press that button again.” As she put the portal on the other side of the room, a concerned look came over Peter B’s face. 

“Hey, Peni? How safe is it to hop dimensions like this? We started glitching last time, and that was not fun…” The five spider people who had been displaced shuddered a bit. 

“I’ve been doing tests on that, but it’s been hard since objects don’t react the same, and it would be unethical to test on, like, animals. I’m trying to see if maybe plants would work, but-”

Ham looked up. “Hey, my best friend is a begonia!” Peni looked surprised. Before anyone could enquire, Ham laughed. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. It was a bad joke. Hey, as the only animal in attendance, I have to lighten the mood sometimes.” Peter B put his face in his hand while Gwen and Miles giggled. 

“Well, ok. My tests are currently indicating you can spend about 24 hours without any glitching, so I would suggest trying to stick to 12 unless you absolutely have to go longer. I’m also working on something to extend that time, but that could take a while.” Peter B nodded in relief. 

Peni looked at the pendant carefully. “Alright, I think all that’s left is to get these attached to you.” 

“Permanently?” Gwen looked concerned. 

“No, no. I designed a few ways you could go about it. It could be a watch, or a necklace, or a keychain, or whatever. I have some cords, we can make those now.” The spiders stood up and followed Peni to a work table in the next room, where various sizes and colors of cord sat in neat strips, along with cases to protect the small devices. They quickly started working, passing each other cords and tools. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

About half an hour later, they were ready to go. Miles had made a braided cord with black and red cord, and had fashioned that into a loop to hang on a bag or belt loop. He was excitedly showing where he was going to put one of his stickers on the back of the pendant to Gwen, who had already attached hers to her keys with black cord. Peni and Peter B both attached theirs to their wrists with red and blue. Peter B looked over at Miles and Gwen. His eyes widened and he said, “It’s like a Tamagotchi!” 

Miles looked up with a grin. “I love those!” 

Gwen laughed. “Something we actually have in common, besides each other.” Everyone laughed. Peter finished up the final knots and slipped it around his neck. He had stuck with black cord for subtlety, except for the small loop of red cord connecting the pendant to the necklace. Ham had also done a necklace, his with blue and red cord. He had done a fancy knot that let him loosen and tighten it, and he was adjusting it around his neck, making sure it was hidden by his clothes. 

“We’re going to keep doing this, right? Meeting up, or even just talking?” Everyone looked at Miles, whose attempt at nonchalance was slightly broken by his expression. 

“I sure hope so, kid.” Peter smiled at Miles, who looked relieved. “Do we want to plan one now?”

“I can’t, I don’t have my calendar on me,” lamented Peter B. Peni lightly smacked her forehead. 

“I thought I forgot something. You can message on these!” She quickly showed how to on her pendant. Apparently, according to the others, this was a lot like ‘texting’. Peter decided he would ask about that another night. 

Another night. He would get to see them again. He fiddled with the pendant, already one of his most treasured possessions. He wouldn’t have to be alone.

Everyone started saying goodnight, hugging each other and laughing. Once everyone had seen everyone else, they each made a portal to their dimension and stepped through. With a final wave to Peni, Peter closed his portal. He yawned and looked at the clock. Shit. It was later than he would have liked. But it was worth it. He’d had less sleep for worse reasons. With a smile he couldn’t seem to shake, Peter wandered to bed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani and Ham have a less-than-comfortable conversation for one of them. Noir and Ham talk about life. Someone finds out about the portal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the positive response to this story! Also, a special shout out to my friends for helping me with this and letting me yell in the groupchat about it!
> 
> @stella-clara on tumblr, and stellaclara on AO3
> 
> and @canvasoforange on tumblr
> 
> Enjoy!

Spider-Ham watched from the ledge of a nearby apartment building as the police led the pair of dogs that had been stealing art away from the scene. He took a few deep breaths and rubbed his shoulder. He winced as he hit the bruise from being thrown into a wall a few minutes prior. He knew it would heal in the next couple of hours, but that didn’t help the now. 

He sighed and stretched, then swung down to where a familiar officer stood writing on a notebook. “Officer DeSpoto. Anything I can do for you?” The canine police officer glared at him. 

“You know I don’t like you, Ham.” 

“You don’t need to like me in order for me to do something.” 

“Don’t be smart with me.”

Ham grinned. “Don’t worry, sir. I’ve never been smart with anyone. I’m a known dumb-“

“Just get out of here, Spider-Ham. I don’t have time for your shenanigans.” Ham gave an overly dramatic salute before shooting a web to a building to start getting home. 

Ham, having swung this route many times before, started to go through his to do list. He needed some more almond milk, the laundry was piling up, he had some photos to edit…

A few minutes later, he found himself in the woods behind his home. He quickly climbed a pine tree and looked through the needles at his house and the street beyond. When he confirmed that was clear, he checked the houses on either side. Curtains pulled. Good. 

He shimmied down the tree and quickly ran to his house, pulled out his keys, and let himself in. Once the door was locked, he pulled off his mask and stretched. He wandered into the kitchen, grabbed a Croak-a-Cola, and drank half of it. As he grabbed an ice pack for his shoulder, he thought about how crazy this job really was…

He jumped a bit at a knock at his front door. Before he could react further, he heard a familiar voice call out, “Peter, it’s me! I want to show you something!” 

“Hey Dani!” Peter called, fighting the panic in his voice, “Give me a few minutes, ok?” He put down the ice pack and sprinted upstairs, already starting to wriggle out of the suit. He barreled into his room, got the suit the rest of the way off, then ran to his drawers. 

_Shit._ All his T-shirts were in the laundry. He had fallen behind on that. He grabbed a tank top he usually used as an undershirt due to the weird logo for his aunt’s failed Catzercise class: an awkwardly posed photo of her with a ludicrously sized barbell. He hopped into some sweatpants and ran back downstairs just as Dani said, “You ok?”

He threw open the door. “Yep! Just had to…get changed,” He let her in and followed her to his living room. “I’ve got to grab an ice pack, you want anything to drink?” 

“Water’s fine.” Peter grabbed a cup as he heard Dani turn on the tv. He heard a report about the art theft came on over some exciting music. After filling the glass with water, he grabbed the ice pack from the counter and walked in as a video played of him swinging out of the building. Dani accepted the glass, looked at him holding the ice pack, and asked, “What happened?” He watched as the news showed him stumble a little on the landing, and remembered the impact shooting through his body to his now-injured shoulder.

“Uhhhh...I tripped.” Dani had turned around to keep watching the tv and nodded, seeming to take his lackluster explanation at face value. “What did our friendly, neighborhood Spider-Ham do this time?” he asked, using the wall to keep the ice pack on his shoulder. 

“He stopped some art thieves, I think.” Dani snorted derisively. “ _Friendly, neighborhood Spider-Ham._ Who does he think he is?” Peter froze. Dani continued, “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m sure he’s done a lot of good. But he just does whatever the hell he wants, and then swings off when things have to get cleaned up.” She was quiet for a moment.

“You ok, Dani?” Peter was surprised his voice stayed even. 

“Yeah...when I was younger, with my second foster family, Spider-Ham busted the couple’s son for something. And because he did, they decided that they needed to focus on their ‘real family’.” She said the last part with the unhidden disgust that it deserved. Peter didn’t know what to say. She sighed before admitting, “I know it’s silly. I know it’s not his fault. But when you’re ten, and being bounced to a new family _again_ , and you have to convince yourself it wasn’t your fault so you can sleep at night, a superhero you’ll probably never meet is a pretty safe scapegoat, I guess.” 

Peter shifted uncomfortably. He’d certainly had people complain about his vigilante behavior before; hell, it has just happened with DeSpoto. But it was a new experience to have a friend do it. He wasn’t sure that her not knowing it was him made it better or worse. Not knowing what to say, he settled on a simple “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for? Not your fault.” She turned to smile at him, and Peter smiled back, hoping his thoughts didn’t shine through. “Anyway,” she said, quickly opening her bag, “I came here to show you something, not tell you my tragic backstory.”

Peter laughed at that, and she pulled out a red and blue scarf and held it up proudly. He reached out and felt it before exclaiming, “It’s so soft! You made this?”

“Yeah, for you!” She handed it over to Peter before continuing, “I wanted to make you something once I got good enough at knitting, and I noticed you like to wear these colors!”

_She didn’t know how right she was._

“I love it, Dani. You know how cold I get.” All of the Spider-Fam did, actually. Their last meeting had ended up becoming a large pile of people and blankets, and Peter’s heart hurt just a bit at the memory. He wished he could tell Dani the truth. She was probably the closest to family he had, besides Aunt May (and that was a weird relationship, to say the least). But it would be dangerous for her no matter what, and after what she had just confessed…

He pushed all of that out of his head and wrapped the scarf around his neck. No use getting worked up over it. He knew it wasn’t a rebuke against him, and it wasn’t even a rebuke against Spider-Ham. He knew pieces were left behind he wasn’t qualified to deal with, and he’d made peace with that, partly through his day-to-day job. He could investigate and call out forces he couldn’t just punch out of the way as Ham, and hopefully keep innocent people like Dani out of the aftermath. 

Firmly burying his discomfort, he posed with the scarf. “How’s it look?”

“Fantastic, Peter.” Dani checked her watch and cursed loudly. “Shit, I have to go. I have a meeting with Bill.” She closed her bag, swung it onto her back, and walked to the door, Peter following. 

“Have a good day, Dani. Thanks again for the scarf.” Dani smiled and waved and hurried down the steps. Peter closed the door, locked it, then leaned forward, putting his forehead on the smooth wood. As he adjusted the ice pack on his shoulder, he felt his pendant vibrate against his chest. He fished it out with his free hand and looked at the screen. There was a message from Noir:

> Are you still available to talk?

All of the Spider-Fam had met up to talk in various combinations over the last month since their first meeting, and Noir and Ham had made it a regular thing. Or, at least, as regular as you can as a masked vigilante. Peter smiled and quickly responded:

> Yeah of course! :)

A moment later, a new message popped up:

> What is :) ?
> 
> Turn it sideways, Noir. 
> 
> It looks like a smile. 
> 
> Yep!
> 
> Interesting. :) I will call you in a moment. 
> 
> Great!

Peter let the pendant drop and wandered into his living room. He almost sat down, but realized he was holding what was less of an ice pack and more of a small water bed to his shoulder. He started walking to the kitchen to get a new one, but decided to wait for Noir to call so the portal didn’t end up in the hallway. He knew he could move it, but he thought this would be more logical…

As he debated the logic of portal location, the familiar black shapes manifested in his living room, making the decision for him. He perched on the coffee table behind him, watching the portal take shape. Soon, the circle opened, and he saw Noir sitting in his grayscale armchair, playing with the Rubik’s Cube. The monochromatic man looked up at Peter, and he smiled. 

“Hello, Ham.”

“Noir! What a surprise!”

Noir looked at Peter with confusion. “We just messaged about meeting, Ham.”

“It’s a joke, Noir.” Noir nodded thoughtfully. “Anyway, how the hell are ya?”

“I’m doing well. I just finished a story at work. How are you?”

“I’m doing ok! I just stopped some art thieves, hurt my shoulder a bit. Speaking of which, I have to get a new ice pack.” 

“Ice pack?” Peter looked down at the warm, jiggly rectangle in his hand and realized they probably hadn’t been invented yet in Noir’s dimension. 

“Yeah, it’s this.” He handed the pack through to Noir, and it almost slithered out of his hands. “You can freeze it, and then use it on an injury, or to keep your lunchbox cold, and then you just freeze it again.” 

Noir had put down the Rubik’s Cube and was using both hands to play with the ice pack. “Reusable ice…”

“Yeah! Give me a second, and I’ll grab a frozen one to show you.” Noir nodded, and Peter walked quickly to the kitchen. As he grabbed a new pack, he noticed the half-finished can of Croak from before. It made him think of his conversation with Dani, and he sighed a little before continuing back out to the portal. 

Peter held out the cold pack to Noir, who carefully poked at it with a finger. He hissed a little at the cold and remarked, “That’s impressive. And very cold.”

Peter laughed a little and put the ice on his shoulder. The bruise had almost healed, but the cold helped soothe the lingering soreness. “You have a fridge? I don’t know where you’re at tech wise over there.” Noir nodded, so Peter said, “Cool! No pun intended. Want me to get you some ice packs? They’re really nice after a fight.”

Noir’s eyes widened. “You would do that for me?”

“Of course. We Spider-people have to look out for one another.” He winced internally at that, the conversation from before still echoing in his head. 

“Are you ok, Ham?” Peter looked up in surprise. He must have not winced as internally as he thought. 

“Yeah, I just…” He chuckled a little. “This is going to sound silly, but I just found out a good friend of mine doesn’t like Spider-Ham? And, you know, I know I can’t be liked by everyone, and she’s not saying she doesn’t like me, but it’s still...I’m just glad I have you all to talk to, I guess.”

Noir nodded solemnly and reached through the portal to pat Peter on the back. “I understand. The nature of our lives is secretive, and we have to make decisions that have no good solution. We can’t be perfect, Ham. And I know your friend still loves you, because you’re a good person.”

“Thanks, Noir.” Peter put his own hand on Noir’s and smiled. “This job gives a new meaning to work-life balance, doesn’t it?” Noir laughed, squeezing Peter’s shoulder one last time before letting go and going back to the ice pack. He tried to hand it back through the portal, and Peter waved him off, explaining, “Keep it. I’ll get it back when I get you your own.”

Noir nodded and placed the pack carefully on the table next to his chair, then picked the Rubik’s cube back up. “I think I am close to solving this…” He paused, looking to Peter for help. 

“Rubik’s Cube.”

“Rubik’s Cube, again.” Noir sounded out the name carefully, seemingly trying to commit it to memory. “I have one side done, and I am starting to see some patterns from previous times.” 

Peter whistled. “Well done, man! Those things always confused me a little, not gonna lie.” He laughed and settled down on his couch as Noir continued to fiddle with the cube, and they talked about their lives, both reveling in the glow of truly not being alone. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At one point, Peter went upstairs and grabbed his mask in order to ask a question about construction and comfort. Neither Spider-person noticed the car pass on the street outside Peter’s window through the crack in his curtains. 

Inside the car, the passenger was complaining about having to take a detour through this neighborhood until he noticed something on the monitor in front of him. He had cameras around his car to scan the surroundings, and this camera had picked up on something peculiar. 

He saw someone wearing what looked like a Spider-Ham costume, which wasn’t weird in and of itself; Many people admired the masked crusader. What caught his attention was the shining disk in front of the masked individual with an arm reaching out of it, seemingly holding an object too small for him to make out. 

The doctor quickly made a note of their location, intrigued at this new phenomenon. It would have to be investigated further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmm... I smell a PLOT developing!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miles gets some...help with his homework
> 
> Noir finds a case and learns some colors
> 
> And we find out who wants to know about the portal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! Just stopping in to let you know that this chapter contains discussions of anxiety and discussion about the effects of the increased healing factor of Spider-people, including some mildly graphic imagery. If, after reading, you need me to tag it better/differently, please let me know! Thanks!

“Hey Noir, we need the calculator again.” Peter looked up and silently handed the calculator back to Peter B. The Spider-Fam had been meeting for two months now, and Peter still found new things to wonder over. This time, they were helping Miles with math homework in his room, and Peni was showing him how the calculator worked (“I remember these from my Ancient Technology class!”). Peter B and Gwen were seated on either side of Miles at his desk, arguing over the best way to solve the problems, and Ham had fallen asleep on top of the small shelves next to the desk. Peter and Peni were perched on the top bunk bed, occasionally calling encouragement down to the desk crew. 

Peter looked around the room and did his best to remember all the names of the colors. The sheets on the bed were blue. The lamp made yellow light. The building outside Miles’ window changed color, switching between red and blue and orange and pink… He was getting a little better at them all, but the names seemed to shift in his head like sand in an hourglass. Sometimes he’d remember a color one day, and forget it the next. He figured it had to do with the fact that he had limited exposure to them; even though he visited with everyone as often as he could, they all had lives they had to lead, so he still spent the majority of his time in his world of black, white, and so many shades of grey. 

From below, Peter B muttered, “What’s the point of this, anyway?” Gwen smacked him slightly on the arm. “What?”

“Miles has to do it, Peter, there’s no sense in shit-talking it.” 

“Hey, language!”

“Peter, I know those words, man.” Peter B huffed at the two teenagers. 

Peni looked at Peter and rolled her eyes. “A lot of math getting done, huh?” They both laughed quietly. 

Peter turned himself a little to face Peni, blocking out the bickering from below. “How have you been, Peni?”

“Good!” She smiled and continued, “I’m learning about the Third Golden Age in history, and they just let me into the advanced coding class. Um...I broke my arm a few days ago.” She said the last part in the same tone as the previous, much lighter topics, and it threw Peter for a loop.

“Are you ok? Did you get it set in time?” Every Spider-Person had stories of breaking bones in the middle of a fight, only to have it heal incorrectly by the time they tried to set it. Peter B’s nose was broken three years ago, and it healed wrong. He decided to leave it until it was inevitably broken again, rather than rebreaking it to fix it. When you broke something like a leg or rib, though, it was harder to choose that option…

Peni nodded. “Yeah, someone there had first aid experience. The only issue was that it happened out of Sp//dr mode, so they wanted me to go the hospital and get a _cast_.” Peter nodded, remembering how just last week his friend Ben had tried to get him to see a doctor after he got scratched up in a thorn patch on an assignment. He had to wear clothes covering his arms and legs in the spring heat for a week so Ben didn’t notice his absent wounds. 

Peter looked down and saw that Peni did not, in fact have a cast on. “How did you get out of it?”

“I didn’t, unfortunately. I had to wear the damn thing for _three days_ , even though it was healed in a few hours.” She rolled her eyes. “Sucks, right?” Peter stared at her, open mouthed. “What?”

“Casts have to be worn for much longer in my universe.”

Peni’s eyes widened. “I forgot about that. Wow, that must be awful!”

“Luckily, I’ve gotten skilled at hiding larger injuries so people don’t feel the need to follow up on them.” 

“You’re skilled at hiding a lot of things, aren’t you?” Peter looked at Peni in surprise, taking in her suddenly serious expression. She sighed before saying, “We all are, huh?” Peter put a hand on her shoulder and tried to figure out what to say. 

“I don’t hide things from you all. I don’t have to.”

“That’s not what I’m saying. Don’t get me wrong,” she added quickly, “I’m so happy I have you all. But, you can’t be there all the time, and I think I...we need to get better at sharing what we can with people, you know? We all need more than one support system.” Peter nodded, surreptitiously wiping a tear from his eye. 

The moment was broken when Peter B started moaning loudly and sliding out of his chair to the floor. Before either could ask, Gwen looked up, rolled her eyes, and said, “He’s just frustrated with the math.”

Miles stopped writing and looked down at the still complaining man. “Peter, I think I get it now. You can take a break.”

“But now I _want_ to understand it,” muttered Peter B, still under the desk. 

“Peter, get up, I don’t have a place to put my feet.” Miles reached under the desk and effortlessly pulled him up by his collar; Spider-Strength had its benefits. “Besides, don’t you have, like, a chemical engineering degree?”

Peter B, not making an effort to stand up, glared at Miles and Gwen. “Yeah I do, and we didn’t have to deal with _transparent_ lines, or whatever the-”

“Transverse lines.”

“Yeah, ok.” Peter B finally stood up and dusted himself off. Gwen tried (and failed) to hide a yawn behind her hand. The older man looked at her and said, “Yeah, same Gwen. I think we should start moving towards the door. Or, uh, portal.”

Peter and Peni clambered down from the bed, and everyone started hugging and saying goodbye. Everyone, that is, save Ham, who was still passed out on the bookshelf. Peter could see him breathing slowly under a two-toned scarf (he thinks red and blue?), so he didn’t worry too much. As goodbyes were finishing, they all started to try to wake him up to no avail. He had come in that day complaining of a 37-hour day (“longest day I’ve had since the DC Viper case”), and had fallen asleep within thirty minutes, despite the intervals of bickering next to him. 

After a few minutes of unsuccessful rousing, the other five decided someone should just bring him home so Miles could focus on his work. Peter volunteered, seeing Gwen’s continued yawning, Peni’s lowered shoulders, and Peter B constantly checking his watch. He checked to make sure Ham still had his pendant, then picked him up. Even though he knew picking Ham up wouldn’t be hard, he was still surprised just how small he was. Ham was one of those people whose personality made him seem bigger than he was...in a good way, of course. Peter carefully shifted Ham to one side so he could use his own pendant. Portals started appearing around the room as everyone started heading home. Peter watched as the one he called solidified to show the colorful living room of Peter Porker’s home. He stepped through and looked around, trying to decide what to do. 

He felt awkward bringing Ham up to his bedroom, but wasn’t sure how comfortable the couch would be. He tried to estimate how long the couch was compared to his sleeping friend, decided he had enough room, and carefully put him down. He slipped a pillow from the end of the couch under his head, and moved the end of the scarf to drape over his body. He watched as Ham shifted and muttered in his sleep. Satisfied with his work, Peter awkwardly waved and made a portal to his dimension. He wanted to get some sleep too.

~~~~~~~~~

A few days later, Peter sat at the Daily Bugle, reading through a report on the movements of anti-prohibition activists in the past month. He sensed someone sidling up to his desk and looked up to see his friend and coworker Ben standing over him.

“Hello, Ben.”

“Peter, I can never sneak up on you, can I?” Peter had known Ben for years now, and had learned a lot about the job from him. Ben didn’t know about Spider-Noir, but Peter knew he picked up on the inconsistencies inherent in the role. Luckily, Ben seemed to take his excuses at face value and didn’t use his investigative skills against him. Peter still tried to keep those oddities to a minimum, though; a person could only take so much strangeness, after all.

Peter spun the report so it faced Ben and asked, “What do you think about this, Ben?” Ben looked down at the paper and chuckled. 

“I think it’s working, Peter. I heard from someone that there were rumblings about overturning the 18th.” Ben looked pleased, and Peter remembered that Ben had been able to drink when Prohibition began, and he was pretty sure the older man still did on occasion (though he would never try to confirm it). “If it does, Pete, I’ll buy you your first drink.”

Peter smiled noncommittally. He had certainly known of the speakeasies around the city, and could have pretty easily gone to one at some point, but he had always been nervous about how his Spider-Sense would be affected by alcohol. Given that he could only deal with a small amount of coffee, he figured it wasn’t worth experimenting with. But, now that he was thinking about it, he realized he could ask the Fam about it next time he saw them. Ben might not get to give him his first drink after all…

“Mr. Parker, a letter for you.” The voice of Brian shook Peter out of his thoughts. He carefully took the outstretched letter with a quick ‘thank you’ and looked at the front. It was addressed to him at the paper, and didn’t have a return address. He dropped it to his desk and pulled out a handkerchief to continue handling it. As he did this, Ben quickly circled the desk to be behind him. They almost held their breath as Peter carefully tore open the letter. 

He pulled out a single sheet of paper, neatly typed lines of text almost filling the page. Peter skimmed the letter, phrases like _‘lost two fingers in the machinery’_ and _‘someone passes out once a week’_ jumping off the page and lodging in his head. His eyes flicked around until he found a familiar name: Fisk. 

“I’ll be damned,” Peter said as he looked up at Ben’s horrified face. “If this says what I think it says…”

“Yeah. We might have something on Fisk. We might be able to make something stick.” Ben’s face was unreadable. This man had been dealing with Fisk for years now, longer than Peter had been at the Bugle. This letter was _huge_. “I’m going to go talk to people about this. See how we should move forward. Don’t want to mess anything up.”

“I’ll file the letter, Ben. We’re going to get him this time.” Ben grunted and walked off. 

Peter knew it was nearing the end of the work day, but couldn’t stop looking around for Ben to return. He finished up the notes on the protests, cleaned up his desk a little (it had really been getting away from him), and was just finishing the last couple of new files when Ben walked over. 

“It’s going to be a bit before we can get started on this, Peter. You should go home and get some rest.”

“Alright, Ben. Have a good night.” Ben started to walk away. As Peter grabbed his coat, though, he turned back around and looked him in the eye. 

“You be careful now, Peter.”

“I will.” Ben nodded and walked away. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Peter hurried home that night. Once he got there, he quickly started donning his suit, intending to go do some investigation of his own. But he stopped as he held his mask in his hand; he had swung by Fisk’s factories before, and the security on them was _very_ good. He didn’t want to alert Fisk that he was looking into him, possibly ruining the element of surprise they had going for them. Peter sighed and looked at his watch, and remembered that he had a meeting with Ham in half an hour anyway. He looked down at his suit and decided he didn’t feel like changing yet. Checking his watch again, he wandered into the kitchen to get something to drink before Ham called. 

~~~~~~~~~~

“...and then BLAM-O, I knocked him out with my hammer. Bastard never saw it coming.” Ham was lying on his couch, fully suited up except for his mask, which was pulled up to show his face. He had just come back from the fight he was describing when he called, and Peter had watched as a small cut on Ham’s face slowly healed as he told his story. “Then,” Ham continued, “I webbed him up, exchanged some witty repartee with my favorite police officer, and came here!” He slowly sat up and stretched, then looked at Peter, cocking his head to the side. “How’s your day been?”

“It’s been...interesting. Late in the day, I got a letter about some possible labor rights violations in a big business downtown. It’s a guy the police and the Bugle have been trying to nail for a while, so I’m not going Spider on them for the moment, before you ask.” Ham nodded. “Um...oh!” Peter opened the drawer of his side table and grabbed the Rubit’s Cube ( _is that what it was called?_ ) and showed it to Ham. “I solved it yesterday.” 

Ham gasped in delight. “Well look at that, you puzzle-solving champion!”

“I also think I’m getting better with the colors.”

“Want me to quiz you?” Rather than answering, Peter tossed the cube through the portal. Ham webbed it out of the air and turned it around a few times. 

At one point, Peter pointed at the cube. “That side’s white.”

Ham snorted. “You have that one, silly. I’m trying the other colors.”

Peter laughed a little. “Fair enough.” Ham continued spinning the cube before finally choosing a side and showing it to Peter. Peter stared at the color, remembering the leaves on the trees in the other’s universes, but the name of the color seemed to be hidden in the wind that whispered through them... 

“Purple?”

“Nope. Purple is like...those flowers in Peter B’s window? Or that really soft hoodie Gwen has?” Peter nodded and kept thinking. 

“Blue?”

“Nope. That’s this part of my suit,” Ham said, pointing to his chest, “or water, or-”

“The sky.” That had been one of the things that had struck Peter the most during the Super-Collider-Incident; how big and intimidating and _incredible_ the sky had been. The first time he saw color, and above him was this big expanse of it, stretching to infinity... 

Ham smiled. “Yeah, like the sky. Another guess?”

Peter stared at the cube, the color of that scientist’s robotic arms, the color the grass that seemed to just be everywhere in the other universes...grass…

“Green!” Ham reached into what seemed like thin air and pulled out a noise maker. He blew into it, letting it stretch comically far, far enough to lightly bop Peter on the nose. 

“Good job, Noir!” Ham made the noisemaker disappear, and lapsed into silent thought. Peter saw a slight frown cross his face. 

“Are you alright, Ham?”

Ham looked up at Peter and smiled slightly. “Yeah, it’s just...you know I’m proud of you, right? And that I’m glad to have you as a friend.”

“I know,” said Peter, a little confused. “And I’m glad to have you as a friend too.”

Ham didn’t seem to hear Peter as he rushed on, “I mean, you’re learning colors that you’ve never seen before! And you’re doing amazingly, and you’re so patient, and willing to learn, and...I sometimes make a lot of jokes, and sometimes they’re not the nicest, and I just don’t want you feeling bad. You’re great.” He looked back at Peter, his hands endlessly fidgeting with nothing. 

Peter quietly stood up, stepped through the portal, and indicated the seat next to Ham, asking to sit. Ham nodded, and Peter sat down and looked at Ham, watching the fear race through his eyes. Over the past two months, Peter had learned that Ham tended to over think things, and got nervous easily. One night, after Ham had a rough work day followed by a very high stakes battle, he had called Peter over, and he had helped wrap Ham in a blanket and let him lean into Peter’s side until he stopped shaking. Peter could tell the same thing was happening here, so he hugged Ham and started talking, keeping his voice calm and even. 

“Hey. None of your jokes have hurt me, Peter. OK?” Ham seemed to calm down a little at the use of his real name. “You all have been so nice teaching me things, and I’m lucky to have you in my life. I love you all a lot. You’re just fine.”

Peter could feel Ham trying to take slow breaths, so he did too, hoping it would help. Soon, their breathing synchronized, and they sat for a while, breathing in and out, in and out. Peter felt the tension slowly leave Ham’s body, and they kept breathing in and out, in and out…

“Thanks for taking me home a few nights ago. Never got a chance to thank you.” Ham’s voice was much more even, which made Peter pleased. 

“No problem. You needed the sleep.”

Ham laughed. “Tell me about it.”

Suddenly, Peter heard yelling through the portal, and his Spider-Sense started ringing like a bell. Ham looked up too, clearly feeling the same thing. Peter quickly hurried through the portal, his friend not far behind. Looking out his window, he saw a group of at least fifteen men fighting in the street below. He recognized a few of them from local crime syndicates, and there were enough on either side for him to know neither group was up to any good. 

“Shit.” Peter quickly pulled his mask on, shaking out the stiffness in his limbs. 

“You want some help?” Peter looked down to see Ham had pulled his mask back on. He looked back out the window at the sea of fighting limbs. 

“If you’re up for it, I certainly wouldn’t mind. They’re all probably drunk enough to not freak out at the color.” The two fist bumped (one of Peter’s favorite things the Fam had taught him) and ran out the door. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The doctor rolled around to face the two other creatures in the room, his face hidden in shadow. Behind him, a screen was paused showing a black and white human and a pig, both in what seemed to be Spider-Suits through a crack in the curtains of a small house. Across from the two masked creatures was a colorful circle suspended in midair. “So that’s what I’ve found. There is this _fascinating_ phenomenon that I wish to explore further, but most ways to do so do not have the discretion I require. Will you help me?”

The two other creatures in the room, a large polar bear and a buff mongoose looked at the doctor for a while. Finally, the polar bear nodded slowly. 

“I think we can come to an arrangement, yes. Especially if there’s Spider...creatures involved.”

The figure in the wheelchair wheeled into the light, revealing himself to be a older cat. “Oh, I don’t care about the spiders, Barty. But, I suppose you will have to get close to them to investigate this. We will have to set some ground rules, though. For the science.”

Barty grinned. “Of course, Doctor Octopussy.”

The doctor chuckled. “Doc Ock is just fine, thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? A new character! The plot thickens!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ham goes rock-climbing. Noir and Ham have fun with pictures. Something grows ever closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More discussion of mental illness this chapter. Thanks for reading!

Peter sat at his computer in the open offices of the Daily Beagle and refreshed his email again. He had sent in his latest assignment, and was in a holding pattern until he was needed again. He sighed before pulling up his personal photographs and started playing around with them, cropping out a wayward billboard here, zooming in to examine a ladybug there…

His Sense pinged behind him, and he heard a voice say, “What’s up, nerd?” He looked over his shoulder to see Dani standing behind him, a huge grin on her face. 

“Hey, Dani. Shouldn’t you be chasing down your next scoop?” Dani laughed and lightly punched his arm. 

“Never can sneak up on you, can I? And I just finished up a meeting. I’m kind of on deck until something happens.” After Dani’s Beezos story around two months before, she had been given a junior reporter job and was doing fantastically, which didn’t surprise him. “What’re you up to, Peter?”

“Same as you, waiting for something to do. So,” he said, pointing at the computer, “I’m playing around with my own pictures.” He moved his chair to the side and motioned Dani over to look at the screen. She watched as he scrolled through the photos, occasionally commenting on some of them. She put up a hand to stop his scrolling at one point and leaned in to look at the picture. It was a picture of a small waterfall surrounded by woods, taken from a high angle. 

“How did you take this one? It looks like you’re hanging in midair!” 

Peter looked at the picture and remembered slowly lowering himself on a web to get the right angle on this shot, pushing smaller branches out of the way as he did so. He has even swung a bit to get to just the right spot. But he couldn’t tell Dani that…

“Um…I think I climbed a tree? And did this weird thing where I hung with my legs?” He held his breath and looked at Dani. To his relief, she was nodding. 

“Should have known. You photographers will do anything for a shot.” She laughed at that, and Peter joined in, continuing through the pictures. 

“We sure will.” He kept scrolling and chatting until he ran into an all-black picture. He put one of these on either side of Spider pictures for situations like this, so he could scroll and not worry about accidentally showing a civilian his alter-ego. “Oh shit, this was at the start of that day. I forgot to take the lens cap off.” 

“How often do you end up doing that?”

“Way more often than I should, probably. I never do it on work stuff, luckily.” 

As they talked, their manager Steve, a brown goat, walked over and cleared his throat. Dani and Peter spun around quickly and immediately started explaining themselves.

“I finished all my assignments, was just going through my own stuff-“

“I was just taking a break, I just got out of a big meeting-“

Steve looked at both of them in confusion. “Y’all are fine, don’t worry. You ok?”

Peter raised his eyebrows and said, “You did the classic ‘supervisor caught his employees doing something bad’ cough.”

Steve chuckled. “No, no, I just have a bit of allergies. I just wanted to talk to you.” 

Dani leaned against Peter’s desk before asking, “What’s shaking, Steve?”

“I’m just figuring out people’s availability for Friday’s team building activity.” Peter tried not to groan. He got along fine with all of…well, most of his coworkers, but these monthly team building days always felt incredibly awkward, and he was not good at dealing with it. He looked at Dani, who raised her eyebrows at him. 

“What are we doing this time?” Steve looked at Peter, seemingly pleased at his apparent interest. 

“We’re going to that rock climbing place on 44th!” Peter, who had been taking a sip of water as Steve spoke, choked a bit and looked up in alarm. Dani looked excited. 

“I love rock climbing! I haven’t been in years!” She seemed to notice Peter’s continued coughing and turned to him in concern. “You alright, Peter?”

He nodded as his thoughts rushed around. He wasn’t exactly known for physical prowess around the office, which he didn’t mind; it helped him keep his cover. But he did not want to have to explain how he was inexplicably able to _climb_ so well. And he certainly hadn’t ever practiced looking inexperienced-

“Oh, don’t worry Peter. This is not a judging event. It’s just for fun!” Peter smiled wanly at Steve’s words. He obviously had picked up on Peter’s hesitance, but assumed it was about something else entirely. 

“Besides, Peter, I’ll be better than you at something for once.”

“Dani, you are already better than me in every way.” Dani snorted and shook her head. 

Before they could continue, Steve interrupted and said, “Well, as much as I love hanging with you guys, I have to talk to everyone, so, are y’all good for noon to four this Friday?” Peter turned around and pulled up his calendar while Dani pulled out her phone. 

“I’m good, Steve.”

“Yeah, same.” Steve nodded and smiled before walking away. As Dani and Peter looked at each other, he called to them over his shoulder. 

“Exciting times, you two!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So that’s happening tomorrow, and let me tell you, it’s weird as shit to practice not climbing.” Peter was doing dishes in his kitchen with a portal next to him, Noir sitting on the other side. He had insisted on helping, so he had a dish towel and was drying dishes after Peter washed them. Three months of regular conversation had created a comfortable environment for both of them, and the portal was more of an open window than strange technology spanning distances unfathomable. 

“Rock climbing does seem interesting, though.”

“Oh yeah, it’s fun. I did it a lot when I first became Spider-Ham, you know? It was a way to climb without just hopping onto buildings, and I could come to terms with it all...” He handed a dinner plate through to Noir as he trailed off, his casual mention of becoming Spider-Ham hitting him harder than he thought it would. It had been years now, but changing species and becoming a superhero wasn’t exactly a casual event that got forgotten.

“Are you ok, Ham?”

Peter thought about it for a second. At the last meeting, the Fam had promised each other to try and be more honest with each other and, honestly, themselves about their mental state. This had been precipitated by Peter B having a severe panic attack about stuff he’d been burying with humor that even _he_ didn’t realize was fucking him up. Once he had recovered, they had an emotional evening of just...talking. They weren’t used to having people that could understand their spider-problems, and they had let some of that hesitance to communicate leak into their everyday life as well. 

So he thought carefully about the question, making sure he wasn’t throwing up mental walls to protect himself. “Yeah, I am. Thanks.” He didn’t think he’d ever be truly ‘past’ some things, but he could at least identify how to deal with them. He breathed out and smiled. “How’re you holding up?”

Noir hesitated, seeming to go through the same mental audit. “Um...I’m ok, I guess. I’ve been tired lately, but that’s more from trouble sleeping? And it’s not that I’m worried about a particular thing, I just can’t seem to shut down at night.”

“I get that. I’ve got some tea that helps me when I get like that. Do you want some?” Noir nodded, so Peter turned to grab some out of the cabinet. He tossed it through the portal, then walked back and looked at the few remaining dishes in the sink. “Fuck it. I’ll finish these later. Want to look at some pictures I took?” 

“That sounds good!” Noir smiled as he took out a few teabags and looked at them. “Before you move the portal, though, take this box back. It’s getting hard to hide all my new colorful items.” Peter grabbed the tossed box out of the air and replaced it in the cupboard, then pressed the side button on his pendant to grab the portal out of the air. He walked over to his computer, looked at the area for a good spot, then threw the portal back up. 

“You want to just hop through? It’ll be easier to see.” 

“Sure!” Peter went and grabbed a folding chair for his friend as Noir stepped through, still fiddling with the tea bags. Peter handed the chair over, then hopped into his own rolling chair and started pulling up the photos. The first to come up was the blank photo from him talking to Dani a few days earlier. He turned to Noir with a serious expression and pointed at the screen. 

“My masterpiece.” Noir leaned in closer to the screen and squinted at the picture. “I’m kidding, Noir. I just put a blank picture between ‘normal’ stuff and Spider stuff so people don’t accidentally run into my alter ego. See…” He showed Noir the next picture, which was an out-of-focus selfie taken by Miles, Gwen, and Peni. They both laughed as Peter explained, “There’s about thirty of those, along with some _very_ unflattering pictures of all of us Peters like, talking and shit.” Peter scrolled the other way and started showing Noir the nature pictures he had shown Dani before. They chatted about how Peter had gotten some of the shots (“You swung _while_ taking that?”), and at one point Noir reached out and lightly touched the screen when Peter paused on a picture looking up the trunk of a tree to the sky above. 

“It’s so beautiful…” Peter looked over at Noir’s awestruck expression and felt...something stir inside of him. It really was amazing getting to show him colors. And it was partly _him_ in particular, how delighted he always was, even if he couldn’t always remember their names. How he could look at something, anything, no matter how mundane it was to the rest of them, and find countless things to love. He quietly put his hand on Noir’s shoulder, who looked over at him with such a big smile…

“You want to go hiking some time? I know the times people aren’t around, so you wouldn’t have to be masked.” The whole Fam had taken to visiting the others’ universes, whether to help in a fight or just hang, but they always had to be careful, especially when it came to this Peter’s universe; being a human here was weirder than Peter being a pig in theirs, which was saying something. They had come up with a workable solution, however: each member had gotten Miles to buy them a cheap animal-ear headband that kind of went with their suit, and it was just enough to make this universe shrug their shoulders and think _we already have a Spider-Ham, why not_. 

This all meant the opportunities to hang out here without being masked were less common, but Peter was pretty sure they could pull it off. “I mean, push comes to shove, we sense someone coming and we hide in a tree, you know?”

Noir looked back at the picture with a smile. “I’d like that a lot.” 

Peter felt the same thing from before, but shooed it away by saying, “Maybe I can show you how to use the camera, and you could take pictures for yourself.” Noir laughed, and Ham looked at him in confusion. “Or not, you don’t have to…”

“No, no,” Noir said, regaining his composure. “It just looks like I’m going to get a lot more things in color, aren’t I?” They both started giggling, and Noir leaned into Peter, clumsily grabbing the mouse to keep scrolling through photos. 

They stayed like that for the rest of the night, eventually falling asleep, their breath synchronizing, and their necks at an odd angle they would probably regret. 

Noir didn’t need the tea that night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barty sat in an unassuming black car and looked around the slice of suburbia surrounding him. Each house was decently groomed, each had its own bit of flair, and Spider-Ham’s house was no different. He chuckled darkly at that, at knowing where that annoying vigilante lived. In any other circumstance, he would have already started an operation against Ham, but Doc Ock wanted to keep him in the dark, and was paying enough money to convince Barty…for now. 

He tore his eyes away from that house and checked on his operatives. There was a mongoose mowing a lawn a few doors down from the target and a gazelle who had been running laps around the block. He knew both had earpieces connected to the radio he was playing with in his lap, but to an outside observer, they blended in to the neighborhood perfectly. His organization certainly had its talents. 

He looked back at Ham’s house just in time to see a pig emerge from the front door, lock it, and start down the street. That must be Spider-Ham. He was…underwhelming, to be perfectly honest. Barty knew the hero had to blend in with normal society, but he had always thought he would still be able to see _something_ that indicated who he really was. He watched the pig until he turned the corner, then waited a few beats for good measure. 

After he felt confident they were safe, he raised the radio to his mouth and growled, “Clear.”

He watched as the two visible operatives along with some hidden creatures headed for the house. Barty sighed and exited the car, stretching from the confinement. He walked towards the house, gesturing at his people to go inside. They all gathered around the door and had it swinging open by the time he reached it. The whole group walked in and closed the door behind them, then looked around the house. 

Barty couldn’t shake that feeling of almost oppressive mundanity from the sight of the pig before. The hallway had a painting of a lake across from a closet containing some coats and blankets. The living room had a navy blue couch and a coffee table made of some kind of light wood. The tv was average, the pillows were average. There was an office with a plug for a laptop, which annoyed Barty; it was hard to hack a computer that wasn’t there. In the printer was a picture of the pig and a cat making silly faces. The cat’s face rang some kind of bell in his head, and he squinted at their face, trying to figure out where he knew them from. 

Dani. He remembered her in the dossier. She had been adopted as some sort of a younger sister by Peter. He shook his head a little, the name Peter adding to the strange aura of normalcy that was growing around this case. He looked at the picture again. He couldn’t help feeling there was something else familiar about it...

He was interrupted by a call for him from the kitchen. He shook his head, figuring he was getting confused by all the information about this truly boring motherfucker. He followed the voice to the kitchen, where Mandy held the freezer door open. 

“What is it, are there heads or something?” He almost hoped he was right about that, if only to have something to do.

“No, it’s just…he has like, thirty ice packs.” Mandy shrugged. “I guess he does take a beating, doesn’t he?” 

Barty looked into the freezer at the veritable wall of colorful ice packs and sighed. “That is the weirdest thing in this damn house, which isn’t particularly helpful. Let’s hope upstairs is a little more productive.”

“When does he get back?”

“He’s supposed to be out until four, but given how things are going, we’ll be out by 1:30.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Peter looked at the front of the rock climbing place and sighed, resigning himself to the day he was about to have. It had started out ok; he and Noir woke up about the same time, and both had miraculously managed to avoid neck cramps. He had thrown some oatmeal at Noir before he left, and then he deep cleaned his house to work through the stress of the rock climbing expedition. 

By the time he finished, it looked like no one lived in the house. He had laughed and sent a picture to Dani, who had reacted with a lot of shocked emojis. His house wasn’t normally messy, but you could paint a pretty good picture of who he was with the stuff around. 

By that point, it was about time to leave. He had been texting the Spider-Chat all morning, filling in the rest on the team building later that day. Peter B had gone on a rant about one retreat he had done five years ago that ended up giving him a fear of goldfish. Peter didn’t quite follow it, but it sounded absolutely buck wild. He sent a goodbye before hurrying out the door, the smell of cut grass on the air. 

About halfway to the rock climbing place, he realized he had forgotten the pictures he and Dani had taken a week ago on their trip to the museum. He thought about going back, but realized he didn’t have time to go all the way back and still make it on time. She would understand, it wasn’t like they never saw each other. 

And now he was here, back in front of Climb the Wall. After the previous night, he had braced himself a little more for seeing this place again, but it seemed like he was doing ok. He figured he was probably more concerned about the problem of today. 

Before Peter could continue thinking, Steve poked his head out of the door. “Peter! Good to see ya, come on in.” Peter followed him in and saw a bunch of his coworkers milling around, trying on harnesses, and just chatting. Peter saw his least favorite coworker Greg across the room, clearly telling a story. 

Greg was a muscular platypus who acted like he was still at the top of the food chain in middle school. The day Peter met him, he had tried his best to crush Peter’s hand in his handshake. When Peter didn’t flinch (it wasn’t the most painful thing to happen to him that _day_ ), Greg has decided it was a challenge and had done his best to annoy Peter going forward. It wasn’t harassment, really, more like a constant itch in the small of his back that he couldn’t quite reach. Greg was the type of guy that gave Peter the distinct feeling he was going to squish him, which he didn’t get often as a pig. 

Peter looked around some more and finally found Dani standing amongst a small group of fellow reporters. He walked over and tapped her on the shoulder. She spun around and smiled at him. 

“Peter, you made it! How are you?” Peter joined the circle, nodding at the others before answering Dani. 

“Good, good. Still a little nervous about this.” Dani lightly punched him on the arm. 

“Hey, don’t worry about it. No one’s gonna do anything.” She glanced over at Greg, who was snickering at something. “I’ll make sure of it.”

Peter saw her look over at Greg and snorted. “Oh. I don’t care about him. I’m just anxious, you know that.”

“Fair enough.” Before conversation could continue, an attendant called for people who hadn’t done so to get a harness. Peter wandered over and looked at the harnesses. He sighed and grabbed one, feeling like the device was about as useful as a lifeguard at the Olympics. But Peter, a normal pig, needed one, so he started putting it on. 

“Peter?” He jumped and turned around to see an older capybara who looked familiar. Before he could remember, she continued, “It’s been a while. How are you?” Finally, a name matched to her face: Hannah, the owner of Climb the Wall. She had been one of the few employees in the place when he started coming here all those years ago. She didn’t know it, but she was one of his biggest supporters through that first year. 

“Oh my god, Hannah! I’m doing pretty well, how are you?” 

“I’m doing good!” As they talked, Dani walked up.

“Dani! This is Hannah, she owns Climb the Wall, she’s great. Hannah, this is my good friend Dani.” The two women shook hands, and Hannah pointed at Peter. 

“This one was one of my best customers. He came most nights for almost a year!”

Dani looked over at Peter and raised her eyebrows. “Really? Peter was just telling me he was nervous.” 

_Shit._ Before Hannah could answer, Peter quickly interjected, “It’s been so long, I don’t know how much I remember.” He laughed uncomfortably as Hannah and Dani nodded in understanding. Relieved, he breathed out quietly and said, “Hey, Dani, could you give us a bit? I wanna catch up with Hannah, it’s been a while since I’ve seen her.” 

“Yeah, of course. I’ll meet you by the walls.” She waved at them and wandered towards the Wall chamber. 

Peter turned back to Hannah. “So, business seems to be good.”

“Oh yeah, it’s been great. This community is a delight, it really is. And what are you up to now?”

As Peter talked about his job at the Beagle, he thought back to his time here. Hannah had noticed him coming in every night, and had seen how tired and scared he looked. She never knew what was really going on, but that hadn’t stopped her making him tea and taking time to chat with him. It had always helped him ground himself, and he felt bad that he dropped off the map for so long. 

“Well, that sounds amazing, Peter. I’m glad you’re doing so well.” She smiled at him and patted his shoulder. 

“Thanks, Hannah.” He paused and looked at her, and was surprised when tears formed in his eyes. “Look, you probably noticed, but when I was in here back then, I wasn’t in a…great place. And you really helped me out, and I just want to thank you. And apologize for disappearing.” He tried to surreptitiously wipe his face, and Hannah pretended not to notice. 

“Don’t apologize, dear. And I’m glad I could help. It looks like you’re doing much better.” She looked at him for a long moment. “Whatever was happening, I get the feeling you can’t tell me.” Peter shook his head. “Well, that’s fine. But I want to make sure you have someone you can. Do you?”

Peter thought about the Spider-Fam and smiled. “I do, yeah. And I am doing better.” He quickly finished tightening his harness and said, “I should go join the team building. We should do lunch sometime?”

“Sounds like a plan. Have a good day, Peter!”

Peter jogged off towards the chamber. “You too!”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Barty was going through the medicine cabinet at Ham’s house (calcium supplements and some Antvil) when he heard a shout from the bedroom. He ran into the room and looked around. He saw the purple-blanketed bed in a corner, a set of dressers next to it, then finally noticed the rest of his people crowded in and around the closet. Past the jackets and dress shirts, one of them had found a secret panel that opened into a small room. A few Spider-Suits were hung up along one wall, and a worktable seemed to hold a number of fancy bracelets. He picked one of them up and pressed a button, and jumped when a web shot out and splatted against the opposite wall. 

“Jackpot.” He gestured the others in, and they all started cataloguing everything in the room. He stepped back out, pulled out a phone, and called the doctor. 

“Hello?”

“Doc, it’s Barty. We found proof that this dude is Spider-Ham.”

“Did you find the portal device?”

“...No. But-”

“Barty, I hired you to do a job. I expected you could put your personal interests aside, especially for the amount I’m giving you.”

“But we could use this! We could blackmail him, you could get the info, I could get a little security-”

“Absolutely not. Once I find out more information, I am going to _talk_ to him, and maybe see if we can come to an agreement. If not, I’ll have what I need to do it anyway.”

“I don’t understand why you hired us, if you won’t let us work.”

“Because I needed the discretion your organization provides! Now, finish cataloguing the items and come see me. Good day.” Barty looked at his phone, an inscrutable expression on his face. 

“Everything ok, boss?” Barty looked up to see Mandy standing in the doorway. 

“Yeah. I’m just thinking...I think we need to put these Spider-Creatures to the test, hm?”

“But Doc Ock said-”

“I know what he said.” Barty smiled a smile that made Mandy step back. “I won’t kill them. I just want to see what they can do.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter was feeling pretty good. He was managing to not look like he was a climbing expert, and was overall having a good time. Actually being forced to stay on the handholds was almost like a fun logic puzzle. He and Dani had raced a few times, and they had finished close to each other each time. He was in the middle of catching up with an acquaintance from the Lifestyle section when he sensed someone coming up behind him. He turned around to see Greg looming over him. 

“Do you need something, Greg?” Greg smiled and put his hand on Peter’s shoulder and squeezed. Hard. 

“I just thought we could have a friendly little competition, Porker. This is a team-building day, after all.”

Peter looked up at Greg and thought _fuck it_. “Sure, Greg! Why don’t you pick the wall?” Peter could see Dani walking over looking suspicious, so he looked her and gave a small shake of his head. She nodded, but kept watching from a distance. 

“All right, all right. Let’s see…” Greg made a show of looking around the large chamber, but Peter could tell he already had a wall in mind. “Let’s do that one.” He pointed to the wall specifically created for taller animals, a group which Peter was...not part of. “That alright?”

_Oh, so that’s how you want to play…_ “Sounds good to me. Let’s get over there, shall we?”

The two walked over and started getting hooked in. A gaggle of fellow Beagle workers started gathering around. The attendant working with Peter hesitated. 

“You know this wall is for, uh...taller animals, right?” they asked in a low voice.

“Yeah, we’re just having a friendly competition. Thank you, though.” Peter patted them on the shoulder. “Just so you know, I might be going a little fast on this.” The attendant nodded and got into their belaying stance. Peter walked up to and observed the wall. The handholds started out pretty far apart, and only got harder from there. Luckily, Peter had been finding quick routes all night, and was already mapping out his path. He also, of course, had another particular advantage.

“You ready, Porker?”

“I was born ready.” Which was true; spiders are _very_ good at climbing.

One of the attendants counted them off, and Peter launched himself onto the wall and started swinging between stones. The hardest part, he thought, was calculating the swings so they were strong enough to get him to the next stone, but not so strong they provoked suspicion.

About three quarters of the way up, Peter threw himself across a particularly long gap. He reached up, and realized he wasn’t going to make it as the blank wall soared towards him. Without thinking, he grabbed the wall for a split second and used it to push him the last few inches he needed to get to the next handhold, scrambling his hands a bit to hide the action. He kept going, listening to the people on the ground. They seemed to sound about the same, no gasps or anything, so he didn’t think anyone noticed. Within a few seconds, he had reached the top and rung the bell. He held onto the handholds and looked down to see Greg was only three quarters of the way up his wall. 

“Come on up, Greg, the view’s great!” He heard laughter from the bottom as Greg quickly climbed the rest of the way and rang his bell. He leaned over to Peter and almost growled at him.

“I saw what you did.”

“What, beat you?”

“No, you freak. You, you stuck to the wall! You were swinging! What the hell are you?”

Peter kept a calm expression despite the growing panic in his chest. “Well, I think I see why you lost, Greg. You were too busy looking at me and forgot about your own climb.”

“Don’t change the subject!”

“Oh, you mean the subject where I can apparently stick to walls, or something?” Below, both attendants called up that they were letting the pair down. Peter got in position to rappel down and looked over one last time. “Look, Greg, I don’t know what you’re issue is with me, but can we just let it go?”

Greg gave him a dirty look. “I’ll be watching you, Porker.”

Peter sighed and rolled his eyes. “I look forward it.”

~~~~~~~~~~

After the race with Greg, everyone agreed they were done for the day. Peter said his goodbyes, set up a lunch with Hannah, and headed home. He felt a little worried about incident, but he knew his rival didn’t have proof. Even if he told people what he saw, they would just assume he was being a sore loser. Peter would just be a little more careful for the next few weeks, make sure he didn’t slip again, literally or figuratively. Everything would be fine.

He got home and walked inside, looking around at the immaculate house. 

_Man, if someone didn’t know me and saw this, they’d think I was the most boring guy in the world!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! About to go into tech week, so we'll see what happens to whatever this damn update schedule is.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter B shows the Fam a fun show. Noir reports on an accident. Ham and Noir go on a hike.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Talks of injuries/pain in this chapter. 
> 
> Other than that, enjoy!

“Look, I know what shades of a color are. There are plenty of shades of gray in my dimension-”

Peter B interrupted with, “50, perhaps?” Peni snickered as Peter, Gwen, and Miles looked confused. “It’s a book in my dimension. 50 Shades of Gray.”

“Ohhh. I think I’ve heard of a book like that. It’s 36 Shades of Orange in my universe, but my mom won’t let me read it.”

“Good. It’s not for kids.”

Ham looked up from the magazine he was scanning. “I mean, if it’s anything like 50 Shades of Gray Squirrel in my universe, it’s barely for adults either.”

“Well, now I’m curious-”

“ _No_.”

The whole Spider-Fam was hanging out in Gwen’s apartment. Peter B was trying, with Peni’s help, to connect his computer to her TV to show them something (“I haven’t seen this many adapters used in my life!”), and the rest of them were talking about colors with Peter. Gwen’s universe was beautiful, but in a different way than the others. It had softer colors that faded in and out of each other, and the sky always had a sunset quality to it. Peter loved sunsets in all of their universes, and he and Ham were working to get pictures of all of them for his secret photo stash. 

Ham put down his magazine and looked up. “Hey, did I ever let you all in on the questionable decision I made at that team-building thing?”

“Oh no…”

“See,” Peter B muttered, “I don’t trust team building shit.”

“Language.” Peter B glared at Gwen and Miles for repeating his own line back to him, but Ham started his story before he could retort.

“So, we have to do rock climbing, right? And I was worried about looking like I was good at climbing, because, you know, pig. So I’m pretending I’m mediocre at it, everything is fine, when Greg comes over-”

Everyone groaned at the mention of the platypus’ name; Ham had told plenty of stories, and people like Greg were in every universe, it seemed, in abundance. 

“So he challenges me to a race, and picks the wall meant for animals with longer limbs, right? So I think, oh, is that how it’s gonna be, and decide to cream him. Which I did.” The Fam cheered. “However, I slipped up on a jump and kind of pushed off the wall like a Spider instead of a pig, and he saw, but he just said he’d be ‘watching me’, so I’m not too concerned.”

“What if tells someone?” Peni asked, cables from the TV wrapped around her forearm.

“He tried, actually. After calling me a freak at the top, he went to the first guy he saw and told them I was a weirdo.”

Gwen snorted. “Well, he’s not wrong.”

Ham thought about being offended, then shrugged. “Touche, but he meant for the sticky stuff. The other guy just called him a sore loser and walked away, it was _great_.” Ham suddenly snapped his fingers and exclaimed, “Hey! I was thinking I could see if we could all go rock climbing some night! I’m friends with the owner, so I might be able to reserve it for us.”

As they talked about this possibility, Peter B cheered from behind the television. “We did it!” He scrambled out as everyone positioned themselves on and around Gwen’s dark purple couch. Peter sat down at the end where Ham had hoisted himself up onto the arm. Peter B started the show on his computer, and Peter watched as a camera swept over a tall building with a spire, then showed the front of ‘Radio City Music Hall’. Strange, almost haunting music played over the scenes. Ham hit Peter’s shoulder and pointed at the glass he had left on the table. Peter grabbed it and handed it over, looking back in time to see a marquee flash out of sight before he could read it. The camera then showed some interior shots: a shiny chandelier in a golden room, a mural in reds and oranges. 

Then, a man in a suit stood in front of a mirror, straightening his tie as a woman’s voice talked behind him. Peter was distracted from the action by Peter B’s excited bouncing in front of the coffee table. 

“I’m so excited for you guys to see this, it’s hysterical.” For whatever reason, he kept sneaking glances at Ham, who was sipping from his glass and didn’t notice. On screen, the man was rising up to a stage along with a large, blue semi-circle with other colors flashing around it. Miles, who had been answering a text, looked up as the man walked towards a crowd of screaming people. 

“Wait, he looks familiar-”

Before he could finish, the man waved and picked up a microphone and said, “Good evening!”

In Ham’s voice. 

Peter B paused the computer and keeled over laughing as Ham coughed into his drink. “What in the hell? Why does that man have my damn voice?”

“Ham, it was just two words, it’s probably a coincidence,” Gwen said as she reached over the still-cackling Peter B to press play.

“Hi, I’m John Mulaney, nice to meet you!” Gwen paused again and stared at the screen. 

“Um. Ok, yeah, that’s you.”

Peter B had finally stopped laughing enough to choke out, “It’s really weird, guys. But for real, he’s super funny. The voice is just extra.”

“Alright,” Ham said, sitting back to regard the screen. “Let’s see if this motherfucker is a suitable vessel for _my_ voice.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

The credits played as the Fam wiped tears of laughter from their eyes. “Holy shit, guys.”

Ham nodded at the screen. “Alright. He seems worthy. For now.” He took a sip of his drink before adding, “It helps that he’s not too bad looking, for a human at least.” Peter felt a weird sensation in his gut; he ignored it, tacking it up to yet another lunch of shitty canned chicken. 

“You’re not wrong, Ham. You are not wrong.”

“Hey, Peter,” Miles said, “the one thing I didn’t get was the horse bit. What happened in November?” Peter B got a far away look in his eyes. “That bad, huh?” He nodded. “Well, uh...sorry, man.”

Peter looked at the group and solemnly said, “Look, if any of you need help punching some of these ‘New Nazis’, just call.” 

“We’ll make a day of it,” Peter B said with a smile. 

Gwen looked at the wall clock and cursed under her breath. “I have a show in a bit, so unless you all are coming…”

“Can’t tonight, Gwen, but have a great show!” 

“Yeah, I have work things to do.”

Miles smiled and said, “I can stay. I finished my homework for the weekend.”

Peter B gave him a thumbs up, then turned to Gwen. “Cool, cool. The rest of us will get out of your hair.” Everyone hugged and started gathering their things. “Everyone’s awake, right?”

Ham sighed dramatically. “You fall asleep at _one_ meeting…” His smile, however, betrayed his annoyed tone, and he mock saluted the group before hopping through his portal. Before closing it, he called, “I’ll look into the rock climbing thing and message you all!”

Peter smiled at everyone and picked up his Rubik’s Cube and stepped back to his own dimension. He closed the portal and looked at his watch; about an hour and a half until he had to leave for his afternoon shift. He pulled a book Peter B had given him out of a drawer and opened it to his bookmark. The story’s hero was about to do battle against a basilisk…

~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter was going through a file drawer at the Bugle when he saw the Fisk letter. It had been a few months now, and he hadn’t heard anything from Ben about it. He knew big cases like this took time, but he was getting antsy. He read the letter sometimes, and the following night always had scenes of severed digits and pale, lifeless bodies strewn about…

He heard someone walk by his desk, and he looked up to see none other than Ben. The older man seemed agitated, so Peter hesitated, wondering if he should just let him go. But, before he could decide, Ben looked over and saw him looking and came over to stand next to his desk. 

“Hey, Peter. How’re you holding up?” Peter looked up and saw bags under Ben’s eyes and days-old stubble all over his cheeks. 

“Better than you, I think. Everything ok?”

“Yeah. This Fisk thing is trying, that’s all.” Ben seemed to sense Peter’s impending question, and cut it off with, “We’ll call you in when we’re ready, Peter. But we’re starting out with people who know the case better, ok?”

Peter nodded. “I get it. Do you all want the letter?”

“That would be great, Peter.” Peter reached into the file and grabbed the original letter he had gotten a few months back from amongst the other papers. He’d followed standard procedure and typed up a copy of the letter, and had done some of his own preliminary research into Fisk out of boredom and curiosity. He handed the original to Ben, who smiled at him. “Thanks, kid.”

Before their conversation could continue, a bell across the office started ringing, indicating that something was happening in the city. Brian stood up and started yelling instructions: “Alright, we’ve got some kind of explosion down on 37th, between H and J. They want Parker, Urich, and Thomas to get down there immediately. Other assignments to follow.”

Peter stood up and grabbed his notepad, and Ben hurried off to do the same, telling Peter to go on without him. Peter slipped through the current of people towards the stairs, happy to have something to take his mind off Fisk.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter arrived on the scene about ten minutes later and was stopped in his tracks. A small, brick building was completely collapsed, the buildings around it had chunks taken out of the walls, and the whole area was on fire. Peter couldn’t help but add colors to the fire in his head, a mesmerizing display of oranges and yellows devouring the place…

A scream to his left pierced his thoughts, and he looked over to see a woman trapped under rubble. He ran over and looked at the beam that had fallen onto her legs. He knew _he_ could lift it easily, but he realized a non-Spider person would not be able to. He desperately looked around to see if anyone was around to help, but the only people he could see were firefighters embroiled in the blaze. He looked back at the woman, who was crying and seemed to be losing consciousness. 

Which, he realized, meant there wasn’t anyone to see him. Without another thought, he grabbed the beam and shifted it off of the woman with one arm, using his other to gently pull her from the wreckage. Once she was clear, he let the beam down and tried to help her settle on the ground. She started crying more, and Peter winced, knowing that sometimes the pain got worse after being pulled out of a situation like that. He whispered to her to wait there, then ran over to a man who had just arrived with a stretcher. 

“Hey, we have a woman who had some rubble fall on her, she needs help.” He led the man with the stretcher over to the woman, who had fallen silent and was laying frighteningly still. The other man ran up and felt her neck. 

“I’ve got a pulse, I think she just passed out from the pain.” Peter breathed out a breath he didn’t realize had been caught in his chest. He turned around to go rejoin the reporters, only to run right into Ben, who had seemingly just shown up.

“Ben! Hi.”

Ben looked at him for a long moment. “What were you doing over here?”

“Woman got injured, I just moved her out of the way, and got help. Ready to start reporting.” Ben continued looking at him. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing. I think I’m just tired...this is one ugly scene, isn’t it?” Ben walked away with Peter trailing behind him. A horrible thought occurred to Peter: Had Ben seen? No, no. He would have said something, right? He wouldn’t have just stared at him, or whatever. 

Right?

Two people were led over by some policemen, who informed the two reporters that they were witnesses to the explosion. Peter pulled out his notepad and led the taller one away, focusing back at the job on hand. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Hours later, Peter stumbled into his apartment and tried to brush all of the soot off his clothes before getting further in. He checked his watch and cursed; he was supposed to meet Ham for a hike in half an hour, and he was a mess. He gave up on his brushing and hurried into his room to change into cleaner clothes. 

After putting on a clean t-shirt and jeans, he went into the bathroom and washed his hands, trying to get them cleaner. It kind of worked; he was no longer leaving trails of dust on everything he touched, but he could still see streaks of soot, especially in the creases of his palm. He looked up into the mirror and tried to rub his face clean, but only managed to smear it around. He sighed, ruffled his hair, and decided he would go for the rugged reporter look. 

He looked at himself again. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was so worried about all this; after all, hiking wasn’t exactly a black-tie event. And he knew Ham wouldn’t care...but he did, for some reason. He shrugged into the mirror, combed through his hair once more, making it stick up at wild angles, and went into the kitchen for a glass of water. 

A few minutes later, a portal sizzled to life in front of him, and he reached up into a casual stretch as it solidified, showing Ham standing in a copse of trees. “Hey, Noir!”

“Hey Ham. How are you?” Peter carefully climbed through the portal and looked around at all the greens and browns. He felt the tension in his shoulders relax as Ham closed the portal and turned to face him. 

“I’m alright, just a little tired. What happened to you?” 

“There was an explosion I was covering. I got a little dirty.” Ham looked him over and nodded. 

“It’s a good look, Noir.” Ham said this very casually and turned to start leading them out of the thicket, but Peter felt a brief spell of vertigo hit him between the eyes. He blinked a few times, trying to figure out what was going on. Ham turned around after a few paces, realizing Peter was not following. “Come on, _biscuit boxer_. There’s more to see.” Peter shook himself out of...whatever that had been and slipped through the trees after Ham. 

They came out on a path marked by fallen wood on both sides. Ham turned left and started walking backwards so he could point things out to Peter. Even though Peter recognized some of the landmarks from Ham’s photos, it didn’t stop his awe of the walk. The trees felt so alive with their shades of green and brown, which made the slivers of blue sky pop as he looked up. On the ground, flowers and fungi added pops of various colors along the path. After a bit of talking, Ham pulled out his camera and showed Peter how to use it. It looked much sleeker than the cameras he was used to, and it didn’t use film. This, Ham explained, meant that a lot more photos could be taken between ‘downloads’, so Peter didn’t have to worry about wasting anything by playing around. 

For the first hour, Peter just took pictures. He found a snail with a light purple swirl on its shell, a leaf that was orange and crackly, a log that was now home to mosses and mushrooms. As he scrolled through his photos, he lamented to Ham that they looked different than the photographer’s. 

“My pictures are just kind of _there_. How do you get the shots you take?”

“It’s all about composition, Noir. Here, can I get on your shoulder to show you?” Peter leaned down and let Ham clamber onto his left shoulder. “Ok, so pick something to take a picture of.” Peter looked around and saw a patch of yellow flowers a few feet up the path, which he pointed out. “Awesome! So, what you were doing is putting them in the center of the frame, right?” And Ham moved Peter’s hands to point the camera at the flowers. “See how the way the sun is hitting them, it makes them look kind of faded?”

“Yes.”

“So, if we move to the left…” Peter obliged, shuffling left as he looked at the camera’s screen. “There! See how the light makes them kind of glow now? Take the picture.” 

They kept going like this, Ham showing Peter how to frame things, how to use focus, how to find good angles and light…

“These look really nice, Noir!”

“Thank you. I’m worried I’ll forget how to do this, though.”

Ham laughed. “Don’t worry, man. I just threw a lot of terms and concepts at you, and I still haven’t really scratched the surface. It takes a while to really learn this and develop the muscle memory, you know? It would be like us trying to teach someone to swing in an hour, or you trying to teach me interview techniques in a day. You’re doing just fine.” They smiled at each other and kept walking. At one point, Ham sighed and leaned against Peter’s head. 

“You ok?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired. You ok if I stay up here?”

“Go for it.”

“Thanks. Hey, as long as I’m up here...can I see the camera?” Ham took the camera and turned it around to face the pair. “Alright, smile!” They both grinned into the lens as the camera clicked, and Ham turned it around to see the picture. It was surprisingly in focus, and the filtered light was highlighting the creases made by their smiles. Ham handed the camera back to Peter, satisfied, before going back to leaning on him. 

Peter kept walking and taking random pictures. He came across a ramshackle cabin right off the path, and had some fun taking pictures of it at various angles. After a while, he started hearing running water up ahead. “That’ll be the river. Let’s take a break there.” Around the next bend, the path veered away from a flat plane of grass leading to the banks of a small river. The trees were thinner here, and the sun sparkled off the water and sent moving reflections around the clearing. Peter let Ham down and started trying to capture them. After a moment of this, he realized Ham was taking off his shoes and rolling his pant legs up. 

“What are you doing?”

“I’m getting in the river. Want to come?”

Peter quickly put the camera down a safe distance from the river, then started removing his own shoes. Ham ran over and started wading in, letting the water reach to his knees. Peter carefully stepped in, surprised at the water’s warmth. He walked in farther than Ham, letting the water lap at his rolled up pant legs. 

“Hey don’t leave me, you tall bastard!” Ham kicked some water at Peter, which splashed against his thigh. Peter snorted and moved back towards Ham, then reached down and splashed back. “Oh, this is war, sir.” They started dancing around each other, splashing more and more forcefully as time went on, laughing hysterically. At one point, Peter went to dodge and slipped, falling backwards into the water. He sat up and spluttered, Ham’s laughter filling his ears. 

“Hey, for real, you good big guy? Can you swim?”

“Yeah, I can. Can you?”

“I can indeed- _oh shit_ ,” for as soon as he said that, Ham was knocked into the river. He tumbled into Peter and rose back up, cursing. They both stayed sitting and laughing, war forgotten, letting the water rush past them. 

After a while, Peter felt himself getting a bit cold, and when he looked over at Ham, he could see he was shivering a bit too. So they stood up and went onto land and laid down in the grass. Ham closed his eyes and started humming an indistinct song. Peter looked over and saw his friend looking so at peace, a ray of sun hitting him directly on the chest. He quietly crawled over to the camera (making sure his hands were dry first) and took a picture. With a pleased nod at the screen, he laid back down and looked up into the sky, where thin, white clouds were passing by. 

A few minutes later, Peter looked over to see Ham had curled on himself, and was still shaking a little. He rolled over and put his hand lightly on his shoulder. “You good?”

“Ye-e-ah. Just c-c-old.” Peter carefully pulled Ham towards his side, and the small pig burrowed into it. Spider-people as a whole had trouble with temperature, and Ham’s small size didn’t do him any favors. So the two stayed there a while, letting the sun dry them off and warm them back up. 

After getting up, they decided to head to Ham’s house to look at the pictures they took and possibly get some blankets. They walked up to the edge of the forest behind his house, where Ham scanned the area for onlookers. Once they knew the coast was clear, they ran quickly to the back door and went in, heading for the computer after grabbing a blanket each off the couch in the living room. Ham scrolled through the pictures, marking the ones Peter wanted to print out. Ham paused for a moment at the one of him lying in the grass, and Peter felt his face get a bit warm. 

“Sorry, you looked so peaceful…”

“Nah, man, you’re good.” He paused a moment, before saying quietly, “It’s a really nice photo.” Peter sat back as a warm, happy feeling bloomed in his chest, and Ham kept scrolling through the final pictures. 

“Alright, you’re good with those?”

“Yes!”

“Cool! Photos take a while to print, so I usually let them do it overnight. I’ll message you tomorrow to drop them off?”

“Sounds good. I should head back, unless you need anything.”

“I’m good, Noir. I’m glad we did this, I had a great time.”

“We should make this a regular thing. I feel so calm.”

Ham laughed. “Yeah, not much chance for nature walks near you, is there?”

“Not particularly, no.”

His friend looked at him with a strange expression. “What do you do for fun, Noir? I always hear stories about your work, or I guess works. But never about like, your stamp collection.”

Peter hesitated. “Umm...I mean, before you all? Nothing, really. Work was my life. It was all I felt I should be doing…” He trailed off in thought. 

“All you felt worthy of doing, right?” He looked at Ham in surprise, taking in his far away expression. “You have these powers, so why should you do anything else? I did the same thing Noir,” Ham said, now looking straight into Peter’s eyes, “and it’s not good, ok? You can take breaks, you can do things for yourself.”

Peter grabbed Ham’s hand and squeezed it. “I think I’m getting there. You know?” Ham squeezed back and nodded. Peter looked at his friend for a while, before realizing he’d been staring at him for what must have been an uncomfortably long amount of time. He looked away, stood up, and said, “Well, I’ll leave you to your night. See you next time.” Ham gave him a mock salute and winked. 

“Indeed, nerd.” Peter pulled out his pendant and opened a portal, stepped through, waved once more, and shut it. He stood, looking at where it once was, then realized something. 

He had looked at Ham for quite a long time, yes. 

But Ham had been looking at him, too.

Not sure what to do with this information, Peter wandered into the kitchen to make himself dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My requisite Mulaney joke has been fulfilled...which means I can just do them for fun now! ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani gets a dangerous lead, forcing Ham to make a tough decision. Barty finds some allies. The Spider Chat plans an evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to my mom, whose birthday is today! As you read this note, whisper "Happy birthday' into the universe. She'll feel it!
> 
> Also, this chapter has descriptions of fights and injuries, along with a transformation sequence. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Peter was eating dinner when he heard a knock at the door. He sighed and stood up, trying to think about who would be calling at this hour. His list had one name on it, and its owner was indeed on the other side of the door. “What’s up, Dani? Everything ok?” She was dressed in darker clothes than normal, and looked agitated. He let her in and she started pacing his living room, not answering him. “Dani, you look worried, what’s going on?”

Finally, she paused and looked at him. “I got a lead, Peter. But I need to follow up on it, and I can’t do it with the paper.”

“Why?”

“It might blow the whole thing.” She continued to pace as she explained, “Peter, there’s something going on at that weird building on 6th. And I can’t find _any_ information on it anywhere, and if I ask around as a reporter...I’m going to stake it out. Tonight. And I want your help.”

Peter started at that. “Why me? I’m not exactly known for this-”

“Because I trust you, Peter. And I think anyone else would try to make me do this through official channels. And besides, you can do some weird shit for photos.” She smiled for the first time that night, and Peter knew he was going on a stake out that night. He just hoped he wouldn’t have to use his photography skills, because most of them were Ham things…

He left Dani on the couch checking her supplies and ran upstairs to change into something stake out like. It was...kind of effective. He had never really been one for subtlety with colors, but he managed to find a dark green shirt, and his jeans were acceptable for the purposes. He grabbed a drawstring bag from his closet and went back downstairs and packed some water and snacks. When Dani raised her eyebrows at him for the latter, he pointed at his half-eaten dinner. “I didn’t get to eat dinner because my sister asked me to be a damn secret agent.” 

“Ok, fair enough.” They left the house and started making their way to 6th. The building in question was built a year before, and had weird, tinted windows that still had light coming from them at all hours of the day and night. The constant stream of people in suits 24/7 was weird enough, but there were reports of people with various injuries stumbling in at odd hours. But by all official accounts, it was just one of those businesses that when someone tries to explain what they do, your eyes glaze over by word twenty. Which, as Dani explained her lead, seemed to be purposeful. 

“So, I was at home a few days ago, right? And someone knocked, but no one was at the door. There was just this on my doorstep.” And she pulled out a ragged note, written in spiky handwriting that read _There’s something going on at the building on 6th. You might want to look into it. -citizen_. “I took pictures of it when I got it, and checked for fingerprints. Totally clean, which I expected, I guess. So I started digging, and at first everything was just bland, corporate shit. But there was an inconsistency about their financials, where-” She saw Peter’s panicked expression and quickly said, “Anyway, it made me suspicious. So I went in and acted like I was doing a school project, and they let me interview some mid-level talker, and I saw a weird door that they were keen to get me past. I didn’t push, because I wanted to stay under the radar. But Peter…” She took a breath before continuing, her voice shaking a little, “I heard something on the way out. It was this weird, screeching noise, and then I think I heard a scream.” 

Peter patted her shoulder while his thoughts raced. This was sounding more and more like a Ham thing, but he didn’t want to jump to conclusions. Maybe Dani would be able to handle this as a reporter, and he didn’t want to overreact and stop her story. He was, however, glad she had asked him to come; if anything did go down, he didn’t want her alone. She could handle herself, of course, but not against the shit he dealt with. 

A few minutes later, they turned onto 6th Avenue. Immediately, Peter’s Spider Sense started pulsing in his head. He instinctively grabbed his head and hissed a little through his teeth. Dani looked at him in concern, asking, “You good?”

“Yeah, just a headache.” His Sense tended to get magnified by his anxiety, so sometimes he got false positives. But after years of being Spider-Ham, he had learned how to tell the difference between that and real danger; this was the latter. _Fuck._

“What’s the plan, Dani?”

“I think we just walk in and try to get to that door.”

“Won’t there be security?” 

“Not when I went in. I looked for cameras and everything.” That was almost more suspicious than a full security team; it sounded like they didn’t want record of anyone coming in or out. Given the circumstances, Peter was pretty sure it was another sign of something happening. 

They reached the building, Peter’s Sense continuing to pulse as they looked in the window. There was a meerkat in a uniform standing by the elevator in the otherwise empty lobby reading a book. “Shit,” muttered Dani as they quickly sauntered away from the window. “He must be the night shift. Do we want to try around back?”

“I have a better idea. Pretend I’m super sick, and see if he’ll let us up.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m a good actor.” Dani shrugged and gestures for him to start acting. He slouched more and grabbed his stomach. He even managed to turn a little green as he moaned pitifully. 

“Alright, Sir Batrick Stewart. Let’s go.” Dani put her arm under Peter’s to ‘support’ him as they walked back to the door. Dani made a worried face and pushed inside, looking frantic. “Excuse me, my friend is super sick, could we use your bathroom?” Peter groaned to add emphasis. 

The guard didn’t even look up from his book. “Ma’am, we can’t let anyone in. I’m sorry.” 

“C’mon, man, everywhere else is closed, and I think I ate something bad…” Peter stumbled into Dani and put a hand to his mouth. The guard looked up at that, looking mildly concerned. 

“You know what…I don’t feel like cleaning up after you. Go on up. You got ten minutes.” 

Dani and Peter hurried to the elevator, thanking him profusely. They stepped into the elevator, and waited until the door closed. Once they were out of sight, Dani quickly picked the fifth floor. Peter straightened up and bowed dramatically. “See, no scaling buildings necessary!” 

Dani smiled slightly, but didn’t answer. Peter noticed she was rocking nervously on the balls of her feet. “It’ll be ok, Dani.” She nodded, then the elevator doors opened. They carefully stepped out and looked around, seeing no one. Dani started walking, leaving Peter to scurry after her. He kept his eyes on his surroundings, trying to focus his Sense beyond its current ever-present buzzing. 

After a few turns, Dani stopped at a corner and carefully stuck her head out. She looked back gave a thumbs up, and disappeared around the corner. Peter rounded the corner and saw a door that was almost violently unassuming, if you didn’t count the industrial hinges and the shiny keypad. Dani walked up, typed in a code, and opened the door. She held it open for the clearly surprised Peter, explaining, “I saw someone type the code when I was here.”

“Damn, nicely done.” They both slipped inside and quietly closed the door behind them. They were standing in a hallway with two doors. One was a standard wooden door, and the other was a heavy duty steel door with a hand scanner. 

“Well, unless you can make your hand look like someone else’s, let’s try the wooden door.” Peter chuckled as he went and cracked the door. He cursed quietly before turning to Dani. “It’s clear in here, but you’re not gonna like it.”

He opened the door all the way, showing what looked like an observation room. There were rows of computers and some empty desks, all facing a large window into the next room. That room was plain white, with a knocked over chair and table in the corner. In the center, an iguana in a baggy jumpsuit sat with his head buried in his knees. 

“What the fuck…” The two reporters walked in and stared through the window. “Can he see us?” Peter walked up to the window and knocked. The iguana looked up and stared at them. Dani waved nervously and walked up to the window. 

“Hey, um, we’re reporters from the Daily-“

“Run.” The iguana was shaking slightly and had a terrified look on his face. He stumbled to his feet and lurched towards the window. “RUN RUN PLEASE I-AAAAAA…” He started screaming and hunched over, the shaking intensifying. 

Peter’s Sense started screaming, and a faint glow seemed to surround the lizard. He grabbed Dani and moved her away from the window, trying to get her out the door. She let herself be led back, but stopped before they could leave. 

“I need to see what’s going on, Peter-“

“I have a really bad feeling about this-“

“I’ll run if I need to- Oh my god.” Peter and Dani watched in horror as the iguana started to contort and _change_. His skin changed from green to pinkish, his head and back spines started to recede, and his shape was twisting into something else until- 

“What the hell? Is that?” Dani stood aghast as a human stood up straight and walked towards the window and started knocking. 

“It looks like Hugh Jackman.” Dani looked at him like he had grown another head, and Peter realized that she had never seen a human before, and certainly not acclaimed actor Hugh Jackman. 

Before he could try to fix his mistake, Dani whispered, “What’s an Ackman?” Peter realized she had heard ‘Huge Ackman’, and decided it was as good a cover as any. 

“I uh, I think I read about it in a book. Anyway, we should go-“

“Do you think it can talk?” 

“I don’t know if he can, but we should not stick around to find out!” To his dismay, Dani started walking towards the window again. Realizing he was not going to be able to get her out, he joined her at the window, figuring he would at least be able to help more this way. 

“Hi, uh...sir. My name is Dani, I’m a reporter at the Daily Beagle. Can I-” The man locked eyes with Dani and started throwing himself against the glass, screaming. The glass shook each time he collided with it.

“LET ME OUT SO I CAN RULE YOUR WORLD-” After listening to his yelling for a bit, Dani sighed and wandered over to a computer. 

Peter stared at her, aghast. “Dani, it’s time to go, he’s trying to break through.”

“But he hasn’t yet, has he? Besides, I want to see what other information I can find here.”

Peter shook his head in amazement. “Ok. But I swear, if I see one crack in that glass, I’m pulling us both out, ok?” Dani nodded while continuing to investigate the computer. Peter started pacing and watching the Hugh look-a-like, who was still banging at the glass. The window continued to shake violently but, to Dani’s credit, it still seemed to be holding. Peter sighed and leaned against one of the desks. His Sense had been screaming ever since the transformation, but he was doing his best to keep his panic at bay long enough to let Dani find something to help her investigation. 

“Ok. All I’m seeing a bunch of research that there is no way I’ll understand. The only thing that I can make out is a test scheduled for...two days from now. Alright, alright.” She stood up from the computer and saluted the man. “We’ll be back, we’ll help you, ok?” He only glared back. 

“Great, let’s go.” Peter let Dani leave first, taking one last look at the man. This looked bad, and there was some kind of test in two days. Tests were almost never good in situations like this. He really didn’t know what to do yet, and he was worried. 

Dani poked her head back in and whispered, “Hey, I just remembered the guard downstairs. We gotta go or we’ll miss the ten minute thing.” Peter nodded and followed her out of the room, figuring the next two days would bring him some clarity.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, Peter was making some sauteed peppers and onions to put in the freezer when he felt his pendant vibrate. He pulled it from his shirt and saw a message from Noir:

> Are you still ok with meeting at 2:00?

He had forgotten about his meeting with Noir after the previous night, and thought about cancelling. But they hadn’t been able to see each other in a while, and he missed Noir. Besides, his friend might be able to help him with all of this. He quickly responded that he was good, and finished cutting the vegetables and threw them in the pan. About fifteen minutes later, he was putting them on a plate to cool when he heard the crackling of the portal behind him. Without turning around, he gestured for Noir to come in.

Noir walked over and stood behind Peter and said, “What are you making? It smells great.”

“Thanks, man. I’m just cooking some vegetables to freeze so I can use them through the week. How are you doing?” Peter put the pan in the sink and turned to Noir, who looked tired. 

“There’s a lot going on at work, so I’m in the office weird hours. But that tea has been really helpful with my sleep, so that’s a plus. How are you?”

“Oh boy, that’s a fun question…” Peter gave Noir the rundown of the night before, and explained his current dilemma as he finished putting the peppers and onions away. After laying it out, he hesitates before finishing, “So, I’m worried because this is...a lot. And even though it might be fine, if something went wrong and I knew, and didn’t do anything? I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. I have enough trouble doing that when I don’t know what’s happening.”

By this point, the two had migrated to the couch, and Peter was sitting with his knees curled up to his chest. He had tossed and turned all night, wrestling with the problem, and time was running out, and-

Noir slid over and hugged Peter. They simply sat like that for a moment until Peter was a little less panicked. “So, my first instinct is to take Dani out of the equation, and just think about the problem like that,” Noir mused quietly. 

Peter nodded. “Yeah, I’ve thought about that too. It’s probably smarter and more responsible-”

“But,” Noir interrupted, turning to look at Peter, “I tend to hold everyone I know at arms length. The people I love, the people I save. They were all just a duty I had to uphold. But one of the things I’ve learned from you all is that you can care about them and still do the job.”

“Really? Because I’ve thought about it a lot, and it seems way harder than it’s worth.”

“It’s not about easier or harder. It’s about...it’s about living for saving them, instead of living to save them.”

Peter stared off at the wall, thinking about what Noir had said, trying to find the words for what he was feeling. “But... isn’t that unfair? I put their lives in danger with this, and it could affect my decision making, and...I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

Noir sighed. “Their lives will be in danger no matter what we do, Peter.” Peter’s head snapped up at his name. The Fam tended to use their real names when they were being serious, but that didn’t make it less jarring. “And caring isn’t a weakness. It’s just a strength that you have to account for. Like, we have web-slinging, right? And we have to account for angles and swing and even cleanup, which affects how we use it. But we don’t call it a weakness, or say we shouldn’t use it.”

“That’s deep.” Peter thought for a second and smiled. “You should write a book. It will have an audience of six Spider-People, including yourself, but I think we’d enjoy it.”

They both laughed at that, and Peter felt the tension that had been building up since the stake out drain out of him. He winced a little as soreness shot through his body for a second; anxious tension and super-strength did _not_ mix. 

“Did any of that help?”

“Yeah, it did. I’ll keep thinking about it. Thanks.” Peter smiled up at Noir, who smiled softly back. He was so glad he had Noir…

Suddenly, Peter’s phone vibrated. He quickly pulled it out of his pocket and looked at it. His eyes widened in shock as he read: 

**Situation at 54th and H. Flashing lights and strange sounds. Approach with caution.**

“What the hell?”

Noir looked over with concern. “What’s up?”

“I programmed something to get me police info, and there’s something weird going on. You wanna check it out?”

“Sure. Is it at the building from last night?”

“Nah, across town,” Peter said, shaking his head. They both got up and headed towards their suits, Noir hopping through the portal in the kitchen, Peter running upstairs. 

After they had suited up (Noir complete with cat ears), they hurried out the back door and Peter led the way to the scene. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Mandy sat in the lookout position behind Spider-Ham’s house, buried underground with only a periscope to see through. She sighed and checked her watch, then groaned when it told her she had two hours until her shift was over. She did not understand her boss’s obsession with Ham or the Doc’s interest in the damn portals, but she got paid well and got to use her… _specific_ set of skills, so she didn’t question it. 

She was about to open another bag of chips when she noticed movement through the scope. She focused in on Ham’s house and saw the red and blue suited pig run out, followed by- _holy shit _.__

__She grabbed her phone and called Barty. “Boss. Yeah, yeah. Ham just left the house with his weird friend. Alright, will do. Thanks.”_ _

__She twisted around and climbed out of the look out, waiting to go to the house until she was sure the two were out of sight. Once she was, she walked quickly to the back door, picked the lock, and stepped into the kitchen. When she opened the doors, she saw something that made her grin like she had won a prize at the carnival._ _

__She walked over to the front door, looked through the window, and opened it for her colleagues._ _

__“You are not going to believe our luck.” She led them back through to the kitchen, where a portal was glowing in the middle of the room._ _

__Barty, who had been the last in the door, smiled. “Jackpot, ladies and gents.”_ _

__An otter started scanning the portal with a device the Doctor had given them, and Barty got a weird look in his eye._ _

__“What’s up, boss?”_ _

__“I think we should send an expeditionary force in. See what we can find. Hell, there’s another Spider from that side,” he said with a glow in his eyes, “maybe there’ll be more guys like us who want to see him dead.”_ _

__~~~~~~~~~~~_ _

__Ham and Noir landed by the building from the report and looked at each other. They watched as the reported flashes of light arced through the air, and decided ‘a weird noise’ was what the cops called ‘an unholy shriek from the pits of something worse than hell’._ _

__“Man,” muttered Ham, “they could have just sent me a Save the Date.” The two Spiders ran around the side of the building and swung up to a window hanging open on the third floor. Once inside, the noise only got worse, and they could smell electricity in the wake of the lights. They were standing in what looked to be a fairly normal office that had been hastily vacated; the chair was turned over, and the computer still had an unfinished game of solitaire on its screen._ _

__“Is that solitaire?”_ _

__“Yeah Noir, they’re getting some important work done, clearly. C’mon.” They hurried out of the room and started following the noise. Their Spider Senses, sure enough, seemed to be indicating the same direction. They turned some corners, ran up some stairs, and ran through what seemed to be a normal door._ _

__Luckily, they had good reflexes, so they didn’t run right off a narrow catwalk into what seemed to be a large warehouse. Ham yelled as he stopped himself from plummeting, then muttered, “People in this town have to start labeling their doors, I swear-”_ _

__A noise from across the warehouse made their Senses ping like a cat who had heard a can opener, and they pulled out their weapons. Ham looked over and face palmed. “Noir?”_ _

__“Yes?”_ _

__“Put the gun away. Don’t use that unless- just...no.” Noir shrugged and holstered the weapon._ _

__“I’ll just punch them, I guess.” They both jumped off the catwalk and started quietly swinging towards the sound. Without any warning beyond their Senses sudden scream, a large beam veered into their path. They both pulled up on their webs and neatly flipped over it, barely losing speed._ _

__“Nice move.” They had spoken simultaneously, and they fist bumped on their next up arc. Their Senses yelled again, this time at something behind _and_ in front of them. Ham looked over his shoulder while Noir focused ahead, and both yelled a warning just in time as a claw from below tried to grab them. They swung away from each other and to either side of the claw as it snapped shut. When they met up again, they looked at each other in confusion. This felt _weird_ , even for them. By this point, however, they had reached where the noise had seemed to come from. There was a large tractor trailer on its side in the way, which Ham tried to move while Noir kept an eye on their surroundings. _ _

__“Fuck, did they fill this thing with lead?” Ham was barely moving it and, even though he knew a truck like this was on the edge of his abilities, it just seemed _so heavy_. “Noir, give me a hand.” Noir came over and pushed with Ham and with that, the truck slid across the floor allowing them access to what looked like a control room door. They ran over, wrenched the door open, and surveyed the scene. _ _

__A tall gazelle in a ski mask was standing at a large panel of buttons and switches, and a rabbit was tied up in a chair in the center of the room, crying. Noir hurried to the rabbit and Ham sent a web at the gazelle, webbing her hand to the counter. “What the hell are you doing, ma’am?”_ _

__The gazelle turned to Ham and laughed. “Spider-Ham, welcome. I figured you would come. Won’t you take a seat?”_ _

__“I appreciate the offer, but I think the only chair in this room is taken by a kidnapping victim. What’s that about?” By this point, Noir had untied the rabbit and was telling them to get out. They nodded and ran out of the room, and Noir came over to stand with Ham._ _

__“They came in when we weren’t ready, so we had to...move up production. Soon this city will understand my power, and-”_ _

__“Yeah, yeah, I hope that ‘How to Talk like a Villain’ phrasebook you’re referencing has some good lines for when we kick your ass.” With that, the gazelle wrenched her hand free and slammed it down on a button. They heard gears start up outside, and Ham and Noir ran forward and started fighting. Noir swept her legs out from under her as Ham pressed the same button, and they heard the gears slow down. With a yell, the gazelle sprung back up and punched Noir in the stomach. He folded in half and stumbled back, and the gazelle pressed the button again. Ham shoulder checked her into the wall and pressed the button._ _

__This went on for a while, the two heroes countering the gazelles moves as she tried to continue turning on whatever the hell this place was building. Finally, Ham jumped off the button and head butted her in the stomach, driving her into the chair the rabbit had been in. Noir quickly started webbing her up as Ham rolled out of the way, and with both of them working, they managed to restrain her._ _

__“Any words, madame?” Ham panted. “Before we bring the cops in?”_ _

__“You may have won the battle, Ham. But you will not win the war.” Though the line was cliche, her tone was not. It had a layer of ice an inch thick, and it sent an involuntary shiver down Ham’s spine._ _

__“Alrighty, then. Well, would love to stay and get more of those chilling pronouncements, but we really do have to go.”_ _

__As he turned around, the gazelle called out, “Who’s your friend?”_ _

__Noir turned to her and laughed. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” And with that, they swung away._ _

__After they left, the rabbit came back in and looked around before walking over and letting the gazelle loose. “They really did a number on ya, didn’t they?”_ _

__“Yeah, but that was the point, wasn’t it? We know a lot more about them now.”_ _

__“Fair enough. I was just talking to Barty, and he said they had a lead too.”_ _

__“Glad to know my damn black eye won’t have been in vain,” muttered the gazelle._ _

__~~~~~~~~~~~_ _

__SPIDER CHAT_ _

__Peni__

> __I am formally submitting a request for our next meet up to be a Spider Pile. bring blankets and pillows._ _

__Miles_

> OH SAME OH SAME THIS WEEK HAS BEEN A RIDE

Peter B

> u 2? I got beat up 5 times yesterday

Miles

> Peter wtf

You

> I...fourth it, I guess? This week is only getting more stressful from here, and it already had two entire people disappear...

Peter B

> long story, kid

Noir

> I would be pleased with this as well. Good idea.

Peter B

> no one can laugh if I fall asleep though, I get warm and bundled, I pass out

 _You laughed at ‘no one can laugh if I fall asleep though. I get warm and bundled…’__  


__Peni__

> __Gwen, you good with this?_ _

__  
_Peter B_

> HAM YOU FUCK

Gwen

> sounds good!  
>  Also: language, Peter.

You:

> oh I’m sorry, are people making fun of you for falling asleep? How tragic

Peter B

> :P

Miles

> I’ll bring the yellow blanket my mom made me! It’s super soft.

Noir

> What is :P? I tried turning it sideways like :), but I am still confused.

You

> hell yeah, Miles.

Peter B

> Noir, it’s a tongue sticking out b

Peni

> Peter, what’s the b?

Noir

> Ah yes, I see it now. :P

Peter B

> I tried to use a period for once and I hit the b instead of the space

Gwen

> It can be your nickname! B!

Miles

> I like it!

Peter B

> really

You

> One of the other Peters can take their rightful place!

Peni

> yeah, me!

Peter B

> oh my god

You

> Yes, Peni. ;)

Gwen

> Perfect  
>  Also, that’s a wink, Noir

Peter B

> Fine, fine. I guess it’s a cool nickname

Noir

> Ham taught me that one, but thank you, Gwen

Peni

> yes it is, b. anyways, I have to go. See you in a few days!

_You changed Peter B’s nickname to b_

__~~~~~~~~~~~_ _

__Peter woke up the next day and sighed. He had been at the scene with Noir for almost an hour and a half the day before trying to explain to the cops that they had seen both a perpetrator _and a victim_ who had both apparently then proceeded to disappeared. The whole thing had been weird, but neither he or Noir could put a finger on why. He rubbed his eyes and tried not to think about it, given the day he had ahead of him. He had decided to at least go observe the test and be available if anything went down. If it stayed contained, he figured it was safe enough to let Dani work. She was pretty quick…_ _

__He had called out sick from work in preparation for this, so he had a leisurely morning preparing for the 2pm test. At about 1:15, he had gotten his suit on and was getting ready to head out when he heard a knock at the door. “Hey Peter, you doing ok?” It was Dani._ _

__He went over to the door and called out, “Yeah, just sick. I was such a good actor last night my body went and believed me.”_ _

__“Oh yes, that must be it.” He heard her laugh on the other side of the door before saying, “It’s a shame, I was hoping you could come with me down to 6th. Gonna see what I can find out about that test.”_ _

__Peter stared at the door in shock. He thought Dani was going to do things from the office, _shit_. Keeping his voice casual, however, he answered, “Yeah, sorry. I don’t think I’d be a credit to the investigation.”_ _

__“Alright. Feel better, ok?”_ _

__“I’ll try. Be careful, ok?”_ _

__“I always am!” And with that lie, she was gone. Peter quickly checked that he was ready and headed out the back. The door knob stuck weirdly as he locked it, and he made a note to look at it when he had some time, which was a concept that sounded foreign to him at the moment._ _

__In a few minutes he had made it to 6th, and felt his Sense kick back into gear. He hoped it was just reacting like it had two nights prior, and that he would just be observing today. As he approached the building, a small hamster child ran up to him and asked for his autograph. He quickly obliged and gave them a fistbump, which filled the kid with awe. As they ran off, Peter looked back up and saw Dani. Without thinking, he threw himself behind a mailbox. From behind it, he watched her walk into the building. He stood back up and headed across the street and hurried into an alley next to the building. He tried to estimate where would be at least close to the test chamber; fifth floor, they had turned right, then left, left…_ _

__He finally stopped at a concrete section and started scaling it to the fifth floor. Once there, he carefully looked in the window next to him. Empty, break room. He quickly pulled out a card and slid it past the lock. Once it was unlocked, he eased the window open and rolled in. He shut the window, locked it, and went and peeked out the open door. He hadn’t quite hit the right hallway, but he at least recognized where he was. He mapped out the rest of the route, then went back into the break room. He climbed the wall, carefully pulled out the grate, and clambered into the air vent. He heard voices from the hallway and quickly replaced the grate. Two marmots walked into the break room, seemingly chatting about the test._ _

__“Hopefully this calms it down. It’s been incredibly aggressive.”_ _

__“Yeah, it’s already scary enough. Bet Jason didn’t think he’d make such a god awful thing.”_ _

__They walked out of the room, Peter bristling in the vents. He didn’t like the pronoun ‘it’ for a lot of reasons, and it didn’t help that he had human friends. Even though he knew that the prisoner wasn’t actually human…although, was he not? Peter was now a pig, after all…_ _

__His eyes happened on a clock and saw it was only seven minutes until the test. Putting his moral questions behind him for the moment, he quickly started navigating to the test chamber._ _

__After a few false starts, he finally found a vent inside the observation room. A large group of people were gathered there, some at various computers typing furiously, some standing at the window, and the rest around one of the desks...including Dani. Shit._ _

__He quietly found a comfortable position in the vent to watch. He had said he would only intervene if necessary, and if Dani had a wire (which he assumed she did), this could be the end of the story. He had a good view of the window, through which the testing room was dark. He could just make out the curled up form of the iguana in the far corner. Below Peter, someone called the group to quiet and started some kind of prepared speech._ _

__Peter zoned out, words like ‘revolutionary’ and ‘triumph of research’ filtering through his head. He glanced down to see Dani with her arms folded behind her back, which she only did when she was nervous. But beyond that, she looked eager and attentive, and he had to admit she was a good actor. He never really went undercover with her, so this was kind of cool. Or would have been, if wasn’t so worried…_ _

__The speaker finished and the computer people started typing again. The lights in the blank room came on, and panels in the wall opened up. Strangely shaped objects popped out of them, and started humming and glowing. _What was with science and humming and glowing?__ _

__The iguana started contorting and yelling, going through the transformation. Some of the observers had clearly never seen it before, given their shocked noises. Peter watched the iguana carefully, and noticed as the change completed that he seemed much taller than a few nights before. He propped himself up, trying to make sure he wasn’t stiff if he had to move quickly._ _

__The newly-transformed man rose up and ran towards the window and started banging on it again. It shook violently, and Peter’s Sense yelled at each impact, more than it had before. _Shit_. He carefully put a hand on the grate, ready to pop it off. Below, the one who had been speaking walked up to the window and started talking to the man. “My beautiful friend! I just wish to thank you for helping me achieve great things-”_ _

__“I am not helping you. You are helping me!” The man grinned and hit the glass directly in front of the one Peter assumed was the project leader, who jumped back in shock._ _

__“What do you mean? I created you, and together we will-”_ _

__“You have simply freed me, allowing me to rain chaos on this pathetic place. Tremble before me!” And with that, he hit the glass once more and a large crack appeared in it. Peter took that as a signal to go, so he burst out of the vent, to the screams of some of the observers._ _

__“Alright, cool science fair project, except not really, time to go.” He webbed open the door and started pushing people towards it. “And don’t go leaving town, either. I think we’re all going to have a lot of questions for you.”_ _

__“No, no,” muttered the leader, running to a computer, “I can salvage this, we can try again.” The panel devices in the other room started glowing a different color. But, before they could do anything, the man went around and smashed them like they were made of sand. “No! Stop, you listen to ME!”_ _

__“Oh do I?” The man walked back to the window and, hitting to punctuate his thoughts, continued, “I believe-you’re going-to listen-to me!” More cracks formed in the window, and people were finally starting to evacuate. Peter walked up to the leader’s chair and pushed it through the door._ _

__“Bye, see you outside once I clean this up for you!” He turned around, ready to fight, and saw Dani still standing and staring at the spiderweb of cracks that had once been a window. “Ma’am, you have to get out of here,” he said, trying not to panic, “I’ll take care of this.”_ _

__“Sure you will, _Spider-Ham_. You’ll take care of it like you do everything else. Never mind that the rest of us will have to keep living with people who do this-”_ _

__“Please, we can have a discussion about my methods later, I’ll get you a satisfaction survey, but I promise you this isn’t something you can report away right now.”_ _

__She turned to him in surprise. “How did you know I was a reporter?”_ _

__“Um.” _Fuck_. “I’m a fan of your articles. Recognize you from other scenes. Anyway, time to go!” He quickly webbed Dani’s arm and pulled her out of the room, shutting and locking the door behind her. “Sorry Dani,” he whispered to himself just as the glass finally shattered. He pulled out his hammer and got into a fighting stance. The man lazily stepped out and looked down at Ham with a grin. _ _

__“And what’s a puny bastard like you doing here? Do you think you can stop me?”_ _

__“That’s the plan, Hugh. Can I call you Hugh?” Ham ran up and hit him in the kneecaps with the hammer, making the man stumble. “Because you look like a guy I know named Hugh. He had a thing about running from law enforcement too, funnily enough.”_ _

__Hugh reached down and picked Ham up and threw him into the wall, laughing. Ham got back up, shot a web, and swung at him, landing on his face and trying to knock him backwards. As Hugh tried to peel him off, he asked, “What the hell are you?”_ _

__Ham dodged his hands and jumped off, kicking him in the chest. He started trying to web him to the floor as he commented, “Hey, can we can it with the hostility? I’m a spider-pig, you’re an iguana who’s also sometimes a guy. I don’t think we get to make judgements, ya know?”_ _

__Hugh ripped off the webs before Ham could finish slinging them and grabbed him, swung him around a few times, and sent him flying into one of the smashed machines. Ham felt one of the broken pieces stab him in his right side. Cursing, he pushed himself off and landed back on the floor, stumbling just a little bit. He could tell the cut was deep, but he figured it would heal after a night’s rest. What wouldn’t do that was what would happen if Hugh made his way to the door. Ham quickly threw his hammer at Hugh’s head, making him turn to look at him._ _

__“Let’s table this discussion, shall we?” And with that, Ham webbed a table and used it to trap Hugh against the wall. He ran over and started shooting webs and punching him in the face to keep him from breaking free. After a bit of this, he was able to web all of Hugh’s limbs and he leaned against the wall, panting. At the door, he heard thumping._ _

__“Police, open up!” Ham stumbled over to the door and opened it, making Officer DeSpoto on the other side curse loudly._ _

__“You’re welcome, officer. I’m going to go sleep this wound off, m’kay? I’m assuming you have the science people.”_ _

__“Yeah we do. What are you doing here-”_ _

__“I’m bleeding profusely, can we do this later? Thanks.” And Peter pushed past the cops and made his way downstairs. Outside, he saw the majority of the people from the observation room being herded together by more officers. Off to the side, however, he saw Dani sitting on a curb, seemingly writing on a pad of paper. He went over and tapped her on the shoulder._ _

__“What-oh. It’s you.”_ _

__“I just wanted to make sure you didn’t get caught up in that.”_ _

__“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks. You’re bleeding.”_ _

__“Oh, yeah. It’ll heal. I’m pretty good at taking hits, I guess.” Dani didn’t respond. Peter didn’t know what to say. He wanted to make sure she was ok, but right now he was Spider-Ham, not her best friend. “Um...sorry about webbing you back there.” She grunted in response. He tried again. “You got a ride home? Someone to call?”_ _

__“I can take care of myself, thanks.” Peter figured it was time to head home. He’d wait for the news to break, then call her as Peter. She’d be fine._ _

__“Well then...have a good day, citizen.” He turned on his heel and walked away, trying to pretend he hadn’t seen Dani wiping away tears._ _

__~~~~~~~~~~~_ _

__He made it home and went for the first aid kit he kept in the kitchen. He carefully peeled his suit off to get to the wound, letting it hang around his waist. He put some gauze on it and started wrapping a bandage around his torso. Just as he finished, he heard a knock at his door._ _

__“Hey, Peter?” He froze and looked up._ _

__“What’s up, Dani?” He looked around frantically before remembering he was still supposed to be sick. “I don’t want to get you sick.”_ _

__“You’re fine. Can I just talk?” Peter walked up to the door and nodded, then realized she couldn’t see him._ _

__“Yeah, of course.” He leaned against it as she slowly started speaking._ _

__“I just got back from that building. It went...Peter, it was awful. They did something that made that thing stronger, and he started breaking through.” Her voice got rushed as she continued, “And fucking Spider-Ham showed up, and made everyone leave...which I guess is fine, but then someone called the cops, and now it’s their case, and they’re going to take all my research and recordings and lock it in a court case! Apparently there’s some kind of proprietary restrictions, and I’ll never see this story again. And I almost died, but all I can think about is this story, and…” Peter could hear her sobbing. “And I know it’s unfair again, but here we are again, and Spider-Ham is fucking ripping something from me again, just leaving the rest of us to clean up the pieces.”_ _

__“It’s ok, Dani. It’s ok.” Peter tried to find the words to comfort her, standing there in the Spider suit that had accidentally taken so much from her. “You will get more stories, and I know that doesn't help the now, but I promise this isn’t the end. OK? And with Spider-Ham...I’m pretty sure he knows he can’t do it all, Dani. And I think he wouldn’t blame you for feeling that way, ok? So don’t feel bad. The world’s weird, and a superhero you’ll probably never meet…” He took a breath, trying to not to cry, “he should be the least of your worries. You are more important. And I’m glad you’re ok. Ok?”_ _

__“Ok. Thanks, Peter.”_ _

__“No problem.”_ _

__“...I gotta go. Hope you feel better.”_ _

__“I think I will, don’t worry. Good night.”_ _

__“Good night.” And with another lie, she was gone. Peter wandered over to his couch and thought back to his conversation with Noir. About how this was harder, but worth it. And he supposed it was; if he hadn’t known Dani, he would have probably still fought that thing. And then who would have comforted her?_ _

__He hoped that was enough._ _

__~~~~~~~~~~~_ _

__The next day, the Fam was in a pile of blankets and pillows on the floor. B had indeed fallen asleep almost instantly, and the rest of them were talking._ _

__“Hey Miles?” Peter asked in awe. “If you can ever swing getting me a blanket like this, I would swear a blood oath to you.” The yellow blanket had an incredibly comforting weight, and felt like a cloud._ _

__“Maybe when I tell her about you all, I’ll see. OK?”_ _

__“Awesome.” Peter burrowed further into the pile and sighed._ _

__“So Ham,” Gwen said, her voice muffled by the blue blanket she was under. “You said the dude looked like _Hugh Jackman_?”_ _

__“Yeah, it was crazy. Didn’t act like him, though.”_ _

__“Sounds like it.” The five conscious ones laughed, which made B shift._ _

__“He is very out, isn’t he?” mused Noir, gently patting B’s head._ _

__“Yeah. Want to do something to him?”_ _

__“I think just this…” Miles grabbed another blanket and gently laid it on B’s body. “He’s Peter Blanket Parker.” The pile laughed again as the Spider-Fam relaxed, letting the stress of their unique lives wash away._ _

__~~~~~~~~~~~_ _

__Barty smiled slightly as he read through the report the Doctor had sent. He claimed he was already close to replicating the portal in some fashion, meaning his mission was almost complete. Barty’s however, had just begun._ _

__He had found some people in that other, black and white world who were _very_ excited at the chance to finally kill their Spider once and for all, and now he would have the portal to achieve it. _ _

__Life was looking up for the Pinhead of Crime, and the KingPin of that other world agreed._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! We are in tech week now, so the updates might slow down, but I'll try to keep them coming at some kind of rate. Have a good day!


	8. An interlude about Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares, and how the Spider-Fam changed them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all!
> 
> This isn't so much a chapter as it is the 'surrealist ballet' portion (a la Oh Hello) of this piece. I've been wanting to explore some of these themes for a while, but it never felt right, and since we're approaching a halfway point, I figured I needed to get on it, and I wanted to play around with a different format.
> 
> Some CWs: mental health, themes of dysphoria, dissociation, unhealthy coping mechanisms
> 
> Thanks!

_You’re like me._

_This phrase wove in and out of the Spider-Fam’s nightmares in the months before Peni appeared in a shining portal, inviting them to a new chapter of their lives. Now that they were together again, that phrase had stopped appearing, but the nightmares remained._

_They knew, realistically, they would probably never would go away._

Peni woke up crying, images of her dead father and crushed Sp//dr swirling around her darkened room. She would run to her workshop and run a diagnostic test on her new suit...and a second...and a third...and more and more, and wouldn’t stop until the sun came up. There was always something she forgot, or a button she hadn’t tried, or something she could have done to save her father, or an undiscovered bug in the code, or...

Noir desperately clawed at his sheets, still half asleep, convinced they were his Uncle Ben, and if he just could get to him, the Vulture would stop. Or he would cry as if it was another person who had died on the streets, and no one but him would help get them a proper burial. Or he would even pull a gun from under his pillow at an enemy, but he couldn’t decide if he should pull the trigger like the times before. Once he finally realized whoever or whatever he was seeing wasn’t there, he would lie awake, debating the ethics of his actions alone, being his own judge and jury, always deciding he would never be a good person. 

Gwen would wake up by hitting the floor of her room, having thrown herself off her bed in a particularly violent thrash. She was always back in a fight, usually one particular fight. Trying to forget the unforgettable image of Peter dying, slowly transforming back into a human, she would go to her drum set and play and play until she slid off the stool in a fit of catharsis she wasn’t prepared for. She had no one, she wanted no one, she told herself over and over, almost believing it each time. 

Ham yelled as he came to in twisted sheets that shouldn’t be there, why were there sheets, why did he feel weird, where were his legs, where was his web, why was he big, what were these things, what was he, why couldn’t he see right, why was he wrong wrong wrong, why why why...He would rip his consciousness from his physical form and stay like that for days, the only way he could see in these moments of escaping the endless questions, ringing reflections of his every thought, his Sense acting like a bell in a dryer.

And Peter B had so, so many years of life, and his life was a failure, so it was many years of failure. He would go to sleep just to watch a clip show of his past mistakes, almost a celebration of his own mediocrity. When he woke up, it kept going, and he knew on some level that this was bad, but it was just so much easier to let the current pull him away, away, and why even wake up, he wondered...

_They’d wander to the kitchen at one in the morning, shaking likes leaves, wishing they had someone to talk to, but not wanting to bother their friends._

_Because even if they knew, the Spiders didn’t want to bother their friends with it. They said it was to protect the innocent civilians in their lives, but really they all dreaded seeing their friends’ eyes fill with horror at what they’d seen, what they’d done or not done._

_So they did anything that would help draw the terror from their minds like poison from a wound, no matter what it meant for the next day._

Peni’s hands hurt and she was so, so tired, yet still couldn’t shake the impending danger feeling from her mind. 

Noir hesitated every time he swung in, but figured if he was already irredeemable, he might as well just go with it.

The music would always leave Gwen’s memory, but the feelings would stay, and she would push them down, down, until they were a constant pulse in the back of her mind. 

Ham walked around for days disconnected from everything, and had learned in these moments to do everything without ever looking down to see himself, and he would be fine. 

Peter B drifted further and further, spiraling into a life where he kept doing his job, but felt nothing but regret and shame, but he kept going because what else was there...

_Then they met each other. They had been hesitant at first, still not wanting to bother the family they had just found. But as time went on, they realized they were just that, a family, and they would do whatever they could do to help each other, especially when they might be the only ones who understand this part of each other._

Miles

> hey is someone up  
> Can one of you come over  
> please

b

> on my way kid  
> Everything ok?

Miles

> ...  
> no

Gwen

> I’m coming too, Miles. Hang on.

Noir

> Me as well, Miles.

Ham

> OMW, dude.

Peni

> Don’t worry, we’ve gotcha.

_They went to Miles and talked to him until the sun came up in that bright world, and Miles had almost forgotten the hazy dream of his uncle and the old Peter, shadowy broken bodies in the dark. After that, anytime one of the Spiders woke up from a nightmare, they messaged, and someone would come over._

_And though every Spider was still different, a common thread remained, and the phrase that had once plagued their dreams was now the antidote to their poison_

_You’re like me_

_You’re like me, and you’ll help show me everything is ok, or at least it will be._

Peni still woke up crying from images of the destruction of her original Sp//dr interspersed with a hazy recollection of her father dying. But now, whoever made it over would keep a comforting hand on her shoulder as she shakily checked on her new robot, half convinced it had been been destroyed too. After a full diagnostic (that would never change) and reassurances, she would be satisfied everything was ok, and whoever was with her would sit and talk about everything and nothing, getting her mind away from the darkness. 

She showed Peter B different products from her dimension, and they would run experiments together. Peni taught him about the various new elements that had been created until she was calm enough to go to sleep. Ham would show her his cartoon physics, and she would furiously scribble notes in a notebook. Her ongoing quest to understand his world would distract her from even the most oppressive horrors of her mind. 

_You’re like me, and I don’t have to walk it alone._

When Noir woke up screaming at a Vulture that wasn’t there, his family would come and take the gun from his shaking hands and give him the Rubik’s Cube instead. They would talk about ethics and colors as Noir endlessly spun the bright sections around and around. They would talk about the dancing reds and oranges of fire, how he was deserving of love, about the green that rubbed off leaves and stained fingers, how he had to make hard decisions, and was doing his best. 

Ham would bring photos he took, along with his camera, and he and Noir would take silly pictures, making it look like the salt shaker was attacking the end table. Miles set up a food drive and brought the stuff he collected to Noir, and they would spend the night going around in their suits, handing out food to the hungry. The people they helped were too thankful and hungry to question the strange colors, and Noir had to pick up fewer bodies as the months went on.

_You’re like me, and can catch me when I fall._

Gwen, despite knowing and loving them, couldn’t bear to call Peter B or Noir; they looked too much like the best friend she had been forced fight and watch die. She had learned to see the differences any other time. Peter B was older, so much older than hers ever got to be, and was finding a new side of himself as he recovered. And Noir, beyond the color scheme, simultaneously seemed to carry so much more on his shoulders, and had an air of constant wonder about him that shone through the greys. But when she was reeling from another dream where the Peter she knew lay dead on the ground, slowly transforming from his lizard form, having someone who looked just the same, and comforted her like he did...it was agonizing. 

So those two knew to ignore when she messaged late at night, and would go and individually message the other three until someone woke up to go to her. When they did, Gwen would play music as tumultuous as the thoughts in her head, but now they would catch her as she fell from the seat crying as the catharsis hit, and help her work through what she was feeling. She realized she had people, and wanted them around. 

Peni made a device that could transcribe the rhythms she played to look at later, and Gwen would show the younger girl how to play the drums. She would let the aftershock of her nightmare mingle with hesitant beat of Peni’s attempts, and it would slowly fade to background, waiting for a more level-headed Gwen to deal with it. Miles would bring art supplies and coloring books and would sit with Gwen and color. He would explain, as they grabbed crayons from a mug on the ground between them, that coloring was shown to decrease stress and help reduce anxiety attacks. Gwen would say that when a Spider-Person punched someone, it was an anxiety attack. The next week the whole Fam had t-shirts. 

_You’re like me, and you’ll accept me and help me accept myself_

When Ham went back to that night everything changed in his dreams, they would come and help ground him. They wrapped him in blankets, talked through what was real, kept him from dissociating to escape the now at the expense of the later. They went through each magnified thought, making it seem smaller, more manageable. They told him he was safe. They told him yes, you’re different, but so are we. They’d lament about their inability to stay warm, and celebrate that they never had to worry about shelves being too tall. 

Noir would come over and they’d go on a walk in the woods, letting the sensation of dirt and trees and wind keep him present. They’d bring the camera sometimes, and Ham would teach Noir how to take pictures using just moonlight, or how best to use the flash, and talking about something he loved with someone he loved helped remind him who he was. Peni would come over and her, Spider, and Ham would talk about being a spider, letting Ham transition back into the now, letting the past be positive memories instead of a painful change. 

_You’re like me, and that’s worth fighting for._

Peter B had people who knew he wasn’t a failure, and weren’t reluctant to tell him. They made him look at his thoughts and see they were unhealthy. He could talk about why he felt this way, and they helped him work through it all until he broke out of the never-ending pit of despair that he had been falling through. He remembered why he did what he did, why he fought for the city, why he loved MJ, why he studied science, why he was alive. He thrived instead of just surviving, which he knew was a cliche, but he liked those too, so it stayed.

Gwen, who couldn’t be comforted by him, found no trouble comforting him. She not only got to help a member of her new found family, she got to do what she ultimately couldn’t do for her Peter. So they went to his favorite restaurants, listened to the songs that set his soul on fire. She saw flashes of that younger Peter in his eyes sometimes, and she knew her Peter would be proud to live on in this man finding his way back to the light. And Peter B found some kind of calm in Noir’s presence. The younger man’s amazement at everything in his world, the technology, the colors, the life and vibrancy that contrasted his own Depression-era experience helped B recall when he had felt like that, and watching his own face in black and white light up made him want to have that feeling again. 

_And they knew there would always be bad moments. Life wasn’t perfect, especially for six Spider-People. But they also knew that, if they had each other, it would be ok._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> If you liked this: Cool, I'm glad!
> 
> If not: Fear not! Regularly scheduled programming will continue at some point this week!
> 
> Thanks again!


	9. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noir learns a lot of things, and doesn't really know what to do with most of them. The Fam debates opposites. A new player enters the frame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rolls in with hot chocolate* What up, sorry for the wait. We have opened the show! Yay! This chapter is brought to you by ellipses. So that's fun. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Spider-Noir paced the crowd of people, watching the perimeter for anyone looking to cause trouble. He was at a protest of unemployed people and abused workers, which were a common occurrence here. Whenever he could, he would don his suit and patrol them, making sure no one tried to break it up. His aunt and late uncle taught him to care about the working class, especially when they were being taken advantage. Even though Aunt May didn’t approve of his alter ego, he hoped she would like what he used it for. 

He nodded at some of organizers, who recognized him from previous protests. Up ahead, however, he noticed some uniformed officers walking towards the group. He quickly sped up to meet them before they reached it, straightening his coat as he walked. 

“Afternoon.” The officers stopped and looked at him, leading to an uneasy standoff of sorts. “I would like to remind you that these people’s right to protest is protected by the Constitution, whatever the corporate lackeys paying you off might say.” 

“Oh we know, Spider-Man,” one of the officers sneered. “We’re just here to make sure they don’t get...violent.” Noir knew that was bullshit, but could also tell that these officers at least weren’t going to risk outright starting something. He’d just have to keep an eye out for other people…

“As am I, officer. As am I.” He spun on his heel and shot a web onto a first floor ledge, swinging up and away from the policemen. Once on the ledge, he sat down and started observing the crowd. He saw some people on fire with emotion, some people stoic against the circumstances of the time, and some people...some people looked so tired. He knew that there probably wasn’t a person there who had eaten enough in the past year, and he cursed the Depression they were living under. It was hard to get work as is, and even harder to find work that didn’t beat you down into the ground for barely enough money to scrape by. 

He was about to pull out a notebook to start taking notes for a story when he noticed three men on the outskirts of the protest whispering together. They looked like they weren’t paying complete attention to the protest, which wasn’t weird in and of itself, but they seemed to be fiddling with things between them, and Noir thought they looked familiar…

Without warning, Noir shot a web at a street lamp above the trio and flew over to them. “Hello, gentlemen,” he muttered, casualness dripping off every syllable. The three men jumped and tried to hide what they were holding, but Noir could tell they were carrying some kind of homemade small explosive. “I do believe this protest wished to stay non-violent, given the police’s tendency to use violence as an excuse for them to return the favor.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about-” Noir got up in their faces and started whispering, an aura of danger surrounding his masked head. 

“I recognize you, Trevor, Smith, Gregory. And I know the police won’t mind having some of their own set up this protest...but I’m not the police. So I suggest you leave before I reveal to these lovely people who you are.” The three men looked at each other, looked at Noir, and decided it was probably for the best that they abandon this mission. 

Noir watched as they hurried away, shaking his head. He stayed there for a while at the back of the protest, sometimes shouting along with the people. After a while, he heard the clock strike one, and decided to head home to get ready for work. He slipped out and headed down an alley towards his apartment, where he almost ran into two women huddling by the wall. They looked up at him fear, then wonder. 

“Are you two alright? Were you heading to the protest.”

They shook their heads vigorously, and Noir realized that the one he thought was simply sitting was actually a small child. The older one spoke as he realized that, and said, “No, sir. It would not be...wise for us to do that. But we wish them all the best.”

“Why would it not-”

“Mr. Fisk said he would tie us to the table if we went.” The small girl looked up at him, eyes wide with fear. The older woman hushed her and looked around, as if expecting someone to be listening. 

“It’s not that bad,” she mumbled, not looking at Noir, “we just have to work hard…”

“It’s ok, ma’am. I’m sorry.” He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a can of peaches Miles had brought a few nights before and handed it to them. “Take these. They look strange, but they’re very good, ok?” The woman took the brightly colored can and turned it over in her hands. The girl looked at Noir, wide eyed. He nodded at them both. “I have to go. Take care.”

He quickly walked away down the alley leaving them behind. There was Fisk again...He still hadn’t heard anything about the letter he had received four months ago. He decided he’d talk to someone at the office when he got in later.

~~~~~~~~~~

Peter walked into the office, set his stuff down, and looked around. It was the middle of the shift change, so the large room was relatively empty. As he looked around Roger walked by, seemingly heading out for the day. Roger was one of their best investigative reporters, so Peter figured he might know something. Peter reached out and tapped his shoulder and said, “Hey, are you working on the Fisk thing?”

Roger looked at him, confused. “What Fisk thing?”

“I got a letter a couple months back about some worker abuse going on in one of his facilities? Ben said he’d start talking to people.”

“Haven’t heard of it, he must have given it to someone else. Night, Parker.” Peter watched Roger walk away, confused thoughts swirling in his head. He supposed Roger was right, though. Ben must have gone to someone else. 

As the shift changed, he went up to the other reporters and asked about the letter. As more and more of them said they hadn’t heard anything, he started getting worried. Why the hell was Ben keeping this to himself? He couldn’t stop thinking about the little girl in the alley; she was so small, and her anecdote about getting tied to a table echoed in his head. He knew he couldn’t bring it up without putting them in danger, but he could follow up on the Fisk lead he did have. 

An hour after Peter had arrived at the office, Ben swept in late, clearly thinking about other things. Peter waited two minutes to let him put things down before walking over to his desk. Ben jumped a bit when he realized Peter was hovering over his shoulder. 

“You scared me Peter, you’re good at sneaking up on me. How are you?”

“Why haven’t you told anyone about the Fisk letter?” Ben finally looked up at Peter, and Peter could tell whatever came out of his mouth next was going to be a lie.

“What do you mean? We’re working on it Peter, I-”

“Roger doesn’t know, Steve doesn’t know, Anna doesn’t know, Todd doesn’t, Eric, Ned, Harry, _none of them know_. Ben, what the hell?”

Ben looked down again and sighed. He quickly stood up and looked around the office, where the others were clearly trying not to look like they were listening. “Walk with me Peter, will you?” He grabbed Peter’s shoulder and forcefully steered him to a stairwell. Once they got in, Ben turned to him. “Look, I’m sorry for not being honest with you sooner-”

“You literally just tried to lie to me, Ben!”

“I know, I know. Knee-jerk reaction. Look...yes, I haven’t told anyone. But...Peter, this is personal.”

Peter looked at him incredulously. “I know you’ve tried to pin him for things before. I don’t understand why you’re forgoing the resources of our department-”

“Kingpin killed my wife, Peter.” Peter stopped talking, mouth agape as Ben continued, “I was trying to get close to him for a story, and he didn’t like it, and he had her killed.”

“Ben, I…”

“That’s why I can’t let anyone else in on this, Peter. I’ve got to get him for her, I have to make him pay.” Peter looked into Ben’s eyes and saw a haunted man looking back at him. “Promise me, Peter, you’ll let me do this. I just need some more time. Then I’ll let everyone in, and we can nail him. OK?”

“Alright, Ben. Please be careful.” Ben nodded and left the stairwell. Peter leaned against a wall and sighed. So that’s why Ben had been acting weird about this, he had built up a revenge quest against Fisk. Peter could tell it meant a lot to him, even if he thought anything powered by revenge was misguided. He was now more worried about his friend than before; personal vendettas never inspired restraint in those who held them. 

Luckily, Peter had promised not to intervene. Not Spider-Man. He quietly made plans to swing by Fisk’s place in a few nights for a fact finding mission.

~~~~~~~~~~

The night after his confrontation with Ben, Peter waited for Ham to call for their regular ‘hang sesh’, as his friend called it. He was tired, but not as bone-crushingly so as he usually was. He had been sleeping better for a while now, and he was also excited to see Ham. He was always calmer when Ham was around, and he felt better about himself…

He stopped for a second, examining his thoughts. He felt bad for a moment, feeling like he was being rude to the rest of the Spider-Fam. He loved them all _so much_ , they were his family. Miles would sit and draw on his hand in colorful marker and tell him about his day at school, Gwen would let him try out her drum set and sit on her balcony and look at the sky in her universe. Peni would show him how to use different gadgets from all their universes and steal his hat, and Peter B show him funny cat videos and bring him noir detective novels to read. They made his life brighter, every single time he saw them. But Ham…

It felt different, being with him. He got a weird, pleasant feeling in his gut when he made Ham laugh. And when he looked over at him focusing on anything, whether it was a picture, or a case, or the jigsaw puzzle Miles brought a few weeks before, he had realized he had been staring, admiring how he examined every piece, his tongue stuck out just a bit in concentration…

He shook himself out of his thoughts. Ham was his best friend, they were really close, so that explained it. Right. He ran his fingers through his hair (that’s normal, right?) as he watched the wall, waiting for the portal. 

A few moments later, the normal black shapes appeared, heralding the arrival of the portal. It quickly coalesced into a glimmering ring, through which Peter saw that Ham was texting on his phone. He looked up and smiled at Peter. “Let me finish this, Noir. Good to see you.” Peter watched as Ham continued typing, fingers quickly tapping keys. He was wearing an open yellow and orange plaid shirt over a black t shirt, and Peter thought about how nice the flannel was, and how it was almost as bright as Ham’s smile. 

“Noir? How are you?” Peter looked back at Ham, whose look made him realize he must have missed the question the first time. 

“Sorry, sorry. I’m doing ok, work is weird.” He cleared his throat and nervously added, “It’s good to see you, Ham.” Why was he nervous? He was just thinking too much about all of this, it was fine-

“So, what do you want to do, Noir?” Peter stared at Ham, who was looking at him, waiting for an answer. He got the feeling he had missed part of the conversation again, but given why that was, he wasn’t keen to admit that. 

“Um...I don’t know, we could watch another one of those movies?” _Those movies? What was that?_

“I mean, if that’s what you want to do…” Ham paused for a second and laughed. “Sorry, that came out weirdly passive-aggressive. I just meant that I feel like we’re always doing something from my dimension, you know? I wanted to see what kind of hobbies you had, you know?” Peter didn’t notice how Ham had stopped making eye contact with him by the end of his sentence because he was panicking about the question. What _did_ he do?”

“Oh, yeah. Things I do.”

“Like, for fun.”

“Yeah.” Peter looked around his apartment, not sure how to answer that. “I read the books B gives me. I do the Rubik’s cube. That’s all stuff from you all, though…”

“Ok, besides that stuff, what do you do when we aren’t around?”

“I work. Do Spider stuff. Protests. I’ll hang out at the soda shop. Egg creams, you know…”

Ham, who had produced a notepad from the ether, was writing as Peter spoke. “Alright, I ran these figures, and of all the things you’ve said just now...exactly one could be described as a leisure activity. And, while I must admit that going to the damn _soda shop_ is the best thing I’ve heard this week, I think we need to find more things for you to do here.”

Ham hopped through the portal, flipping to a new page in the book, which Peter could see was already filled with writing. “Ham, I don’t know, I’m not so much of a leisure person.”

“I know, Noir. Look,” Ham said as he tugged on Peter’s shirt to get him to sit with him on the couch. “I’m not sitting here trying to change you, ok? You don’t even have to use any of these things I wrote down. I just want to make sure you have something that you can do that’s just for you, because that’s important.”

Peter nodded. “I know, it’s just hard sometimes. I still kind of fall into the idea that I have to keep working or else I’m failing people, you know?”

“I know, big guy. That’s why I’m helping you.” Ham reached over and squeezed his arm, causing Peter’s stomach to drop into his ankles for no reason. “So, I was thinking about hobbies where you make a thing, because I think it’s cool to have something to hold at the end, what do you think?” Peter stared at Ham, thoughts swirling around his head about how lucky he was, and how really _nice that flannel looked_ and how it would be nice to learn to make things, and- “Noir? Are you good with that?” _shit_

“Yeah, that sounds really nice.” Ham nodded happily, seemingly not noticing Peter’s weird energy. Peter was relieved by that, he didn’t want to freak him out just because he was having some kind of crisis. They kept talking, Ham running through a list of ideas he had, both debating on how easily Peter could procure the necessary materials, what did Peter want to make…

“The nice thing about a lot of these is you can do stuff with colorful materials from us, but you can also make nice stuff here.” Peter nodded and smiled, scanning Ham’s loopy handwriting. 

“Hey, wait a second…” Peter jumped up and ran to his room, grabbed his Spider-Suit, and brought it back to show Ham. “I had to hand-make this, right? And I have to repair it pretty often too. And I’ve always found it nice, even though things have to go pretty south to make me have to repair it.” Ham was holding the suit and running his hands over the stitches as Peter talked, words bubbling out of him faster than normal, but he was too excited to care. 

“This is really nice work, Noir.” Peter stopped talking for a second as his stomach seemed to find some butterflies down around his ankles to play with. 

“Thank you, May taught me.” _even though she didn’t want to..._

Ham, seeming to hear the unspoken thought, lightly patted his arm before saying, “Well then, let’s do some kind of cloth-like thing then, hm?”

“Yeah, that sounds really good. I was looking at knitting and the embroidery, actually, but I can’t decide which one.”

Ham chuckled. “You can do both, silly.”

“Oh. Of course.”

“We started the day trying to get you one hobby, and now you’re getting two! I’d call that a success.” Ham winked at him and hopped off the couch. “I’m gonna grab a glass of water. You want anything?” 

“I’ll come and grab something.” As they walked into the kitchen, Ham started walking towards where he knew the glasses were.

“Hey, can you give me a boost-WAIT.” He quickly webbed up to the wall next to the cabinet, opened it, and passed two glasses to Peter. “I can climb here! Hell yeah!” He skittered up the wall and hung from the ceiling for a moment, letting his hands go to hang right at Peter’s eye level. “How’re you doing, big guy?” He reached out, ruffled Peter’s hair, and neatly flipped down to the floor. He gave Peter an exaggerated bow and grabbed one of the glasses from his hands. 

As Ham turned away, Peter realized he had been holding his breath. Why would he be nervous? He knew Ham knew how to climb, but, now that he was thinking about it, he didn’t think that was the reason…

“You got any ideas for your first project?” Peter started, looking over at Ham as his brain desperately tried to catch up with the conversation. He watched as Ham took a sip of water and he tried to do the same, only to find his glass was still empty. Ham laughed, saying, “Maybe your first project is filling that with something before drinking it.”

Trying to regain his composure, Peter walked over to the sink and casually said, “Maybe I wanted to drink some air. Ever thought of that?” Ham, who had been drinking again, almost spat out his water and started cackling, leaning against the counter for support. Peter felt a bubbly sensation in his chest, like he’d drank a soda and it had decided to hang out by his lungs given the continued vacation of his stomach at his ankle. 

“You’re fucking amazing, you know that, right? Holy shit.” Ham wiped his eyes and stood back up. “Alright. You wanna pop over to my place and look into some projects you can start with?” Peter nodded, and they both walked back to the portal and stepped through into Ham’s office. Ham opened his laptop and let it start up as he looked back at Peter. “I can ask Dani for some knitting tips too. She’s been doing it for a while now, think she’s making a blanket for an office baby shower.”

“That’d be great.” Ham talked about Dani a lot, and had promised to introduce everyone when he told her about Spider-Ham. Peter was glad Ham had someone in his day to day life he could rely on. It was kind of like him and Ben. Except for this new revenge plot, of course.

Ham’s computer flashed onto his home screen, and he started searching for ideas. “Yeah, Dani made me a scarf, so I expect something from you too!” He looked over his shoulder and winked at Peter before continuing to scroll. Peter kept staring at the back of Ham’s head, not able to look away. 

“Anything for you, bud.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Spider-Noir walked towards one of Fisk’s facilities the night after he decided to take up knitting with Ham. He had thought about messaging the Fam and seeing if they could come help, but decided against it; he was trying to keep this as low profile as possible. He turned up the collar of his coat as he got closer to the monolith of a building, ducking down a deserted alley in order to climb up to the roof. He quickly walked along the edge, looking for a path down to a window. The building was totally smooth, its few windows flush with the wall, which made it harder for Noir to sneak up to one. After a full lap around the building with no leads, he thought again about the little girl from the alley and decided to take a chance. He chose the back wall, figuring that would keep him from being seen from the street. 

He quickly walked down the side of the building towards a window in the center, giving it a wide berth in order to end up underneath it. He quickly brought his hands up to the bottom of the window, letting himself be parallel with the building. He cautiously peeked his head over the edge of the window, and what he saw inside almost made him let go. 

He was looking into a large room, lined with heavy doors. There were countless pieces of machinery about, all of them on and rattling. There were at least 100 people bustling around, with arms full of things Noir couldn’t make out. In the corner, there were ten lines of tables, each filled with three people each, hunched over whatever they were working on. Noir watched as a small form stood up and walked towards one of the doors. A taller figure stood up and tried to go after them, but two guard-like figures reached them first. They picked up the small person and brought them back to their seat, seemingly shouting the whole time. When they left, they left a figure more hunched then their neighbors, seemingly furiously working. 

Noir could feel danger pulsing off this place like a heartbeat, but couldn’t shake the sight of Ben’s face from his mind. Ben had taught him everything he knew about reporting, and was probably the closest person to him, since May kept Noir at arm’s length. He sighed as he surveyed the workers, trying to decide what to do. After a long moment, he peeled his hands away from the wall and walked down to the ground. He positioned himself around the corner from the entrance, waiting for the workers to exit. He figured he would figure out where they lived and get them some food. If he couldn’t save them from this yet, he could at least make the rest of their lives a little less awful. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Fisk squinted at the strange, glowing rectangle in front of him. It showed a moving image of Spider-Man crawling all over his building which, he was told, was happening right then. He sat back and watched as the damn vigilante peeked into his warehouse, itching to do something. A guard behind him seemed to sense this and asked, “Do you want to send someone out, sir?”

“I do want to, yes. But I believe it would be more prudent to let him think we don’t know he’s here.” He thought back to the hooded figure who had arrived at his building a few weeks before, holding a large bag that had contained this thing (he thought the figure called it a screen), along with some kind of devices that somehow provided this image to him. 

He hadn’t really been able to see under the hood, but the figure was big, almost as tall as him. He had said that there was another Spider-Man, and he wanted to team up to exterminate them both. Thinking back, Fisk remembered thinking the figure had said Spider- _Ham_ , but figured it must have been the weird, growly tone that came from under the hood. 

The figure hadn’t given him much information, but he did say he would bring him information they could use to take down the irritating masked hero, so Fisk hadn’t pushed too much. The technology he had been given was enough to make him believe this guy was different, and Fisk was more than ready to finally squash that sticky thorn in his side. 

And if another Spider got killed in the process? He figured that was just part of the job.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Alright, new question. What’s the opposite of tea?”

“Motherfu-”

“Language!” The Spider-Fam were crowded into Miles’ dorm room along with Miles’s roommate Ganke. The rest of the Fam felt a little awkward at first, since their last meeting with the boy had involved him fainting, but they quickly calmed down as he proved to be a delightful addition to their meeting. They were currently discussing opposites, and the discussion was getting heated.

“I think it’s coffee,” Peni said from her spot by the door. She had dragged a milk crate full of books over and was perched on it, Spider amusing itself by climbing through the holes. 

“Are you serious?” asked Gwen. “Coffee and tea are like, brothers or whatever. They both are plants in hot water-”

“That’s why, they’re two ends of the spectrum of hot plant juice!”

“Nah, nah. The answer is obviously lemonade,” said Ham from on top of Miles’ bed. “Like, lemonade is a kid’s drink, and tea is the adult version.”

“Well that’s it, then, isn’t it? That’s versions, not opposites?”

Ham sat up and looked at Gwen. “Well, that’s the point of this conversation, now isn’t it?”

Miles and Ganke had moved both of their desk chairs to Ganke’s desk and were watching the whole thing go down. Continuing their trend of not contributing, but rather fanning the flames, Ganke called out, “Ok, what about milk?”

“Water,” Peter said immediately. 

“No, because if you add water to milk, it just slowly turns into water!”

“Is that not the definition of a spectrum?”

“Does a spectrum even imply opposites?”

B moaned from his position on the wall. “Look, I don’t know about a lot of these, but the answer to milk is chloroform.” The rest of the Fam and Ganke turned slowly to look at him. 

“What?”

“Where the hell did you pull _that_ from?” Ham sputtered, leaning over the edge of the bed to look at B. 

“I think I know, and it’s not a good place to keep chloroform-”

“Hey, Peni, enough.” B sighed and rubbed his face. “It’s a matter of science, ok? Look-”

“Alright, Bunsen Burner.”

“I have a degree in chemical engineering, what do you have?”

Gwen looked up at him and stated, “The common sense to know that the opposite of milk isn’t chloroform, no matter the science.” B huffed in annoyance as the rest of the Fam laughed. 

“What about a computer?” offered Peni.

“What _about_ a computer?”

Before she could answer, Ham immediately said, “Paper.”

Gwen added, “A pencil and paper.”

Peter looked around. “Can two things be the opposite of one?”

“Yes.”

“No! Gwen, you have to pick one, and it’s paper.”

“What about a rock?”

“Noir, all computers are is a bunch of fancy rocks, honestly.”

“Fair enough.” Peter did not pretend to understand computers, and the idea of them being full of rocks was amusing enough for his entertainment.

“It’s a brain, clearly.”

“Peni, a brain is just a computer! It’s the same thing!”

“Well, one is living and one isn’t!”

“What about AI, then?”

“That’s still not living-”

“I still think it’s paper, _no pencil_.”

“Alright, alright, let’s table this one for the moment,” Miles said, chuckling. “I can’t have you all destroying my room over this.”

“Good,” Ham said, flopping back onto the bed. “My head was starting to hurt.”

“This isn’t over, you all. We will find the opposites to everything, eventually.”

B laid down and quoted, “the opposite of light is not darkness, which is merely the absence of light.” 

Miles looked up, delighted. “You have Terry Pratchett in your universe too?” B sat up excitedly. 

“Hell yeah I do! Anyone else?”

Gwen raised her hand while Ham asked, “Satirical fantasy, turtle with elephants?” When they nodded, Ham continued, “Yeah, we got him. He’s Terry Ratchett here.”

“He’s a classical author for me, and one of the only good ones at that,” Peni said. Peter sat by as they all excitedly discussed this author, figuring this was another situation of his dimension being in their pasts. B looked over at him and pointed. 

“Noir, you probably don’t have him yet! I’ll get you some of his books, alright? He’s the best.”

“I can get you some at his book signing this weekend!” B stopped still, then slowly looked at Miles. “What, does he not do book signings near you?”

“He’s dead in my dimension. He passed away a few years ago.”

“Oh. Well, you want to come meet him?”

B started crying a little as Ham climbed down from the bed and wandered over to Peter. “He’s really great, Noir. I’ll let you read a human version, though, and we can talk about any differences.” Ham sat down next to Peter and leaned against him. “How’s your project coming?”

Peter, trying not to react to Ham’s closeness, said, “I just started the first row. I got some nice yarn from a family friend. I think May’s excited I’m doing this.” Ham nodded against his side, but didn’t reply, leaving Peter to stew in his thoughts. 

The Fam had established good communication about personal space, and they all agreed that they were fine with getting up in it, within reason of course. They all had varying degrees of connections back home, and being able to absentmindedly braid someone's hair, or shove six Spider-People on a couch to play Mario Kart was fantastic. The more isolated Spiders hadn’t realized how little they got things like hugs in their dimensions, and the others were happy to fill the hole for them. Peter looked around to see Miles and Gwen huddled by a bookshelf, seemingly comparing books. With all of that, Peter had gotten accustomed to actual human contact over the months, so it really didn’t make sense for him to feel like he was getting an electric shock from Ham’s head on his side. 

Did it mean something? He felt like he was wandering around something he couldn’t see quite clearly, but stood looming in the fog of his mind. He remembered his time with Ham a few nights prior, and how distracted he’d been, and how he felt when he laughed…

He was shaken out of his thoughts by Miles cursing and B’s immediate scolding. Miles had seen his watch and remembered he had a test the next morning. The Fam started getting up ad saying their goodbyes, hugging and high fiving as their mood dictated. 

Peter nudged Ham, who grunted and stood up, muttering, “I’m not asleep, don’t worry.” He yawned before adding, “Don’t know how long that’s gonna be true though.” Peter smiled at him and gave him a hug. 

“Get some sleep, Ham.”

“You too.” Peter watched him wander over to Peni and start an elaborate secret handshake. He shook himself a little when he realized he was staring (again, that seemed to happening a lot) and went over to Ganke, who was starting to put chairs back where they belonged. 

“It was good to actually meet you. I’m glad Miles has a friend who he can talk to here.”

Ganke shook his outstretched hand. “You too, sir. Have a good night.” Peter tipped his hat at him and turned around, retrieving his pendant from under his shirt. He opened a portal, stepped through, and looked back, waving once more. The last thing his eyes landed on was Ham enthusiastically describing something to B. As the portal closed, Peter’s thoughts from earlier coalesced into something so incredibly clear, it felt like someone punched him in the gut. He sat down, missed his couch by a good six inches, and ended up laying on the floor with two thoughts on loop in his head.

He was in love with Ham. And he had no idea what to do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the backstage crew for the opposites discussion and letting me use it. It just screamed Spider Fam. 
> 
> A new chapter should come somewhat soon? Thanks for sticking around and reading. 
> 
> And finally, GNU Terry Pratchett.


	10. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ham does some more team-building. Doc Ock and Barty don't agree on more things. Ham takes on a project, and realizes something as he goes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! No real notes for this chapter. Enjoy

Peter woke up to his beeping alarm and sighed. It was another day of Daily Beagle team building, and he was not looking forward to it. Greg had held onto his anger from rock climbing a lot longer than he had anticipated and, while Greg wasn’t savvy enough to catch anymore Ham activity, it was still stressful to have someone looming over his desk as if he was just going to web something in broad daylight. Luckily, they were going to a ropes course, which was a lot easier to fake. 

His pendant vibrated a little on the table next to his bed, and he grabbed it, seeing a message from Noir on it.

> Hello. Would it be alright if we moved our meeting to tomorrow evening? Something came up at work. Sorry!

Peter quickly replied.

> That’s fine! Good luck on your work thing. :)

> Thank you. :)

Peter put the pendant back down and started getting ready for the day. As he went through his routine, his thoughts drifted to Noir. He was probably Peter’s best friend of all the Fam; he loved them all so much, but it was different with Noir. He couldn’t quite put a finger on why, though… He pushed the thought out of his head, figuring it didn’t matter, why would it matter? He had people he loved, why dwell on it? Why dwell on it for months…

He finally moved on when he realized that Dani hadn’t texted him yet. They had been planning on walking over to the Beagle together, and he was worried she was still sleeping. She had been working herself harder than usual, and Peter hadn’t been able to make her sleep as often as he would have liked. He grabbed his phone and texted her before grabbing a box of cereal. After he finished two bowls with no response, he sighed, grabbed his stuff, and walked down the street to her house. He called her as he walked, hoping to possibly rouse her before he got there. The phone rang for a while, then went straight to her answering machine. 

He cursed quietly and picked up the pace, making it to her house a few minutes later. He knocked on her door, already reaching into his pockets to find his keys to her house. “Dani? I’m coming in, you ok?” He waited a second, hoping for an answer. When none came, he hurried inside, looking around the dark interior. Nothing seemed to be out of place, but it had a distinctly unlived feel to it. He walked down the hall to the living room, where he saw a figure slumped over on the couch, a laptop in her lap. He hurried over to her, and was relieved to see her breathing. He gently tried to take the laptop from her, only to have her sit bolt upright and grab onto it, yanking it out of his hands.

“Dani, Dani, it’s ok, it’s Peter.” She looked wildly around the room, clutching her computer, before her eyes finally fell on him. He watched as her eyes slowly focused on him, which made her slowly unclench her fingers from the computer. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, yeah, I was working on a story and must have fallen asleep…” She set the computer down next to her and rubbed her eyes. She groaned and massaged her neck, which had been sitting at a weird angle. “What time is it?”

“We have about fifteen minutes before we have to go to the Beagle for team building.”

“Fuck.” She looked down at her rumpled clothes, probably the same ones from the day before, and groaned again. 

“Look, you go get changed, I’ll get breakfast. You want coffee?” She nodded and stood up, stretching a bit before walking upstairs. Peter went into her kitchen and started up her Purrig, filling it with water before looking in her cabinets for something to eat. He looked at the time again, and decided a breakfast bar and banana would have to do. He stuck a cup in the Purrig and let it brew, absentmindedly putting away the drying dishes haphazardly strewn about the counter. Dani came downstairs just as her coffee finished brewing, and Peter threw her the granola bar. She reached up and caught it, ripping it open with her teeth before commenting, “Nice throw.”

“Nice catch. We still have a few minutes, you can sit down to eat.” Peter quickly brought her coffee as she slumped into a chair, nibbling on the bar. “How have you been sleeping?”

“Enough,” Dani muttered through a mouthful of granola. “I gotta keep working.”

“You also need to sleep. And eat. You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends!” Dani nodded, but Peter could tell she wasn’t convinced. He decided he would try to talk to her more later, as the window for them leaving on time got ever smaller. Dani finished off the bar, threw back the rest of her coffee, and grabbed the banana. 

“I’ll eat this on the way, let’s go.” They quickly left the house and started walking towards the Beagle, where buses would pick all the employees up and drive them to the ropes course. “You think Greg’s gonna try and ‘find you out’ this time around?”

“I assume so. I think his current theory is that I have some DNA from one of those sticky hands.” Dani started laughing, and the tiredness that had been weighing on her seemed to ebb away. 

“Thanks for getting me, man. And I’ll try to get some more rest, ok?”

“No problem. And want to kick that off by watching a movie tonight? My plans for tonight were just pushed back.”

Dani looked at him and waggled her eyebrows. “Plans? With who?”

“It’s not like that, and you don’t know him.” _It wasn’t like that, right?_ “We’re friends, long distance. It’s a long story.”

“Alright, alright, don’t worry. I won’t interrogate him.” Peter tried to figure out why he was so thrown by her question. Probably just him not wanting to have to talk about the Fam, it would be hard…

They eventually got to the Beagle just as the buses started showing up. Steve, who was standing in front of a group of their coworkers, didn’t notice the two of them slip into the back of the crowd as he started reading off groups for the day. 

“Alright, group 1 will be Dani, Paula, Peter, Sam, and Greg.” Peter and Dani, who had fistbumped at Peter’s name, groaned quietly at Greg’s. Steve kept listing off groups as Dani and Peter started whispering quietly. 

“Oh good, Greg will get to ask me stupid questions all day. That’s what I wanted when I woke up this morning.” 

“I’ll punch him in the face for you.”

“No, that’ll just make it worse. It’s fine, he’ll just make a fool of himself again.” As Peter talked, his sense pinged on something behind him and to his left. Combined with Dani’s pointed look in the same direction, he figured the platypus himself was approaching. He waited a beat, then turned to see Greg trying to sneak up on him. “Hey Greg, looks like we’re in a group together!” He beamed at Greg, which had its intended effect of annoying the larger animal. 

“How’d you know I was coming, Porker?”

“I guess I just have good peripheral vision. Maybe it’s for the same reason I can, according to you, stick to walls. Which is, of course, a well-known trait of pigs.” Greg glared at him, did the ‘I’m watching you’ gesture, and walked off. Peter looked back at Dani with raised eyebrows. “I didn’t realize people still did that in real life.”

“What an asshole,” muttered Dani. 

“Alright, everyone! Let’s get on these buses, it’s team building time!” The crowd started separating towards the three buses, and Dani and Peter watched Greg shove his way to the front of the crowd near the front one. 

“Guess we’re going to the back bus,” mused Dani. They walked around the back of the group to join the line boarding the last bus in the line. As they shuffled forward, Peter noticed a dandelion poking out of the concrete at a jaunty angle. He pulled out his phone and kneeled down to get a good angle. Dani chuckled above him. “You photographers really will do anything to get a picture.”

“I create _art_ , Dani! Why must you mock my pursuit of beauty?” He looked up and stuck his tongue out at her, making her laugh harder. He hopped back up and showed her the picture he had taken from a little below the flower, looking up into the sky. As she oohed, he made a mental note to show it to Noir as well. He would love the colors, and he was interested in dandelions. Something about how they lived and grew, even in adverse conditions. Just like him. Sometimes Peter would look at Noir and have a wave of awe wash over him at how he handled the things life threw at him, and how he was still kind, and growing-

“Peter?” Dani’s voice brought him back to the present, and he looked up from his phone. Dani was looking at him with an amused expression. 

“What’s that?”

“I asked how long you’ve been taking photos.” She cocked her head and said, “What were you thinking about?”

“Oh nothing, you know-”

“Don’t bullshit me, you had a weird ass smile on your face.” Peter looked at her for a long moment. 

“Just, uh. Thinking about a friend of mine. He’d like this.” 

Dani nodded thoughtfully. “Same friend that you’re meeting tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Good friend, I’ll introduce you two sometime.” Peter’s thoughts were racing. This was normal, right? He liked showing his friends things, it wasn’t that weird. Yeah. He was just excited to show Noir the picture. 

Dani nodded. “You’re a good friend, you know that, right?” 

“Thanks, Dani.” He felt a little bad at that, given how much she didn’t know about him. But all he could do was his best, and he was glad that was, at the moment, enough. He was _also_ glad she seemed to be dropping her questions about Noir. It was making him feel weird, like there was a wad of cotton rolling around in his head. 

“So to your original question, I started messing around with photography about...ten years ago? I think? I’m bad with numbers and time.”

As Dani and Peter boarded the bus and continued to discuss photography, Mandy, who had been camped out on a bench nearby, dialed her phone and raised it to her ear. 

“Boss?”

“Yeah?”

“Ham’s on the bus, he should be out of our hair for a while.”

“Good, good. Any word on our semi-aquatic friend?”

Mandy smiled. “He seems to still be...motivated. He’s got a real grudge against Ham, which is helpful for our purposes.”

“That was an inspired move on your part, sending him that anonymous tip.” Mandy thought about the note she’d mailed to Greg, with its cryptic ‘You’re right about Porker. Keep an eye on him.’ His constant vigilance had helped keep Ham on edge just enough to throw him off his rhythm, and that made it easier to test his abilities and limits. 

“Thank you, sir. I’ll meet you at the Doctor’s lab?”

“Yes. Thank you Mandy.”

She hung up and leaned back, a grin on her face. Things were going well this mission. That pesky spider always got in the way, and with him gone, no one would stand in the way of her plans. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Group 1 stood by a featureless wall as the ropes course worker explained their objective of getting everyone in the group over it. Greg leaned over to Peter and muttered, “Hey, why don’t you just climb up that and show everyone what you are.”

“You don’t know how much I wish I could, Greg. It would make this go a lot faster.” Before Greg could retort, the worker clapped their hands together and told them to get started. The five coworkers slowly walked up to the wall. 

“Well,” Peter started, pointing at the top of the wall, “If someone just fucking throws me up there, I could help hoist you all up, with the people on the ground lifting.”

Paula hesitated before carefully saying, “No offense, Peter, but are you sure you could hoist someone by yourself?”

 _Absolutely positive._ “I mean, I’m not going to insist I go up first, but I would be more guiding.”

“Peter, we’re not just going to chuck you over a wall.”

“Aw, Dani, you’re no fun.”

“Yeah, Dani, I would _love_ to throw Porker over.” 

Sam groaned and said, “Greg, will you cool it with Peter for literally two seconds-”

The ropes course employee stuck their head in the group and smiled. “I couldn’t help but notice you all seem to be bickering. Would you all like some help?”

“Can it, dweeb,” Greg snarled. 

Dani rolled her eyes and turned to the employee. “Sorry about him. I think we’re good, we just have to figure out how to execute our plan.”

As the employee walked away, Peter looked at the group. “I’m just saying, I make a very good shot put.”

“Alright, alright,” Dani interjected, shooting a look at Peter. “We’ll boost me up first, then Peter, then we can both hoist people up. Ok?” Greg looked like he was about to object, but decided not to when the other four glared at him. “Ok.”

They quickly started boosting Dani up, who was able to easily grab the edge of the wall and pull herself up, tumbling over to the other side. She popped back and looked over at them before reaching down to grab Peter. He turned to the others and said, “Ok, Dani’s not here, just throw me-”

“ _No._ ” Peter sighed and let himself be hoisted up, grabbing Dani’s outstretched hand and bracing himself against the wall to scramble up the rest of the way. Once he was over, Dani looked at him and shook her head. “Why do you want to get thrown so bad?”

“I was never tossed onto a bed as a child, and I want to recreate my missed formative experience.” Peter smiled as Dani burst into laughter. “But alas, that will have to wait. Let’s get the rest of our friends up here. And I guess Greg too.” Working together, they helped pull up the other three animals. Their ropes course guide cheered and watched as they descended the ladder and queued up to head to the next challenge. 

As they walked through the woods, the topic of books came up, and the whole group started discussing favorite authors. “See, I really like Harry Otter, right? But JK Owling has just gone way too far with some of the extra stuff, you know?”

“I feel that. I’m on a Terry Ratchett kick right now.” 

Peter looked up in excitement. “I love him!” At Dani’s quizzical look, he added, “he’s the Discworld author. I lent you one of his books a week ago.” 

Dani nodded in recognition as Paula said, “I’m making my way through George RR Marten’s stuff.”

A chorus of oohs and other exclamations was interrupted by Greg looking up and saying, “He wrote Game of Thrones, right? I’m watching that right now.” 

“Oh nice! The show is really good too!” Greg looked at Peter, clearly confused why he was being nice to him. “If you want to borrow the books, let me know.”

“…Thanks. I might take you up on that.”

As the three other in the group kept talking, Dani leaned over to Peter and whispered, “That was surprisingly polite of you.”

“I don’t _want_ this feud. Maybe small gestures of kindness in neutral moments can turn the tide.” 

“I don’t share your optimism.” Peter wasn’t sure he did either, but he didn’t like being rude to anyone without reason. And who knows, maybe this really would help ease the tensions…

“Hey Porker, I don’t think we can throw you across this one. Shame.” Maybe not. 

They had reached the next station, a series of balance beams at various heights and angles. Their guide pulled out some lengths of rope and explained they were going to have to cross them tied to each other. 

They lined the group up and started tying each member to the one behind them. Peter ended up behind Paula and Sam, with Dani behind him and Greg bringing up the rear. The group stepped up onto the first beam and started inching their way across. At turns, they had to coordinate how to contort themselves as each person went across in order not to get tangled. 

At one point, Greg stumbled a little, making the whole line wobble. “Careful, Greg,” Paula murmured. 

“I’m fine.” Greg was clearly not enjoying this task, and Peter felt a little bad. 

As they kept going, Paula and Sam continued talking about books, their conversation turning to mysteries. 

“I’ll bring you the book tomorrow, it’s a really good Noir-detective story, and…” The mention of Noir made Peter’s thoughts drift to his friend once again. The forest reminded him of the hikes they took, and all the things they talked about, and how nice Noir’s hair looked when the wind blew through it-

Suddenly, he ran into Sam, who had stopped to examine a tricky crossover. Sam threw the hand that was tied to Peter up to regain their balance, and Peter desperately tried to find his own. His foot slipped off the beam and before he could correct, he went tumbling off, pulling the other four with him. 

Peter picked himself out of the dirt, feeling a slight bruise on his knee. It was hidden under his pants, so it would heal undetected, but his healing factor wouldn’t do much for his wounded pride. Dani raised her eyebrows at him, Greg glaring behind her. 

“Sorry, zoned out.” As their guide ushered them back to the beginning, Peter couldn’t help but wonder why he had zoned out so far at the thought of his friend. But he pushed it back, figuring it wasn’t important. Besides, he didn’t want to be the cause of another catastrophe today. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The group had just finished a challenge which consisted of a series of ropes tied between two trees to make a complex web of holes. Their guide had explained that they should imagine it was a dangerous spider’s web, and they had to get through without touching the ‘sticky’ threads. They could also only use a hole once, because it would then ‘close up so only hands can get through’. 

Peter looked back at the web and thought _That’s not how anything works…_ Peter looked back to see the guide shoot him an annoyed look, and realized he must have said his thought out loud. 

“What are you Porker, a spider expert?” Peter slowly turned to stare at Greg’s gloating face, and wished for a moment he could just tell him why that statement was so funny. 

“I, uh, I know some things, yeah.”

“Nerd.” Peter rolled his eyes and kept walking towards the next clearing. 

“Alright, everyone!” called their guide. “It’s time for trust falls!” Everyone tried not to groan. “C’mon, these are the backbone of team building.”

“And I hate team building, so I’m not sure what your point is.” Dani nudged Peter even though he hadn’t been loud enough to be heard. “Sorry.” The guide split them up, and Peter was relieved when Greg went with Paula and Sam. He knew they were going to rotate, but he wasn’t in the mood to trust Greg at the moment. 

Peter fell first, facing away from Dani and letting their guide lead them through the ‘team building script’. The person catching had to ask the person falling if they trusted the catcher, and the faller had to respond honestly. If there was doubt, they had to talk it out. 

As they got ready, Dani said, “I’m trying to figure out how to account for your height.”

“I’m like, three inches shorter than you!” Dani laughed as Peter continued, “This is supposed to be about building trust! God!”

“Ok, go ahead and begin!” 

Dani, from behind Peter, recited, “Peter, do you trust me?”

“Yeah, I do.” He fell back, and Dani caught him almost immediately. “Thanks, Dani.” They switched places, Dani crossing her arms over her chest and staring straight ahead. Peter tried not to roll his eyes as he said, “Dani, do you trust me?”

“Of course.” Her serious tone surprised him, and while he caught her, it was mostly his reflexes doing the work while his brain filled with guilt. Dani was his best friend and like a sister to him, but there was so much he couldn’t tell her...or wouldn’t. It was that one letter difference that latched onto his mind as he helped her back up, and their guide called for them to switch partners. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You did _what_?” Doc Ock sat flabbergasted, staring across the table at Barty. He had just shared his Greg plan, and the Doctor was not pleased. “Why would you do something so stupid? We are leaving Spider-Ham out of this!”

“We’re trying to make sure he doesn’t pick up on what we were doing! You don’t want him swinging in here stopping your precious science, do you?”

“Oh, and it’s just a coincidence that this means you get to aggravate your nemesis, who I’ve had to hold you back from for months?”

“I don’t...It was Mandy’s idea!” Mandy, who had been typing into her phone, looked up and glared at Barty. 

“Oh, that’s fucking rich. Yeah, sure it was my idea, but I had it because you told us to-”

“To figure out ways to throw him off our path, right.” Barty glared back at Mandy, trying to keep her from revealing his behind-the-scenes meddling. Before he could continue, Doc Ock interrupted. 

“So was he on your path?”

“What?”

“Was Spider-Ham on your path in the _research_ you were doing for me?”

Barty paused for a second, trying to formulate an answer. “Well, not that we know of directly, but he’s not an idiot! It was preventative action!” 

The Doctor sighed and put his head in his hands for moment, then looked back up at Barty. “When we made this arrangement, we agreed you would put aside your grudge against him, and work for the common advancement!”

“Well, that’s easy for you to say! You don’t have to deal with him after this.”

“The only reason you have to ‘deal with him’ is because you perform illicit activities, and that doesn’t sound like my problem.”

Mandy finally put her phone away and stood up, putting a hand on her boss’s shoulder. “I think we get it, Doc. We’ll finish up your stuff, we’ll go our separate ways, and you won’t have to be concerned with our dealings.” At the final word, she squeezed Barty’s shoulder. He grunted and stood up as well. 

“Afternoon, Ock.” Doc Ock nodded as the two left, waiting until they left before pressing a button on his chair. 

“Lisa? Would you mind upgrading the surveillance on our associates? We can’t have them getting themselves in danger, now can we?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barty and Mandy walked out of the laboratory into the afternoon sun. Mandy, without looking up from her phone, asked, “Hey, can you do me a favor?”

“What, Mandy?”

“Could you help get me out from under this bus? You threw me here, it’s the least you could do.”

“I’m sorry, Mandy. I got annoyed.”

“Oh, don’t worry, it happens. I get it.” They walked in uncomfortable silence for a few moments. “So, are we moving on to phase two?”

Barty gave an incredulous look. “You heard Doc. We’ve gotta put this on hold.”

 _This is why I’m taking over._ “Do we? He didn’t catch on before until we literally told him. I say we keep going with our plan, utilize these resources as long as we got em. And if he finds out? So we get fired. We have what we need, and there’s nothing he could do to stop it.”

Barty looked at her thoughtfully. “That’s a good point.” He pulled out his phone and typed a message, pressing send with a decisive gesture. “What would I do without you, Mandy?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, Peter and Noir were hanging out and playing chess in Peter’s house. Noir seemed a little out of it, so Peter was trying to get his mind off whatever was bothering him. 

“Your move, mate.” Noir looked down at the pieces and contemplated them for a while. “How’re things at work? Did you finish what you needed to get done?”

“Is it ever really done, Ham?” Peter sat back and thought about that. Noir got deep sometimes, especially when he wasn’t feeling great. He could turn a phrase in any situation, perfectly describing the feelings involved. Peter wanted to make a book of his poetic utterances, so he could peruse it. “But yes,” continued Noir, startling Peter out of his reverie. “I tied up that assignment. Thank you for asking.” He moved a piece and sat back, indicating the board. 

Peter looked down and saw that Noir had left a pawn open. As he tried to decide whether or not to take it, he noticed his phone sitting on the table beside the board and remembered the dandelion picture. He quickly captured the pawn and grabbed the phone. “Before you go, I thought you’d enjoy this photo I took yesterday. I know you like dandelions.” As he said that, he felt his gut jerk a little like it had been startled. He ignored his confusion at this and pulled up the picture, showing it to Noir. His friend took his phone and gazed down at the picture. Peter was surprised to see a tear fall from Noir’s eye onto his hand. 

“Hey, Noir, you ok?” Noir looked up and quickly wiped his eyes, giving Peter the phone back. 

“Yes. It’s just y-stuff like that, it’s so beautiful. And we don’t get stuff like that in my dimension. Everything’s dead and colorless, and I wish I could make things like this, but I can’t. Not that anyone else can see, anyways.” Noir was trying to stay calm, but Peter could hear a deep current of despair in his voice. Peter’s heart clenched at that, hating to see him sad. He reached out and took his hand, trying to figure out what to say. 

“There’s beauty in everything, Noir. It doesn’t just come from nature, or color, you know?” Noir, who was staring at their hands, nodded slightly. “And I know things are tough for you over there, ok? But make sure you remember that the grass is always greener-” Peter stopped for a second, realizing that phrase would mean nothing to Noir. “That things always seem better when they aren’t yours. You know? And hey, your world has some cool things. The music scene is really fun, and I wish we had soda shops over here. And I mean, it has you in it, which automatically makes it amazing, in my opinion.” His stomach lurched again, but his thoughts of why were interrupted again by Noir.

“Thank you, Ham. I think I just forget, sometimes. And even though I can’t have it all the time, I wouldn’t trade the time I get with you for the world.” Peter smiled and squeezed his hand before letting go. They looked at each other for a bit, soaking in the other’s presence. Suddenly, the moment was broken when Noir started to cough. 

“You ok?” Noir nodded, but continued to struggle to regain his breath. “I’ll get you some water.” Peter thought he saw a flash of guilt come over Noir’s face, but it vanished so quickly, he figured it must have been his imagination. He went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass and filled it with water. 

Once he brought it back and Noir had stopped coughing, they kept playing as Noir’s words played in Peter’s mind. He wanted to somehow make him feel better, but how…

As Noir captured one of his knights, Peter saw a photography magazine laying open on his coffee table to an article about…

Peter smiled as he looked back at the board. He knew what to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter had gone to the store the next day and gotten what he needed to take black and white pictures, and was now wandering the city, looking for good pictures to take. He was trying to find ways to utilize light effectively in the monochromatic style, and it was an exciting challenge. As he took a picture of some scaffolding with a shiny building in the background, he thought about how Noir had cheered up the night before when they had pulled out Peter’s old Sorry game. He was such a bright person, Noir, and Peter couldn’t help imagining him in each picture he took. There he was, perched on a streetlamp. Then he was throwing a coin into the fountain downtown, and then he was running up a crowded street, looking back at Peter with that smile of his that was better than any color-

Peter stopped, slowly lowering the camera. He was noticing a weird, light headed feeling as he thought about all of this, and he looked down at the screen of his camera, looking at how the black and white image made him think about his friend, and how happy that made him, and-

He shook his head as he tried not to think about the thing that seemed to be bouncing around his brain, seemingly attempting to break free of a prison he hadn’t realized he’d built. His footsteps quickened as whatever the realization was chipped away at the justifications and explanations he’d set up to avoid thinking about it. He haphazardly took a picture of the skyline in front of him, and as he pressed the button, the thought escaped, stopping him dead in his tracks. 

“Hey, buddy, move it.” Peter dazedly moved with the crowd, letting it carry him down the street. He didn’t care where he went, because he only had room in his head for what he’d just realized: 

He was in love with Noir. And he had no idea what to do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love my dumb gay sons. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	11. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ham makes a connection. The Fam play a video game in real life. Barty has an idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! Thanks for reading!

Peni threw a portal onto the floor of the empty gym of Visions Academy and smiled at the assembled Spider-Fam. “Alright, who wants to go first?” They had all come here after a discussion about a video game from B’s universe made them curious about the limits of their portals. Miles knew he could sneak into his gym, and had let the others in once he had done so. 

“I will! I’ve never dunked a basketball before!” Ham ran over and grabbed a ball from a rack they had liberated from the closet when they arrived. Another portal opened in the floor to the right of the one Peni put down, and B’s head poked out. They had shot and positioned them so that one led into his ceiling, then dropped them into one on the floor, which matched with the other gym portal. 

“Alright, it’s set. Ham, you ready?” Ham gave a big thumbs up and helped B out of the portal before positioning himself in front of it. The Fam counted him off, and he jumped feet first into the hole. 

A moment later, he came shooting up out of the other portal feet first, yelling. He threw the ball at the backboard as he tried to right himself, and it ineffectively bounced off while he tumbled back towards the portal. He went in sideways, and came out the the other side spinning wildly. “CATCH ME PLEASE!”

Peter, without hesitating, shot a web at Ham, pulling him out of the air. His friend laid in his arms, clearly attempting to regain his sense of direction. “You need a second?” Peter asked, mildly successful in his attempt to remain casual. 

“Yeah, if you don’t mind…I don’t think the spider sense was meant for this.” Peter adjusted Ham slightly to make him more comfortable, and thought back to what he’d figured out before about his friend. The weeks after had only served to confirm it, and he had lost sleep trying to figure out what to do. 

Eventually, he had decided to keep it to himself. There was no way someone as amazing as Ham would feel the same, and he didn’t want to ruin their friendship. It was too important to him. This, of course, didn’t stop him from feeling awkward and a consistent slight breathlessness, but Ham didn’t seem to pick up on it. Thank god. 

At that point, Gwen had grabbed an orange ball and was preparing to dive into the portal. Peter realized that Ham hasn’t spoken again, and looked down to ask him if he was ready to stand again. His words caught in his throat as he saw that he had closed his eyes, and had a slight smile on his face. Peter got distracted, staring down at him, wanting to stay like this forever…

He shook himself out of his thoughts and quietly asked, “Hey, how are you feeling?” Ham opened his eyes and looked up at him, the smile not leaving his face. 

“I’m doing great-oh shit, I’m sorry, I made you hold me this long, sorry.” Peter leaned down to gently deposit Ham on the ground. 

“No worries, it was really-um. Fine. It was fine, don’t worry about it.” Peter cursed himself internally, but once again, Ham didn’t seem to notice, so he tried not to worry too much. 

They both watched as Gwen neatly dived through the portal, gracefully rose out of the portal by the hoop, and slammed the ball into the net. She grabbed the rim and used it to push herself to the side so she didn’t fall into the same loop Ham had just escaped. The Fam applauded as Gwen took a deep bow. The ball, which has fallen into the portal below, shot out of the other one only to be caught by Miles, who looked excited to try this new trick. 

They all took turns, some more successfully than others. B dunked the ball perfectly, but in trying to push himself away from one portal pushed himself into another, and he ended up flipping a few times as he sailed through before he could grab onto something. Ham’s second attempt went much better than his first; he even sailed high enough to land on the basket before jumping down. After everyone went, Miles’ eyes went wide. 

“Hey, guys...if we linked _more_ portals together, we could go even higher!” B high fived Miles and hopped into the portal to grab a notebook to map out how to do it. The Fam gathered around as B sketched the portals and drew arrows to each set. Peter felt a tug on his sleeve, and he turned to see Ham, who was struggling to see over everyone’s shoulders. 

“Hey, can I sit on your shoulder? You damn humans are too tall.”

“Yeah, go for it.” Peter leaned over so Ham could clamber up, and hoped he couldn’t feel his tension. The group started shouting about how to line up the most portals in a row, their excitement mounting as the number grew. Finally, B sat up and said, “Alright, alright, assuming we stick to one portal a piece to make them easier to position, we’re going to go here to me, then Peni, then Ham, then Noir, then Gwen, then back here. Cool?” Everyone nodded, then opened portals back to their dimension. “See you in a bit, Miles!” 

Peter stepped through his portal and closed it, waiting for Ham to show up. He was further down the list, so he went into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. As he came back, his Sense pinged on something near his window. He looked up and walked over, squinting to see past the glass reflecting his lamp. He couldn’t make out any movement, and after a few moments of staring intensely, he decided it must have been a bird. He sat down on the couch and sipped his water, letting the excitement of the night keep him alert. Soon enough, a portal started coalescing in front of him. But it didn’t immediately transition into the usual sparkling circle. Sparks flew off the twisting black shapes, and Peter sat up, slightly concerned. Before he could worry too much, however, the portal snapped open, revealing B, Ham, and Peni waving at him. 

As they climbed through, Peter asked, “Hey, did that act weird on your end too? It seemed to take longer, and looked a little weird…”

“Yeah, there were a few sparks, it looked like? Might just be all these portals so close to each other.” Peter nodded, reassured, then grabbed his pendant and started moving the portal to his ceiling. Ham saw his current project sitting on his coffee table and walked over, picking it up to examine. 

“Noir, this looks really cool! What’s it gonna be?” Peni and B went over and felt the woven yarn as well, oohing at the red and blue pattern that was taking shape.

“It’s a blanket for all of us. I wanted to contribute something to our gatherings.” Ham smiled up at him and placed the blanket down. 

“Are you enjoying knitting?”

“Yes! Thank you for your friend’s patterns, I’m excited to try them.” Peter hesitated before adding, “You’re thing is next, I promise.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Noir. We’ve got time.” They looked at each other for a moment before glancing away, and Peter noticed B hastily pretend he hadn’t been watching them. _Oh god, did he know?_

Before Peter could panic further, Peni said, “Alright, let’s get the portal to Gwen up.” He nodded at her and pointed at the ground, pressing the white and pink spider face on his pendant. As the portal formed, a few of the same sparks appeared, but vanished quicker than before. Gwen stood up from her couch, where she had been eating chips and hurried over. 

“Did you all get some weird sparks on your end?”

“Yeah, got them on Noir’s too.”

“We think it’s just having them all so close.” Gwen nodded and let them step out before moving the portal to the ceiling. 

“Alright, let’s get to Miles.” She quickly put a portal down on the floor, which formed without a hitch. Miles peered through and waved at everyone. 

Once they reassembled in the gym, the Fam looked excitedly at the two flowing portals in the floor. “Ok, so we want to dive in head first again unless you want to pull a Ham-”

“Hey!”

“-which is your prerogative, I guess. Who wants to go first?” Miles raised his hand like he was answering a question in class, and everyone laughed. 

“I think that’s fair. We are using his gym.” Miles ran over and grabbed a basketball, then stood by the first portal. 

“Count me out, guys!” The Fam obliged, and Miles jumped, diving forward. He disappeared from view, and they waited a few seconds before-

“AAAAAAAAAAAAA” They heard Miles before they saw him, even though he was trying to muffle his yells. He came rocketing out of the second portal, clearly putting on more speed than he had expected. He flew past the basket and, with his arms waving, ended up wedged into one of the criss-crossing struts on the gym ceiling. 

“You ok, bud?” called B. 

“...Yeah. I think I’m stuck though.” Everyone, including Miles, started laughing, and it was a while before they stopped. 

“Ok,” said Gwen, “We’ll come get-” 

“I’ve got it!” Before anyone could stop him, B jumped into the first portal. The remaining four stared at him as he disappeared. 

Peter looked up awkwardly. “Should we, uh, try and catch him when he comes up?”

“No.” Both Ham and Gwen looked up, grinning. Gwen continued, “He’s the one who decided that would be best course of action for a group of _spider people_.” As she finished, B came out of the second portal, also yelling. He landed near Miles, seemingly also in a strut.

“How’re you doing, Brains?”

After a long pause, B called back, “I believe I’m stuck too.”

“I can’t believe you.” The far away form of B shrugged, and Gwen turned to everyone, exasperated. “Let’s go get them down.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Could you just take me through that logic one last time? After you watched Miles get stuck in the damn ceiling, your _first_ thought was ‘I’ll do the exact same thing to rescue him’.”

“Look, I thought I could do something cool up there and be able to get him down. Besides, I wanted to try our Portal Jump of Doom!”

“Why are you like this?”

Miles yawned before interrupting, “Ok, as much as I like ragging on Best Ideas here-”

“Hey-HEY.”

“-I’ve gotta go to bed. I’ve got a test in the morning, and being stuck in the ceiling really makes you reexamine your priorities.”

“You have a lot of tests, Miles.”

“ _Tell me about it_.” Everyone started saying goodbye and fixing up the line of portals. Someone mentioned Peter’s blanket, and they excitedly talked about that for a bit. As they chatted, B sidled over to Peter and tapped him on the shoulder.

“Hey,” he murmured, “Can we talk before you leave?”

“Certainly. Is something wrong?”

“Not wrong, per say, I just wanted to-” B stopped talking as Ham walked up to the pair. He gave Peter a fist bump and a mock salute to B. 

“See ya later, fellow Peters!” He turned on his heel and, upon seeing the three kids taking a selfie, ran over to photobomb. Peter turned back to B and raised his eyebrows. It was a little strange, still, looking into his own face. He didn’t think he’d ever really get used to it, like so many other things. But this was, at least, not horrifying, as many of those things were…

“Sorry, Noir, I don’t want to pry, but I just wanted to ask...is there like. A thing between you and Ha-”

“NO.” It was B’s turn to raise an eyebrow at Peter, and Peter felt his cheeks warm up. “I mean, um, no. Nothing like that.” They both turned a little to watch Ham hop through a portal. 

“So you like him, but haven’t told him.” Peter wheeled back around and opened his mouth to lie, but the combination of B’s face and his matter-of-fact tone made him realize it wouldn’t work. “Look, I’m not judging. This isn’t like a ‘you can’t date him thing’, I’m not HR. I just wanted to talk to you about it, make sure you were doing ok.”

Peter awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. “I, uh...yes, I do believe I have feelings for him...is it obvious?”

“I wouldn’t say obvious, no. I’m just good at noticing these things, especially when it’s me. Or, uh, another version of me.”

“Heh, yeah.” Peter could see B thinking. “This is all weird as shit, isn’t it?”

“Look, everything about all of this is weird. We’re dimension hopping spider-people, for goodness sakes. A greyscale detective and a talking pig getting together doesn’t even scratch the top ten, you know?” They both laughed at that, and it was weirdly comforting how similar their laughs were. “Anyway. Um. Again, let me know if I’m going too far.”

“Don’t worry, Peter. You’re my family.” B stopped for a second and looked at Peter, his eyes shining strangely for a second.

“Thanks, man. I...thanks.”

“What was your question?”

“Right. Um. Are you _going_ to tell him?” Peter looked at him, his mind rewinding through the nights of thought on that question. 

“I do not plan to, no,” Peter said carefully. “I didn’t think it would be wise, especially because it isn’t reciprocated-” B looked up, confused.

“I mean, I don’t know one way or another, but what makes you so sure?”

“I mean, there’s just no way, you know? He’s just so...I don’t know. He’s just so much…” B watched him struggle, and put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Look, I respect your decision either way, ok? As long as you’re ok with it, I’m ok. Just...don’t use comparisons like that when thinking about these things. You’re a really good guy. And you deserve love, in all its forms, ok?” Peter looked at B and could see from his eyes that not only did he mean what he said, but that it was something he himself felt too. 

“Thank you. You’re a wonderful friend, B.” B smiled and patted Peter’s shoulder once more. 

“It’s nice to talk to myself and get a response.” Peter laughed as B waved and punched in his dimension on his pendant-watch. They watched as the portal started forming, a few sparks flying off of it. “That’s still weird.”

“Probably just leftover from the Doom Drop.” Peter watched as B laughed and stepped through, closing the portal behind him. He thought about what he had said, about the whole thing with Ham. He toyed with the idea of telling him how he felt, but set it aside once again. 

His friendship with Ham was enough, more than enough. The possibility of a different kind of relationship wasn’t enticing enough to ruin that. Peter nodded to himself and opened a portal, hoping to get some actual sleep that night. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, as Peter walked to work, he was distracted. He’d had a very weird set of dreams, involving the Fam and a sentient wardrobe. He couldn’t shake it, for whatever reason, so he spent his walk filling in the plot holes his mind had left. 

Out of the corner of his eye, a flash of color disappeared into- _wait, what_? He turned quickly, and saw a hooded figure walking quickly down the alley. Peter casually turned down the alley too, and followed them from a distance. After a moment, the figure turned into a doorway, and the shadows under their hood made it impossible for Peter to see their face. He stood and watched as the door closed, and tried to figure out what he’d seen. 

Deciding it must have been an aftereffect of his colorful, strange dream that was consuming his thoughts, he turned back to work.

He walked into work and glances over at Ben’s desk, empty. He was late again, and Peter was getting worried. Ben, when he managed to make it in, wasn’t looking good. He had ever growing bags under his eyes, and when Peter asked, he just muttered something about trouble sleeping. 

A few minutes later, he saw Ben stumble in, drop his bag down, and slowly lay his head on his desk. Before his face disappeared into his arms, Peter could see that he had a black eye. He picked up his chair and moved it to Ben’s desk, and tapped his friend on the shoulder. Ben sat up, slightly wild eyed, and tried to focus on Peter. “What d’y want?”

“I’m just checking on you. You’ve been exhausted, and now you have that.” He indicated Ben’s eye, and Ben reached up and lightly poked it, as if he’d forgotten he’d had it. “I’m just worried about your...project. I don’t want you killing yourself over this.”

Ben laughed, but there was no real mirth behind it. “I appreciate your concern, Peter, but I’m fine. I just haven’t been sleeping as well, it’s part of the job.”

Peter decided not to try and unpack that one, so instead said, “Oh, and I suppose your eye is just from your nightstand or whatever.” Ben looked at him, annoyed.

“I didn’t realize this was a damn interrogation, Peter.” He felt a little guilty as Ben continued, “And the eye was from the assignment, but I’m doing some dangerous stuff. It’s fine.” Ben pulled open a drawer and grabbed some papers, indicating the conversation was over. Peter slowly stood up and dragged his chair back over to his own desk. He made a mental note to try and figure out how to make some of Ham’s sleep tea with ingredients from his own dimension. He didn’t think Ben would let a colorful box go as easily as most…

“Hey, Parker, you hear about the stuff on 54th last night?” Peter looked up to see Brain standing in front of his desk. “There was some weird noises coming from a building near H Street. But when the cops showed up, there was nothing there. They have no idea what it was.”

“Weird.” Brian nodded. Before he could keep talking, though, someone called his name, and he half waved to Peter as he trotted off. Peter sat back in his chair and thought about the previous night. He had been in Miles’ dimension most of the night, and had gone to bed when the city had seemed quiet. This disturbance was another in a line of unexplained happenings, only some of which he’d been able to see for himself. Anytime he showed up, it seemed to be some half-baked plot to do something almost predictably sinister. He made another mental note to talk to someone else in the Fam about it, just to make sure it wasn’t a pattern. Though, now that he was thinking about it, it felt similar to that one fight with Ham a few months back…

He shook himself out of his thoughts; he was seeing Ham in a few days, he’d ask then. For now, he had work to do here. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Barty slowly clicked his pen as Doc Ock went on about some developments in his portal technology. He was recording it, so he wasn’t too concerned about missing anything. He thought about the last conversation he’s had with his black and white counterpart, about how their plans over there were coming together. He smiled a little, and-

“Barty.” He looked up to see the Doctor looking at him in annoyance. “Are you even listening?”

“Yeah, yeah, portal talk.”

“I was talking about safety, and how I need you to get a few more scans to make sure we don’t blow up the universe.” The Doctor sighed and put down his notebook. “Look, if I don’t think I’m getting my side of the deal in this relationship, I will break it off. You understand that, right?”

“Yeah, I get it. I’ll get you your fucking scans.” Doc Ock threw his hands up and rolled over to his desk, seemingly to get a folder. Barty looked over and saw that he had left a folder on Spider-Ham’s alter-ego on the table, and it was open to his friend, Dani. Barty was struck again about how familiar she looked, but he still didn’t know why.

“Hey, Doc?” The Doctor looked up and gestured for him to continue. “Who’s this Dani character? She seems familiar, but I can’t place it.”

“She’s no one.” Barty looked at Doc Ock with surprise, confused at the undercurrent of emotion in the statement. “Her parents died, she was bounced through the foster system, and Peter took her under his wing.” The Doctor was not looking at Barty, but he could see a small bit of tension in his lab-coat covered shoulders. 

“Alright, I guess it’s just me.”

“Yes, it is. Here’s the file on the scans I need. I will see you next week.” Barty nodded at the Doctor and walked out, the gears in his brain spinning. He pulled out a phone and called Mandy. 

“Hey, could you look into someone who used to be in the foster system?”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter was knitting on his couch with Ham next to him, messing around with the Rubik’s cube. They had been talking about a book Peter had been reading for a while, but had fallen into a comfortable silence, which was only broken by Ham’s quiet cursing. Peter suddenly remembered his question about the weird fights, and turned a little to address Ham. 

“Hey, remember when that weird shit went down in your dimension a few months ago, and the two perps disappeared?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I’ve been getting some odd calls here over the past few months, and it reminded me of that. You get anything since then?”

Ham leaned back and thought for a second, his hands still fidgeting with the cube. “Come to think of it, yeah. Just, weird fights, and the people you find just seem off…” Ham’s hands started going faster, and Peter pointedly ignored how serious he looked as he thought. “I don’t know why, but there’s something about it I can’t put my finger on.”

“Well, I’ll keep thinking on it. It’s strange it’s happening to both of us.” Ham nodded thoughtfully and let his hands slow down. He glanced down and stopped moving for a second. “What’s up?”

“One second…” Ham performed a few more deliberate turns, then held up a completed cube. “I did it! Hell yeah!” Peter high fived Ham, carefully holding the stitches he was working on steady. 

“Hell yeah indeed. We’re both puzzle solving geniuses!” Ham smiled up at him for a moment, and Peter felt a warm feeling in his stomach. 

Suddenly, Ham snapped his fingers. “Speaking of you, I have something to show you, hang on.” He quickly stood up and opened a portal, hopping through to what appeared to be his home office. “They’re pictures I took, do you mind?”

“Not at all. I love looking at your pictures.” Ham, who had been flipping through a drawer, seemed to stumble over the folders a little. 

“Uh, thanks, buddy.” Ham seemed to find what he was looking for, grabbed it, and turned back to return to Peter’s living room. Peter noticed that Ham’s face looked a different color, redder than normal. His eyebrows knit in concern; he remembered when B got sick a few months back, his face had been very red as well.

“Are you alright?”

“What? I mean, I’m fine. Why?”

“Your face seems to be more red. I thought that meant you were sick.” Ham absentmindedly raised a hand to his own cheek and looked confused. 

“Oh yeah, um…” Ham looked at Peter for a long second before carefully saying, “I suppose you don’t know about blushing in color, do you?”

“Blushing?” Ham’s eyes widened, and he started looking around the room as if the answer would be written on the walls.

“Shit, that’s color too, I guess...Um...so you know when your face, kind of heats up, when you’re nervous, or happy, or...whatever?” Ham looked at Peter long enough to see him nod, then rushed on. “So, that’s blood flowing to your cheeks for...whatever reason, I don’t know, I’m not a scientist, and when there’s color, it makes the cheeks more red, because the blood is red, and...yeah.”

Peter nodded. “I see. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize…” Both of them stared at each other, clearly not sure what to do. Peter finally broke the silence and quickly said, “You said you had pictures?”

“PICTURES, right.” Ham quickly went and sat down on the couch, and opened the folder to pull out the photos. As Peter walked over, Ham handed him the first one. Peter took it, and let out a small gasp as he looked at it. 

He was holding a picture of a large, ornate fountain which was reflecting a beam of light at the camera. It was a lovely picture, but the reason Peter gasped was the fact that it was in black and white. He quickly went and sat next to Ham, who had laid out the rest on the coffee table. They were all pictures of Ham’s city, all in black and white, all absolutely gorgeous. It was clear he had looked for places with striking light to help use the contrast inherent in the color scheme. 

As Peter picked up each photo and examined it, Ham started chattering nervously, “I, uh, was thinking about what you said a bit ago about missing colors, and I wanted to make something to try and make you feel better? I think they came out ok, and-”

“They’re wonderful, Ham.”

“-they reminded me of you.” Ham suddenly seemed to register what Peter had said and looked up, a relieved smile on his face. “Thanks, Noir. I’m glad you like them.” Peter quietly put the last photo down and hugged Ham. 

“That was really nice of you, to do this for me.”

“Of course. I don’t like seeing you sad, you know?” As Peter sat there, he had two thoughts: He was so lucky to have Ham, and there was no way he would risk this by telling him how he felt. That paled in comparison to this. 

Suddenly, Peter felt his Sense ping on his window like it had a few nights before. Ham sat up too and looked over, seemingly feeling the same thing. They watched as a blurry shape fell past the window, which made them get up and hurry to the window. They looked down, but didn’t see anything. Before they could question that, however, a bright flash of light accompanied by a loud pulse from the Sense made them look up. Across town, they saw a veritable light show in the air above a tall building. 

“Speaking of weird things happening…” 

“Yeah, I’m going to go grab my suit. Want to come?”

“Sure…” Ham seemed to be lost in thought as he pulled out his pendant. “I…” He shook his head and hopped through his portal. “I’ll see you in a sec.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Ham and Noir swung onto a building across from the one leaking light, and watched it for a moment. “See, the weird thing connecting all of these things is the fact that they are almost _too much_ our kind of thing, you know?”

“Do you think it’s trying to get our attention?” Noir and Ham found an open window across from their perch and started swinging towards it and Noir continued, “And if it is, who’s behind it? And why?”

“That’s the part I don’t know yet.” They quickly climbed in the window and looked around. They were in a large workshop, which felt echoey and was strangely devoid of people. The two spiders climbed down to the floor and started looking around the perimeter. Without warning, two masked people jumped out of a hidden doorway and started fighting. Each spider took one, and quickly dispatched them. Almost immediately, a machine across the room started up, along with a loud scream. Noir and Ham rushed over and saw that a young man had been tied to the newly started machine, and was being pulled towards some kind of jaws. Noir ran to him and started looking at the rope: it was thin and rough, and tied with so many knots it looked like it had come out of a tornado. He grabbed a section and pulled it apart, managing to break it. Ham, noticing this, came away from where he had been trying to turn the machine off and helped Noir rip the rope apart section by section. Soon, the man was free, and they pulled him to the floor. He crumpled, clearly too scared to move. Noir picked him up and slung him over his shoulder. 

“Hey, do you know what’s going on?” Before the man could answer Ham, there was a small clink from above them. Their Sense pulsed as they looked up to see a large beam fall towards them. Ham yelled, “I got it, go!” and webbed the beam, grunting a bit as he threw it away from them. A rumbling from the other side of the room alerted them to a large, rolling machine coming at them at full speed. “We’ve gotta get him out of here, c’mon!” Noir followed Ham on a perpendicular path from the machine, changing direction as it slowly turned to keep them in front of it. 

“What the hell is going on?”

“I don’t know, but it- oh _fuck_.” Ham stopped and gestured for Noir to keep going. “Get him out, I have to go do something.” Noir looked at him like he had suggested they stop and have a picnic. “I think I figured something out. Trust me.” At those words, Noir nodded and kept running. As he finally reached a door, he glanced back to see Ham flipping up on top of the machine. Trying to keep his worry at bay, he pushed through the door. 

In the hallway, he found a stairway and put down the man. “Alright, you need to head out, ok? Before you go, though, do you have any idea what’s happening here?”

The man looked at him with fear. “I, I don’t know, sir. Someone just walked in and started threatening people. A bunch of big dudes followed him and kept us all in there, and started doing weird things with the machines.”

“Where are the others?”

“They took them, I don’t know.” Noir shook his head and gestured for the stairs. The man leapt to his feet and scurried off, disappearing out of sight. He turned around, ready to head back to help Ham. But before he could take more than two steps, the door flew open and there was Ham, breathing heavily and dragging something wrapped in webs. 

No, _someone_. Ham had tied his arms and legs together, and had webbed his mouth shut. “Ham, what the-”

“We need a room to question this bastard. It shouldn’t take long.” Ham glared back at the man and dragged him down the hallway.

“Ham, why are we interrogating him? Shouldn’t we wait for the police?”

“No, he’d just fuck off once we left. Look, when we were in there, I realized why these have all felt weird. It felt like a team-building exercise, kind of. But more than that, it felt like a test _meant_ for us. I think there’s something bigger going on, Noir.” Ham kicked down a door off the hallway as Noir slowly followed him. It all made sense, in an awful way. They had been forced to use most, if not all of their powers, sometimes to their limits each time. And that thing about them all starting like a cliche. _Shit._

Ham had heaved the man into a chair, and Noir webbed him into it. Ham reached up and ripped the webbing from his mouth. “Alright, motherfucker. Talk.”

“What are you talking about-” Ham had pulled his mallet from the ether and had swung it at the man’s head, stopping just short of his right ear. 

“Don’t play dumb with us. We’re onto you. Just tell us who you’re working for. We won’t tattle.” Noir walked over and put his hand on the man’s shoulder, squeezing just a little bit harder than necessary. 

The man started laughing. “You’re hysterical, both of you. Even if I told you, it wouldn’t help. Your days are numbered.”

Ham raised the hammer again. “Well, if it won’t help anyway, why not just tell us? It won’t affect your mission, and you can avoid having your head knocked off your damn shoulders.” The man’s eyes widened as he seemed to realize this cartoon...whatever was serious. 

“Look, look, fine fine. I’ll tell you. I’m working for Doc Ock.”

Noir looked up, disturbed. “He’s dead. Cut the bullshit.”

“No, no. A different one. His people look like your weird friend here, Spider-Man. And he’s promised your extermination, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Noir and Ham looked at each other. “What’s this clown talking about, people looking like me-”

“Wait.” Noir thought back to the figure in the alley a few days before. He gestured Ham to a corner away from the man and told him what he’d seen. “So, like I said, I’m not sure, but…”

“And it would make sense why I’m experiencing the same thing…” They glanced back over at the man, who was slouching as much as he could webbed to a chair. “Let’s get out of here.”

As they left, the man cried out, “Hey, I thought you were going to let me go!”

“He only promised not to knock your head off. And from where I’m standing, it’s still in place.”

“Maybe try not taking an entire workforce hostage next time?” The two hurried to the hallway and found another window. They climbed out and swung off just as the sirens reached the building. They would let the cops deal with this; they now had a much bigger problem on their hands. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Mandy was sitting behind her computer when Barty walked in. “What’s the scoop?”

“I found something on that cat you told me to look up. You’re not going to believe it.” Barty walked around and leaned over her shoulder. She pointed to a copy of Dani’s birth certificate and said, “See the maiden name of the mom?” Barty’s eyes widened as he read _Octopussy_. 

“Wait, is she-”

“Sister, yeah. No one noticed because she took her husband’s name, and that’s all they told Dani.” Mandy looked up at her boss and asked, “Any reason we’re looking into Spider-Ham’s pseudo-sister?”

“The Doc was being evasive about her, and now…” He thought for a second and shook his head. “Anything else to report?”

“We had an agent in the other world use the Doc Ock line, so things might start moving fast over here.”

“Well, we’ll just have to move to meet them. We’re going to have to do something…” Barty trailed off again and Mandy raised her eyebrows at him.

“What’s up?”

“I think I just came up with a way to do two things at once. And she’s the key.” Barty pointed at the birth certificate on the screen. “Things may be about to go fast...but so are we.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand there's the pining tag. Things are happening, it's exciting. 
> 
> Thanks again! Feel free to come talk to me on tumblr @one-true-houselight!


	12. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ham makes a hard choice. King Pin tries to get the upper hand. And Doc Ock finds something very disturbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!
> 
> CW for kidnapping in this chapter, and that tag is also being added to the fic
> 
> Thanks!

It was the day after they interrogated the man in Noir’s universe, so Peter was a little distracted when he walked into the Beagle. The Fam had been talking about the new Doc Ock information through the night, and decided to have a meeting in a few days when they were all available. In the meantime, Peter was trying not to worry too much about it; this meant, of course, that his mind was free to think about other things from the day before…

Had he _really_ had to explain blushing to Noir? Had to look at his earnest, worried, handsome (which did _not_ help the situation) face, and explain that he was blushing right after Noir had complimented his photos? What the _fuck_?

On the other hand...when Noir looked at the black and white photos. Peter had almost cried when Noir gasped at the first one, and the warm, tingly feeling he had gotten in his chest when he hugged him could carry him through anything. Even having to explain blushing to your damn crush. 

Fuck, he was far gone. 

He sighed and put his head down on his desk, trying to collect his thoughts enough to actually do his job. He suddenly realized his Sense was faintly pinging on something behind him, and he turned around quickly to see Dani approaching. It wasn’t often he missed his Sense for that long…

“What’s up with you? You actually looked surprised by someone coming up behind you.” 

“Um…” Peter hesitated, knowing he couldn’t tell her about Noir. But then he realized he could tell her about it in a way; he just couldn’t mention the guy he was in love with was a human noir spider-detective. _God, my life is wild._ “It’s, uh, a guy. It’s a whole thing.”

“Ooooooooh!” Dani perched on the desk and put her chin in her hands. “What’s up? Who is he? What’s he like? When do I meet him?”

“Dani, good lord-ok, um. I like him a lot, he’s a friend, you don’t know him, I don’t know when you get to meet him-”

“A friend, huh? I notice there’s not a name...what’s he like?”

Peter hesitated, sorting through the multitude of adjectives to describe Noir. “He’s...he’s curious, and nice, and tough as nails. He likes every color there is, and he loves so much, even though he’s lost even more. He’s fantastic, Dani.”

“He sounds it, Peter. When’s your next date?” Peter felt himself go red, and couldn’t help but think about what happened with Noir. Man, he was never gonna live that one down. 

“Um...well, you see…”

Dani looked at him sharply. “I swear, if you haven’t told him how you fucking feel-” Peter nodded. “Peter! What the hell!

“There’s no way he feels the same, and it’ll just be awkward.”

“How do you know?”

“Know what?”

“That he doesn’t feel the same way.” Peter hesitated for a second. How did he know? He felt hope blossom in his chest, and his mind ran away with images of a life with him-

“He just doesn’t.” The hope dying in his chest didn’t hurt as much as it had the past nights of him having this conversation with himself. “He deserves...He wouldn’t want a guy like me.”

“Hey now, none of that. Anyone would be lucky to have you, you dumbass.”

“Doesn’t that kind of undercut your point?”

“You’re my brother, I gotta temper this somehow.” Peter laughed a little. “See, there we go, that’s better. Anyway, I’m sure things will work out. Got a picture of this guy?”

 _So many._ “He doesn’t like pictures.”

“Man, that must be weird for you,” Dani said, snickering. “You love your pictures. Alright, what’s he look like?”

“Um…” How the hell does he describe him? “Tall, dark, and handsome.”

“Fine, don’t tell me, I get it.”

“I-”

“Does he at least have a name?”

Peter looked at her and realized he had an opportunity. “It’s Peter.”

Dani stands up in mock frustration. “Well, I guess if you aren’t going to tell me anything, I’ll just go!” Peter laughed and waved. “Keep me updated, ok?”

“I will, Dani. I’ll tell you everything.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night, Dani was sitting in her living room, typing out an outline for a story. She had thrown on her big playlist in the background, and was currently bopping to one of Hozebra new songs. She was feeling better than she had been for the past few weeks; she was sleeping better, and was actually eating food besides pre-packaged snack cakes. Speaking of sleep…

She decided to polish this outline before heading to bed. It would only be a few more minutes, and she would feel better about it being done. The song that had been playing faded out, and she heard a very familiar synthesizer beat start up. She cursed Peter as Never Gonna Give You Up filled the room. He had added a bunch of meme songs to her playlist one day, and they seemed to come up at the _worst_ times. 

She kept typing, though, figuring this damn song would be a good incentive to finish quicker…

Suddenly, she felt a hand cover her mouth. She immediately tried to peel it off to no avail as someone pulled her laptop out of her lap. They set it down, still open, and the song continued to play as Dani was picked up out of the chair. She tried to bite the hand holding her, but whoever it belonged to only laughed. 

“Oh my dear, there’s no need to struggle. We have no intention of hurting you, we just need to borrow you for a little while.” Dani started kicking at whoever was behind her, realizing in some remote corner of her head that it was to the beat of the chorus. 

“You want me to calm her down, boss?” A second voice to her left. She desperately tried to wrench herself from the hands holding her in the air. 

“Not yet, I want to see if she’ll come quietly.” Dani felt the hand come away from her mouth, and she immediately started yelling. 

“What the fuck are you doing, let me go, HELP, HELP SOMEONE-” The hand clamped back on her mouth, somehow harder than before. She continued shouting into it, hoping against hope someone had heard her screams. 

“We’ve got a feisty one. Looks like we’ll be needing that little friend of yours.” From Dani’s left, a hooded figure approached, pulling out a syringe. They stopped and looked at the open laptop. 

“Can we turn this damn song off?”

“Oh, c’mon. I actually think it’s a fun song. Just stick her, alright?” Dani felt the hands adjust to hold her still, and the hooded figure walked up and stuck the needle in her arm. She felt a cold sensation as whatever the liquid was entered her bloodstream. Her vision started to blur a bit, and the room noise started to get far away. She tried to struggle once more, but everything felt so slow, like she was moving through molasses. 

As she drifted off, all she could focus on were the lyrics that seemed to be coming from a few rooms away…

_Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie, and hurt you…_

Her last thought before the encroaching darkness consumed her was to curse Peter once again for his meme timing.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter was sitting at work checking his email when he saw an email from Dani he’d forgotten to answer from a few days before. He got up, figuring it would be easier just to talk to her rather than respond to it. He weaved through the desks to hers, and stopped short when he saw it empty. He grabbed Sam, who was walking past. “Hey, do you know where Dani is?”

Sam shrugged and said, “No clue, she hasn’t been in yet today. You know her better than I do.” Peter nodded vaguely as they walked off. He pulled out his phone and checked to see if she’d texted him. Nothing. He sent her a text and walked back to his desk. She had probably just slept late, he would check on her at his lunch break in a few hours. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Doc Ock was sitting at his desk working on some calculations for the portals when his phone rang. He rolled over to it and picked it up, muttering a greeting. 

“What’s up, Doc?” The Doctor rolled his eyes at Barty’s voice. “I’d like to have a meeting with you about our deal. Mind coming by?”

“Barty, I am very busy, I do not have time for your-”

“Oh, I think you’ll make time. You see, we have your niece, Dani.” The Doctor felt his stomach drop as Barty continued, “That’s right, we know all about your sister, and her poor, poor daughter. We have her with us, and I would love it if you’d come visit.”

“You...son of a-”

“You’re wasting time, Doc. I’d get here as quickly as possible.” And the line went dead. The Doctor stared into space, his mind filled with the memories of hearing of his sister’s death, of getting the call from the state executor telling him he was listed as the child’s guardian. Of saying no. He had observed her moving from home to home, each time telling himself he couldn’t take care of a child, he was far too busy…

By the time his guilt had built enough to actually collect her, he found her working at the Beagle, with friends, and an almost-adoptive older brother in Peter Porker. So he had retreated, figuring it was too late to help her, that it was better she didn’t know she was abandoned once again. And when he found out that Peter was Spider-Ham? It made him double down on his commitment to keeping Ham out of his portal research, as almost some kind of payment for taking care of Dani. But now, it seemed, he had made a horrible decision and put his trust in someone he shouldn’t have, just to advance his own agenda. And now she was in danger because of it. 

He reached out and pressed the buzzer on his desk. “Get the car. I need to go see Barty. And get a call to the Beagle as well. I bet they’ll like getting this story.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dani came to slowly, and in parts. The song faded out of her mind, leading to silence. She felt the cold of a metal chair pierce her consciousness, and she opened her eyes to a industrial room. Her vision was still fuzzy, so she lifted her hands to rub her eyes-no she tried to, because now she could feel rope biting into her wrists, and the events of the night came crashing back down all at once. She was tied tightly to a chair after being kidnapped by a hooded figure and a deep voice whose origin she never saw. She didn’t know why she was here. And, she realized as she struggled against her restraints, she didn’t really care. She saw a square of sunlight to her right, which meant there was a window. If she could get out of the ropes, she could use this chair to climb to it…

The door in front of her opened, and a mongoose and a polar bear walked in. She didn’t recognize either of them, but she recognized the stature of the mongoose as the figure who had given her what must have been a sedative. Shit. “What the hell do you want?”

“Oh, she’s awake! Wonderful.” The polar bear walked over to her and grinned. “We’ve been waiting for you to wake up from your nap.” Dani gave him a death glare.

“Oh, don’t give us that look,” drawled the mongoose. “You don’t matter to us at all, it’s nothing personal. We just wanted to use you to get to your uncle.” Dani looked at her in confusion.

“I don’t have an uncle, you dumbasses.”

“Oh, they never told you about him. And he liked that way. But, your mother had a brother. Rather successful too. So successful, that when he got the notice that his dear sister had died, and left a little one behind for him to take care of, he couldn’t be bothered.”

Dani looked at her, shaking slightly. “You’re lying.” But wouldn’t that just fit, though. Abandoned once again, what a pattern…

“Oh, don’t you wish. But no, no. You’ll see. Your dear uncle will be here in a short while, and you can have a chat. That is, if he shows. But I wouldn’t concern yourself with that.” Dani felt a shiver go up her spine at those words. She hadn’t been scared before, not really. But now she was remembering why people were taken for ‘leverage’ and god, that mongoose was right, she did _not_ want to think about it…

“Now, because we are courteous hosts here, we would like to offer you a phone call in this trying time. Is there anyone you can actually count on? Maybe place a call to Spider-Ham, given your predicament.”

Dani snorted, despite herself. “Yeah, no. I’m gonna call Peter Porker at the Daily Beagle. He should be in by now, given the sunlight.”

Her two captors shared a grin full of mirth she did not understand. “And, uh, why would you like to call him, of all choices?”

“He’s a reporter, he’ll tell everyone what’s going on.” _And I need someone to talk to._ From their looks, she knew they knew she was scared. But they pulled out a cheap phone and called on their radios for someone to get the Beagle’s number.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter checked his phone again, then looked back over at Dani’s empty desk. It was almost lunch, and there was still no word from her. He looked at the batch of pictures he was editing and decided to take an early lunch and check on her. The whole thing with Ock was scaring him…

Without warning, Steve ran out of his office, a cordless phone up to his ear. He leaned it away from his mouth and covered the receiver and hissed, “We just got a tip that Dani’s been kidnapped.” Peter felt his heart drop into his stomach. _Was this because of him, oh god oh god-_

He quietly stood up and started sidling towards the door. He figured he could disappear in the chaos, go home, grab the suit, and be wherever she was-shit, he should figure that out first-

Steve put the phone down, clearly having hung up. “Alright, she’s apparently being held at 73rd and D, let’s get someone-” Great, he could be there from his house in-A phone ringing pierced the chaos, and Steve stopped yelling instructions as he realized it was the phone in his hand. He picked it up as Peter was about halfway to the stairs, and said a word that made him stop in his tracks. “Dani?”

Peter slowly turned as Steve listened to Dani, his heart having made an impulse trip to play a concert by his ears. “Yeah, he’s here, I think-Peter?” Peter slowly raised his hand, and Steve walked towards him. “It’s for you.” _Shit_ As Steve handed it to him, he muttered, “Grab your camera and bring the phone in the van, I want to keep you on the line.” Before Peter could protest, Steve walked away, and he was left with the phone in his hand. 

“He raised it to his head and said, as casually as he could manage, “Hey Dani. I…”

“Hey, Peter. It’s good to, to hear your voice. I, uh, I’ve been kidnapped-”

“We know, we got a tip.”

“Ok, good, good. Just needed to establish what was, what was happening, you know?” Her voice cracked ever so slightly. “Fuck, I’m scared.”

“I know. It’s gonna be ok, we’re on our way. I’m assuming you can’t say who has you?”

There was a long pause, and Peter could hear some rustling, as if Dani was surrounded by others. “Yeah, that’s a negatory on that one. Sorry.”

“Hey, don’t apologize. For anything, ok? This is not your fault, ok?” Peter could feel himself wanting to break, but he owed it to her to stay strong. It was the least he could do after getting her into this situation. “Look, you’re gonna be ok. I promise.”

“I know.” Fuck. He quickly switched topics, trying to come up with something normal, something distracting, to keep her calm. And as he talked, he desperately tried to figure out how to save her when his suit was back home. 

_Fuck._

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dani had been on the phone for about five minutes. She was breathing a little easier now as Peter told her a story about how he almost fell down a waterfall trying to take a picture. He had said they were coming to the building, and they believed the police were coming too. He kept assuring her everything would be ok, and she noticed a bit of guilt in his voice. She hated that he felt responsible for this, for her. He finished up his story, saying, “Alright, we’re getting close. Everything’s going to be ok, I’m so sorry.”

“Peter, you know this isn’t your fault, right?” There was silence on the other end of the line. “Peter, please. I know you feel like you look out for me, but you didn’t do this. Ok?”

Finally, she heard Peter breathe out. “Thanks, Dani.” Before either could speak, she heard the radio on the mongoose’s shoulder crackle. 

“The doc’s here.” She nodded at the bear, who gestured to Dani.

“Your uncle’s here, tell Porker goodbye.”

She sighed, trying not to cry. “Peter, I gotta go. See you in a bit.”

“Yeah. I’m gonna get you out, I promise.”

“Peter, you don’t-” The bear pulled the phone away and hit the end button. Dani couldn’t help but notice that Peter never acknowledged what she’d said before, and she tried to push her concern about him out of her mind.

“Touching. Your uncle is here, dear. We’re going to go talk to him. We’ll bring him up later so you two can chat. Do you need anything?” Dani’s less-than-polite request seemed to only amuse him as he walked off. “I would be careful using language like that, young lady. We’ll see you soon. Hopefully under...favorable circumstances.”

The two animals left the room, leaving Dani alone. She took deep breaths, trying to calm herself. Then she started to try and loosen the ropes. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Barty turned around as he heard the sound of wheels on the linoleum. “Ah, Doctor! So glad you could join us!”

“This is low, even for you.”

“Oh, Otto, I don’t think insults are the best course of action right now.” The Doctor looked at him with fury in his eyes. 

“How dare you bring my niece into this? She is innocent, probably the only innocent involved in this whole damn-” His eyes widened. “Is this part of your obsession with revenge against Spider-Ham? Did you kidnap her because she is his friend?”

“As delightful as that detail is, no. We just wanted to talk to you about the terms of our deal, and since you’ve been so uncooperative, we decided to apply a little pressure.”

“Fine.” The Doctor rolled up to the table. “What would you like to discuss?”

“That’s better.” Barty sat down and pulled out some papers from a folder on the table. “We’re asking for unlimited use of the portal tech we’ve been helping you develop.”

“Are you serious?” Barty nodded as the Doctor laughed. “That would be ridiculous even before this stunt. Absolutely not, I don’t even know if it will be stable yet-”

“I don’t think you understand how this is working. Your niece is upstairs right now. Just had a very sweet chat with Peter, in fact. Would be a shame if something were to happen…”

“You bastard.” The Doctor thought for a second, and Barty saw it as an opportunity to get to what he really wanted.

“As much as I’m hurt by that insult, I am forgiving. I would settle for...all your research. Schematics, equations. That way, we would have our own version of the technology, and you wouldn’t feel responsible.”

“I don’t think you’d be able to do anything with my paperwork, it’s rather complex-”

“Oh, you’d be surprised. We’re not as dumb as you seem to think we are.” Barty watched as the Doctor thought. It looked like he was caving, until-

“Actually, no. Even if you could do something with it, blood would still be on my hands. I cannot in good faith give you access to that kind of technology.”

Barty gave him a long look. Then, he picked up his radio off the table and told the guards to prepare the girl, and was incredibly satisfied when the Doctor’s ears flattened in fear.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter sat holding the phone in the back of the bouncing news van. He fidgeted with his camera, trying to fill the gaping void in his mind with something other than complete, breath-taking anxiety. He had no clue what to do. His little sister was trapped, probably because of him, and he didn’t have his suit, he couldn’t do anything-

“Hey, we’re getting reports of a car belonging to Doctor Otto Octavius pulling into the building.” Peter almost stopped breathing. So definitely because of him. He decided he didn’t have a choice: he had to save Dani. The only question was how. 

The van pulled up in front of the building, where police were just starting to show up. Peter hopped out of the van and let himself get lost in the confusion. He quickly shot some exterior footage of the building, his mind racing. He couldn’t get in the front, so he would have to try the back...he hoped there were doors.

He quickly started sidling around the growing crowd, relieved he wasn’t interrupted this time. He made it to the building, checked around one last time, and darted behind it. He was glad Greg wasn’t here, he was the only one hyper-vigilant about Peter. He continued around the building and cursed at its flat wall. No doors. Shit. Well, there weren’t too many windows, and the walls had decorative spaces between panels. He could probably claim photography and adrenaline and just climb it. It was risky, but he wasn’t in a risk-assessment mood with Dani held captive somewhere in the building. 

He quickly jumped up and started scaling the building. He checked the windows, trying to figure out where Dani might be. Empty office...break room...conference room… _holy shit_. About four stories up, he looked in a window to see Dani tied to a chair, struggling to escape. The rest of the room was empty. He quickly pulled out a card, jimmied the window, and opened it, not daring to believe his luck. Dani stopped at the sound, and tried (and failed) to turn towards him. Good, he would have less explaining to do. He hurried through and ran over to her. 

He started whispering as he examined the rope used to tie her up. “Dani, I need you to be quiet, ok? I’m gonna get you out.”

Dani tried turning her head again. “Peter? What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Getting you out, I just said.”

“Holy shit-This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.”

“Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s true. Now hold still.” Peter started undoing knots, thankful there were fewer than there had been with Noir. After what felt like hours, but what was probably more like half a minute, he undid the last knot holding her arms. She immediately started working on her legs while Peter moved to the ones around her torso. “Almost got it…” They finished around the same time, and Dani quickly stood up. As she started stretching, Peter ran around and hugged her, trying not to cry. She hugged him back. “I’m so sorry, Dani.”

She pulled away, holding his shoulders.“We don’t have time to argue about this, but please stop saying sorry. You didn’t do anything, and now you’re doing something very dumb, and I’m worried about you.”

Peter looked guilty. “I’m sorry. OK, we have to figure out how to get you down-”

“How’d you get up?”

“I climbed.”

“You _what_?”

Peter was quickly looking around, trying to figure out how to get them out. “I scaled the building, adrenaline is great.”

“You’re so fucking dumb.”

“Thanks.” Peter hurried over to the rope they had just untied. “We can tie these together and use them to let us down, come on-”

Suddenly, there was a crash from what seemed to be a floor down. It was followed by some yelling, which seemed to echo in the radios of guards outside the door. “Shit.” Peter ran to the window and looked out. A few guards were walking the perimeter of the building who hadn’t been there before. _Had someone seen him, fuck fuck fuck…_ “There’s guards out that window now. Do you know when they’re coming back for you?”

“No, but probably soon. I was supposed to be leverage.” Peter desperately looked around the room, and his eyes landed on the air vent. It would fit both of them, but it would mean-

From outside the room, Peter heard the radio say, “We’re coming up with the Doctor. Prepare the girl.” Peter knew he had to act. And he really only had one option. He ran over to Dani and spun her around and made her look at him. He winced at the fear in her eyes, knowing what was about to happen was going to make a lot of things very difficult. 

“Dani, some shit’s about to happen, I promise I will explain everything, but not right now.”

“Peter, what the hell-”

“Dani, please.” He took a breath and squeezed her shoulders, making himself look her in the eyes. “Do you trust me?”

Dani stopped talking and looked at him. He could tell she knew something big was up. That made it hurt all the more when she firmly said, “You know I do.”

He gave her a quick hug and positioned himself between her and the door. “Then here we go.”

He watched as the door swung open, and raised his hands, pressed the button on both his web slingers, and webbed their mouths shut, then ran over and started fighting. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 _I’m best friends with Spider-Ham_. The thought was there the moment she watched Peter web the two goons, but Dani refused to acknowledge it. Or she couldn’t. She wasn’t sure. All she knew was that her goofy, kind best friend had shot webs from his wrists and was now kicking the absolute shit out of the two guards. In her mind, that first thought served as a center to a rapidly expanding flow chart, connecting things she hadn’t even thought were relevant until now in a web of events from the years she’d known Peter. Heh. Web. 

She was shaken from her thoughts for a moment by Peter running over and grabbing her hand. She looked over and saw the guards webbed on the floor, not moving. “Are they dead?” She was surprised at how steady her voice was. 

“No, just unconscious. Look, I think we gotta go through the vents, which means we gotta swing. Hold on.” She let Peter position her arm around him and tried not to yell as he ran and jumped, shooting a web into the ceiling. They neatly landed on the vent, and Peter quickly took the cover off the end and gestured for her to climb in. She did so, and as she watched him neatly flip in and redo the cover, she remembered the rock climbing team building day, and what Greg had said…

“Wait, so Greg was right?” Peter gave her an almost affronted look of surprise. 

“That’s the first thing you go to?”

“Hey, don’t fucking judge me, I just learned my best friend is a fucking superhero.”

“Fair enough.” She let him squeeze past her and followed him as he crawled ahead, occasionally looking through openings to see if they could jump out. Her mind kept spinning, question after question piling up behind one that had been growing like a balloon-

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She winced a little at the betrayal she could hear in her voice, and she could tell it hit Peter more as he stopped dead in his tracks. But she couldn’t help it; they had been friends for so long, and it hadn’t even come up. 

“I had to protect you.” Dani could tell from his tone and the set of his shoulders that he was not saying everything, and that made her angry. 

“Bullshit. I can protect myself.”

“Not against this stuff, you can’t-”

“No! Don’t start with that! You could protect me just as well with me knowing this huge fucking thing!”

“I’m sorry, it seemed best-”

“Oh did it? Just let me pour out every little damn thing to you, but you could just keep this to yourself? Why would you tell your best friend, your fucking sister this little, insignificant detail of you being a vigilante crime fighter?”

“Dani, I-” 

“Look, just...just keep going.” Peter kept crawling, only pausing for a second at one of the openings. Dani glanced through and found herself glued to the spot. Through the opening, she saw a cat in a wheelchair she recognized as Doctor Octavius, and suddenly things clicked into place. 

A busy, successful uncle. And he seemed the age to be her mother’s brother. And that mongoose had talked about the doctor...She turned to tell Peter, because that what she always did, but stopped. 

She watched as he perched in front of another opening, a look she had never seen on him sitting on his face like it was always there. Her heart clenched as she realized there was a lot she didn’t know about Peter, and the urge to tell him about this life-shaking discovery vanished. Her uncle refused to take her in, her best friend didn’t tell her he was living a double life...that kind of thing seemed to be contagious today. 

“C’mon, there’s a staircase here. It seems like it isn’t used often, so we should be safe.” _Safe_. That word bounced around her head as Peter shot a web for her to use to climb down. Peter seemed to feel her gaze and turned to her. “Dani, I’m so sorry about all of this…”

“All of what?”

“The Ham thing, you getting taken-”

“Peter, the kidnapping wasn’t…” Dani’s eyes widened at Peter’s guilty look. “Oh my god.”

“There’s something going on, and I’ll explain it too, with Doc Ock, and-”

“So glad that ‘protecting me’ thing is working out so well.” She tried to ignore Peter’s hurt look as she spun around and started walking down the stairs. Protecting her, who the hell did he think-

She stopped descending the stairs as a two thoughts hit her, right after another. 

She had thought that about Ham so many times. And now that she knew-

She spun around and hissed, “You fucking used the Beagle!”

Peter, who had been acting as lookout, looked at her. “What?”

“You stole out stories and went and Hammed it up, or whatever-” Dani realized something else. “That thing on 6th. That was you.” Peter tried to speak, but Dani was too angry. “I trusted you! And you just swooped in-”

“That thing would have killed you. All of them would! I only ‘swoop’ in if I absolutely have to-”

“Says you! How do you know we can’t handle it?”

“I just do, ok? I’ve seen shit, Dani, and I will not let innocent people die just to show the power of journalism, or policing, or whatever!” Peter started going down the stairs. “C’mon, we have to get you out of here.”

They kept going down the stairs in silence, and Dani didn’t know what to do. She was off kilter, and angry, and so tired, and had just survived a kidnapping. She almost laughed at the fact she had almost forgotten that last part with everything else going on. They reached the bottom of the stairs, where there was a door leading outside. Peter stopped her before she could open the door. 

“I can’t go out with you. They’ll know Spider-Ham was here, and I can’t be seen nearby.”

“Fine.” Dani could tell he had a lot of things he wanted to say. 

“Please don’t tell anyone.” She laughed mirthlessly. She could tell by his expression he hadn’t wanted that to be the first thing out of his mouth, but she wasn’t in a forgiving mood. “Fuck, that’s not...look, I promise I will answer all your questions, I’m so sorry this is how this had to be.”

“I bet you are.” His shoulders slumped. “Look, I’ll let you know when...if I’m ready. Just...I need some space. Please.” 

“Yeah. Of course.” They looked at each other awkwardly. 

“Bye, Peter.”

“Bye.” Dani turned around and walked out the door, trying to pretend she hadn’t seen Peter wiping away tears.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Barty walked alongside the Doctor, waiting for confirmation from the guards about the girl. They turned the corner to where she was being kept, and he felt anger rise in him when he saw the door to her room hanging open. He hurried ahead, and felt the anger bubble over when he saw the two guards lying unconscious, wrapped in webbing, and an empty room save for the chair with untied rope coiled around it. 

“Motherfucker!” He heard a chuckle from behind him. 

“Well, sir, it seems I no longer have a reason to be here.” Barty watched angrily as the Doctor turned around and started rolling away. “I do believe we are officially done. The final check will be sent soon, and please consider yourself lucky to have that much.”

“You’re going to regret this, Doc.”

“Oh, I believe I already am. But not as much as I would regret continuing to work with you. I set aside our differences in technique for far too long, it seems, and I’ve put an innocent life in danger.”

“You hired me to do a job.”

The Doctor paused and spun himself around. “I did, yes. And I have to ask myself, at what cost?” Barty watched as the Doctor turned back around and rolled out of sight. After a few moments to make sure he was far enough away, he raised his radio up, switched the channel, and said, “Plan B go. It looks like out relationship with the good doc is done.”

He had really been hoping the doctor would agree to help, it would have been easier. But he never let something that small stop him before, and he wasn’t going to start now, when such power was within his grasp. 

He saw Mandy round the corner ahead and walk up to him. “Plan B, boss?”

“Yeah, it looks like Ham got in here. Can’t wait to shatter him.”

“Alright. We should be able to have a test ready in a few days.”

“Wonderful.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter didn’t really remember what had happened after he left Dani. He had gone on auto-pilot, only really conscious enough to avoid her outside. He somehow took some pictures for the story, checked in with Steve, and made it home without once thinking about anything besides what had just happened. He didn’t blame Dani, he really didn’t. This had to be a shock, and none of what she said was wrong, really, especially to her. That didn’t stop it from hurting. 

As he sat down and pulled out his pendant, his brain had focused in on when she had changed the when to if when talking about being ready. She owed him nothing, but he still hoped they could be friends again. He hoped he hadn’t made a series of terrible errors. He quickly tapped his way to the group chat, but hesitated. He didn’t know if he could deal with five faces looking at him with pity right now. So he went to the direct message with Noir.

> Hey, can you come over when you’re available? Dani found out and isn’t happy.

A few minutes later, as Peter was getting himself something to drink, the pendant vibrated.

> On my way

Peter went back to the couch and sat. A few moments later, a portal opened in front of him, and Peter was too tired to really be worried about the sparks. Noir stepped through and closed the hole behind him. Peter looked up at him and quietly said, “I think she hates me now. I fucked up, Noir, I…” And then he was crying, all the tears he’d held back all day cascading down his face. He felt Noir sit next to him and draw him into a hug, and he leaned in and let himself be held, not even trying to sit up on his own.

Finally, he felt the tears slow, and he realized he had almost pushed Noir completely horizontal. He adjusted himself, muttering apologies. Noir never let go as he sat back up, and started rubbing his back. Peter quietly told him everything that had happened, and Noir nodded slowly. 

“That is a lot. And, though I believe you know this, it’s a lot for her too. It’s very easy to get caught up in things we should have done, in believing we could have saved every relationship. But that will only lead to regret, Ham.” Peter remembered how Noir’s Aunt May didn’t like what he did, and he felt bad for making him think about it.

“I’m sorry Noir, I didn’t mean to make you sad.”

“No, no. Don’t worry about it. There’s no sense in never talking about our shared experience.” Noir paused in the circles on Peter’s back for a second, but he continued them as he said, in a quieter voice, “But I do appreciate you thinking of me.”

Peter was feeling calmer now, and as he sat there listening to Noir talk, and letting himself absorb his warmth, a wave of emotion overcame him. God, he was in love with him, and he wanted to just sit here forever, and not think about anything else like secrets or fights, or decisions…

But then he remembered Dani’s face in the stairwell, and her fear when he’d untied her, and he knew he had to think about those things. He also thought briefly about the talk they’d had the day before, before everything had changed, and he snuck a look up at Noir, whose eyes were closed with a slight smile on his face, and Peter tried to imagine telling him and-

And he knew that, for now at least, he had to not think about that. They had something bad coming, and they needed to get ready for it. He leaned back against Noir and slowly let his breath out. 

They needed to get ready, yes. But the world could wait one minute, he thought, as he reached out and set his hand on Noir’s. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

The Doctor hurried to his computer when he arrived back at his lab and pulled a device from his coat. As he had been leaving Barty’s, he had noticed something behind a partially closed door, and had just managed to get a reading before a guard had come by. He plugged in the device and tapped some keys, hoping against hope he was wrong-

The screen flashed with a moving graph, and he felt his heart drop a little. The readings were familiar, too familiar- 

They were the same readings he was getting on his portal tests. Except, he realized to his dismay, they were more unstable. 

It appeared he had waited too long. And it looked like he had to make a house call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are ramping up, friends!
> 
> Wooooo!


	13. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fam get a strange visit. Noir learns the truth. Protocol 63 is unleashed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Have fun!

After Ham calmed down some, Peter messaged the Fam and asked to have their Doc Ock meeting then. Within fifteen minutes, the other four were in Ham’s living room; everyone was a little fidgety, given that this was the biggest thing they’d faced together since the collider. B’s hair was wet from the shower, and Gwen had a slash across her cheek that was slowly healing. Ham had gone and made himself a cup of hot chocolate to get himself back in the game, and Peter was relieved to see that he seemed to be doing better than when he’d first arrived. 

“Alright, so it looks like we have another rogue doctor. Ham, have you had any experience with him here?”

“No, he’s been pretty low-key. I guess this is the origin story?”

“Lovely. Alright, Noir, Ham, you have the most experience with whatever this guy has planned. Give us the Cliff’s Notes.” When B saw everyone looking at him strangely, he threw his hands up. “A summary, we don’t have time to get into the dimensional logic.”

Peter awkwardly stood up, and Ham, seeing him do this, hopped up too. They ran down the fights they had encountered in their dimensions, the man they had interrogated a few days prior, and the kidnapping of that day. “The only thing that’s confusing me,” said Ham, “is that Dani said she was being used as ‘leverage’. But I never got a call, so…” He lightly smacked his head. “They probably knew I would come rescue her. It was more bait.” Peter patted his friend’s shoulders, knowing he was probably beating himself up still for Dani’s capture. 

“Ok. So Ock is testing you two, and trying to lead you into pointless fights? What is he after?”

Peni raised her hand. “I’m more concerned about how he got the ability to jump dimensions. Noir said he saw someone from Ham’s universe in his.”

“Shit, yeah.” Peter could tell everyone was serious when there wasn't a chorus of ‘language’ at B’s cursing. “Do you think he could have piggy-backed on...um, could have used our portals somehow? I know I leave mine open a lot, especially if they’re inside.”

“Same. And yeah, that’s possible, but it seems like they are working together more closely than just taking advantage of our portals, you know? And there’s the time limit as well…” Ham sat back, lost in thought.

Across the house, the doorbell rang, and everyone’s Sense pinged. Everyone stared at the hallway. Ham stood up, quietly hopped onto the wall, and skittered out of the room. The Fam waited with bated breath, hoping it was a salesman, or a package. 

“Is Ham doing alright, Noir?” Miles, who was across the table from Peter, looked concerned. 

“I believe so. He just needs some time, as does his friend.” Miles nodded as Ham slowly came back in. He jumped down to the floor.

“Well, uh...Doc Ock is sitting on my doorstep.”

“Come again?”

“Doc Ock is-” 

“What the hell do we do?” The Fam looked back over towards the door just in time for the bell to ring again. 

“Well, I say we talk to him. If you know what I mean.”

“I don’t want to fight him in my home! Remember what happened at May’s?”

“Oh, you’re one to talk, Mister break-a-plate-to-make-a-freaking-shiv!”

“Oi!” Everyone looked at Peni, who had stood up on her chair. “We don’t have time for this. I think we should talk to him, at first at least. Everyone agree?” The Fam nodded, some more reluctantly than others. “Alright, then Ham. Let him in, once he’s in, we’ll surround him. Ok?”

The Fam moved up against the far wall of the dining room as Ham went back to the door. They heard it open, and Ham’s too-casual “Oh, hello?” They couldn’t make out Doc’s words, but they heard Ham say, “I’ve no idea what you’re talking about, but you seem distressed about it. Come on in.” 

As they heard Ham helping the doctor get up the step into the house, B muttered, “His voice isn’t as gurgly as I thought.” Gwen turned slowly to look at him. 

“What are you talking about?”

“I mean, I thought, there’d be like a tank? Or is he some kind of-”

From the other room, they heard the decisive click of the lock and Ham calling, “We have a visitor!” The Fam quickly walked down the hall and entered the living room to see a distinguished looking cat in a wheelchair with a surprised expression on his face. Ham walked in from the front door, anger etched into his face. 

“Alright, you somehow know I’m Spider-Ham, you’ve been testing me and my friends, you kidnapped my best friend. What the hell do you want?”

“Peter, besides your alternate identity, I’m afraid you have the wrong suspect. That is why I’m here-”

“Cut the bullshit,” Peter said, stepping forward. “We got one of your guys to give us your name. The jig is up, Doc.”

To his surprise, the Doctor sighed and put his head in his hands. “Of course Barty had them give you my name.”

“Who the hell is Barty?”

“A grave mistake, I’m afraid. Please, to all of you Spider...creatures, let me tell you my story. If you find it lacking, you can throw me out. But I’m afraid the multiverse might be in terrible danger.”

B rolled his eyes and muttered, “See, bud. The stakes in this job…”

Ham spoke up and said, “How do we know we can trust you?”

“I’m afraid you don’t, Peter. But I ask that you try for now.” The Fam looked at each other. B gestured for everyone to huddle in the corner. 

“Alright. I say we let him talk. Even if he just feeds us complete crap, we might still get something from the things he leaves out. Everyone ok with that?” They nodded, Ham with more hesitance. Peter could tell he was still angry, but didn’t see a way to act on it yet. They all turned back around to see the Doctor sitting calmly in the center of the room. They slowly walked over, and looked at him. 

“Go ahead and talk. We’re listening, for now.”

“Thank you. I promise I won’t be long.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

The Doctor’s explanation of the basics was, indeed, not long. “So now we’re here, and I’m worried about what Barty’s doing with those portals.”

Peni, who had been typing notes throughout, raised her hand. “Do you have your data on the portals?”

“I do, young lady. Do you need a copy for records?”

She gave a cool look. “No, I designed our portal tech, and figured I could take a look and see what the issue was.” Peter heard B muffle a snicker with a very fake cough. 

“Oh. Of course, I apologize.” He pulled out some folders and opened them as Peni walked over and looked over his shoulder. B motioned with his head for the rest of the group to huddle. As they obliged, Miles looked hesitant. 

“I don’t want to make any decisions without Peni…”

“I’m not, I still got some questions. But I just had to say...why is he a cat?”

Ham stared up at B. “You do get we’re all animals here, right? Like, I’m a pig. You remember that, right?”

“No, that’s not what I-Of course I remember, Ham. It’s just, I expected, you know, Doctor Octopus, to be...an Octopus.”

“That’s why you said his voice wasn’t gurgly…” Gwen said quietly

“Wait, Doctor who?” Gwen and Miles high-fived as Ham continued, “Did you say Doctor Octopus?”

“Yeah. That’s his name here too, right?” He looked at Ham’s confused face and repeated, “Right?”

“No, his name’s Doctor Octopussy, what the hell-”

“I’m sorry, his name is _what_?” B stood aghast. “Actually, don’t say it again, not in front of the kids.”

“Really?” Gwen and Miles chorused. 

“What, it just means cat, I don’t know-”

“Ham, no. Just...no.” B put his head in his hands for a moment. “Can we...just call him Doc Ock and pretend this conversation never happened?”

“He prefers that name anyway, and absolutely not.” B cursed as Ham turned back around to Peni and Doc Ock. “How’re you two doing?”

“Well, I have some theories about what the Pinhead is doing-”

“Why does no one here have a normal name?” B stared around at everyone’s various expressions. “Ok, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, we have more important things to worry about.”

“Anyways, I have some theories about it, and they’re all not great.”

“Like, collider not-great?”

Peni shook her head at Gwen, who looked relieved. “No, it’s not on that scale, luckily. But it could still cause some pretty serious havoc…”

“Thrilling, so you want our help cleaning up your mess?” Ham looked annoyed again, his foot tapping out a fast, irregular beat.

“Yes. And I’m sorry it’s come to this.”

“But not,” Peter piped up, “for the spying, or the hiring dangerous rogues to break into his residence, or-”

“Look, sir, I was trying to improve science! I never meant any harm to come to anyone!” Before Peter or Ham could retort, B broke in.

“Hey, guys. I’m pissed too, but I think we need to focus on the problem at hand. Once we fix this, we’ll have all the time in the world to get into the ethics of our Doctor here. But if we don’t, we may not get that chance.” Ham nodded, and Peter reluctantly copied. He was surprised how impassioned he felt about what the Doctor had done, and he had a feeling it had more to do with Ham than it did him. 

He shook himself out of that line of thought (he really didn’t have the time for that right now) as Ham said, “I just have one more question for you, Doc.”

“Yes?”

“Why Dani?” The Doctor’s eyes got a far away look in them. 

“That’s...a long story, Peter. But I can assure you, she was taken to pressure me, and me alone. Her kidnapping was not your fault.”

Ham looked at him for a long moment before finally sighing and saying, “That’s one thing that isn’t, I guess.” He looked around and said, “Hey, you all, I think I have a board out back that we can make a ramp out of for the Doctor, can you help me get it?”

“Oh, that won’t be necessary, I can manage-”

“No, no. Please, you have six super strong spider people, it’s no trouble.” The Doctor nodded.

“On that note, it’s been a pleasure making your acquaintance, all of you. If we were under any other circumstances, I would love to ask you some questions…”

“Yeah, this isn’t your fault, sir, but we have...bad experiences with doctors asking us ‘questions’ in our dimensions,” Miles said. 

“I would imagine. And I suppose what I revealed tonight does not help that image.” The Fam shook their heads awkwardly. “Of course. Well, let’s get that board, and I will be out of your hair. Peter, may I leave a telephone number with you?”

“Yeah, I’ll get some paper.” As Ham went to his office to find some paper, the rest of the Fam uneasily stood in the living room. When he came back, he gave them a strange look. “You all can go to the backyard without me, you know.”

They all nodded quickly and quickly left the room. B muttered, “I’m still confused about the cat part…”

“Ok, Beetlejuice, just cool it with the names.”

“ _Beetlejuice?_ ”

“He had a whole thing about names, you know.” B stared at Miles, who seemed to be trying not to laugh. 

“You all are running out of material, aren’t you?”

“You wish.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Barty sat at his desk, clicking his pen. He had just gotten word that the Doctor had gone to visit Ham, and he did not like that at all. He had forgotten about the spider bastard, and was getting worried about their plan. The scientists were having more trouble than they had expected with the information from Doc Ock’s lab, and he didn’t want to think what one, let alone multiple spiders would do to the operation. He just wasn’t ready…

Mandy knocked on his doorframe, and he motioned her in without looking up. “I heard about Ock. Fucking snitch.”

“I didn’t think he had the guts to go to him.”

“You can’t win ‘em all, I guess. It’s about the end game.” Barty stared at his desk for a bit. 

“We just need more time. How are the guys in science doing?”

“Alright. I think they got past whatever was holding them up, but it’s still going to be a bit before they can run anything.”

“Can’t they work faster?”

Mandy sighed. “No, they cannot. That’s not how that works. But, I have an idea of how to get time.”

Barty looked up sharply. “If it’s the thing you suggested before-”

“I know we could do it! We have the materials, we have the crew-”

“It’s repetitive, Mandy.”

Mandy chuckled. “Might as well actually do what we’re good at sometimes, you know?”

“I don’t like your tone.” He could tell that Mandy wanted to say more, but decided to save it. Good. “Look, I’ll keep it on the table, but only as a last ditch effort, ok?”

“Alright, sir.” She turned around to leave, then stopped. “You know I want this to work, right? You know we’re gonna make this happen.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know. I just worry.”

“I know, sir.” She nodded and kept walking, and Barty watched her go, thinking about how capable she was, and how cunning, and how she always seemed to have a plan…

He made a note to keep an extra eye on her. Good planners were dangerous in a job like this. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

The Fam sat in Ham’s living room, looking through the documents Doc Ock had left. B looked up, concerned. “This all adds up with what he told us, but...are we sure about trusting him?”

“Honestly?” Gwen said, with a serious look. “I think he’s tipped his hand far too much if he had bad intentions.”

“That doesn’t mean we should let our guard down, though.” Everyone nodded at Peter’s pronouncement, and he tried not to dwell on the experiences in his life that had taught him that.

“Alright, what’s our first step?”

“I want to check out this data, see if I can find some kind of pattern we can use…” 

“Good, Peni. Do we want to check out the Pinhead here?” Gwen glared at B, who mimed zipping his lips.

Ham shook his head. “I think he’s too close. He might already know we know, and I don’t want to put any of us in danger.”

“I would, however, like to do some digging in my dimension,” Peter said. “We don’t know who they are working with there.”

“That sounds good, Noir. Honestly, I don’t think there’s much else to do without more info.”

B nodded. “Cool, Peni, let us know if you need help, same for you, Noir. Everyone else, go home, get some rest. Do some stretches, maybe?”

“Let’s meet in my lab tomorrow night, around 8?” The fam nodded, and everyone stood up. 

“The team is back together again!” Miles gave everyone a high-five. “And this time, I can just come from the beginning!”

Everyone laughed as they summoned portals home. As they sparked, Peni’s eyes widened. “Hey, this might explain why our portals are acting up!” 

“Another good reason to kick his ass, then.”

“Language,” Gwen shouted as she stepped through her portal. B stared at her. 

“I have sworn so much today!”

“Things were serious before!” Gwen was grinning at B, who sighed.

“Kids,” B muttered before stepping through his own portal and closing it. As everyone else disappeared, Peter walked over to where Ham had sat down, staring at his almost-empty mug. 

“You gonna be ok?” Ham nodded. 

“Yeah. Sleep should help things.” Peter nodded and got his pendant out. “Hey, Noir?”

“Hmm?”

“Please be careful. I don’t want to see you get hurt.” Ham’s look of worry seemed to pierce Peter’s chest, and he felt the breath leave him, and he knew he would do whatever it took to come back in one piece for him. 

Instead of saying that, however, he simply said, “I will, I promise.” They nodded at each other and Peter opened his portal and stepped through, making plans to swing by Fisk’s building again. This talk about Ham’s Kingpin made him suspicious. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Noir swung towards Fisk’s building, hoping he was wrong about who was involved. He knew the man had a lot of connections here, and a lot of power. He wasn't sure how easy it would be to fight two different crime organizations, and he really didn’t want them having the power of the dimensional portals. He could only imagine what some of the people from his dimension would pay to wreak havoc in the others…

He made it to the building and went around back, climbing carefully up to the same window he’d watched the workers from a few months prior. He looked through and saw the same room, but it was different from the last time. It had been split down the middle by a large wall, and all the manufacturing equipment and the tables of workers had been shoved together in the smaller space on this side of the wall. He shook his head as he went to a window on the other side of the wall, trying not to imagine how much more dangerous the cramped space was now. 

His heart fell at the sight of what was in the other half of the room. He saw what he recognized as computer screens scattered among various tables, a mess of cords running between them. The tables seemed to be circling an open area, which contained some rough looking towers that some people were tinkering with. One of them appeared to type something into the tower, and Noir watched as it crackled a little and spat out incredibly familiar black blobs. _Shit._

He quickly moved away from the window and swung over to the next building. He sat on the roof for a bit, processing what this meant. Somehow, Ham’s guy had gotten over here and had brought tech of some sort, including portal stuff. And they were working together, seemingly to do something with him. He stood up, figuring worrying about it on a roof wasn’t going to do him any favors. As he prepared to swing home, he glanced down at the street and saw a figure wearing a coat heading towards him. 

A figure he recognized as Ben Urich, which made him remember his involvement with this story. He cursed and tried to figure out what to do. Most of the ways he saw actually convincing Ben to drop it, at least for the moment, required he tell him who he really was, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He had always felt he wanted to tell Ben someday, but the thing with Ham and Dani, coupled with the danger of the situation made him hesitate. But as he watched his friend walk closer, he figured the worst that could happen was Ben would be angry at him for hiding this, but he would be safe. And that, knowing the circumstances, was better in the long run. 

He quickly climbed down, and started walking towards Ben. He had slipped the mask off, at least, and was shoving his gloved hands deep in his pockets. As soon as he was close enough to him, he called out, “Hey, Ben!” 

Ben looked up, surprised. “Peter?”

“Yeah, can I talk to you for a moment?” Peter ran up and not-so-gently led him into an adjacent alley. 

“I have a thing, but I guess-Peter, what are you doing here?” Ben looked agitated, and Peter saw his hands fidgeting at his sides. This story really was taking everything out of his friend.

“It’s a long story, and this is important. Ben, I need you to drop the Fisk story. For now, at least.”

As he suspected, Ben looked outraged. “Peter, you know I can’t do that!”

“Please, Ben. There’s something else going on, and you could get caught in the middle.”

Ben sighed and looked away. “I’m sure it’s not that bad, Peter…”

“Believe me, it-what do you mean, not that bad? He’s already abusing workers.”

“Of course, yes.” Ben seemed off kilter, and Peter could see his eyes seemed strange in the light filtering in from the street. “Peter, look, I can’t just drop this without more information, I’m sorry-”

As Ben turned around, Peter reached out and grabbed his arm. “Fisk is working with people from another dimension. He’s trying to create unsafe technology that will punch holes in the multiverse, and they’re trying to kill Spider-Men in multiple dimensions, including this one.” Ben wasn’t turning around, and Peter felt his worry rise. “Ben, I know what he did, and I’m sorry, but this is above your pay grade-”

“How do you know about all this?”

“-and I don’t want you...I’m sorry?” Ben had turned back around, and there was a serious look in his eyes. Peter’s Sense was yelling, but he could barely process what was happening. “What...are you telling me you knew?”

“Yeah, I have to know what’s happening. It’s my job.”

“Well, then you know how serious this is!” Ben’s seeming calmness was scaring Peter. “We have to bring other people in.”

“Absolutely not.”

Peter tried not to scream. “Ben, I know you feel like you have to do this alone, but it’s not healthy, for anyone! This could cause serious problems for a lot of people, is your damn revenge quest worth that?” Peter watched as Ben smiled, and something in his brain made him keep talking, because that smile sent a chill down his spine. “It could kill people, Ben. Including Spider-Man! Along with a bunch of innocent people!”

“So?” Peter felt like he’d been thrown into a vat of ice water. At the sight of his open-mouthed expression, Ben started laughing. “You really bought that revenge bullshit, didn’t you? I knew you were naive, but wow…”

“What the fuck is happening?” Peter didn’t really want to know, he wanted to run home and pretend nothing had changed, that all he had to do was stop Kingpin, and he wasn’t standing here with Ben, the man who taught him everything he knew about journalism, listening to him laugh about the deaths of innocents, of his own death…

“I’ve known about Fisk for years. He had been extorting me when I bought drugs from him as Kingpin, made my wife die because I couldn’t buy her medicine, so when I found out it was Fisk?” Ben smiled happily at the memory. “I told him to cut my prices if he wanted the secret to stay safe.”

“You’ve known...is that why you hid the letter? You’re willing to let those people die in that factory?”

“Yeah, not my issue. People die all the time.”

Peter took a few steps back, and, almost as if he didn’t realize what he was saying, “You taught me that exposing stories was the noblest fucking profession! You showed me how to report, how to follow up on leads...and you’re just sitting on this?”

“Peter, you don’t get it. Journalism, it’s nice and all. But in the end, what does it do? The economy is still in shambles, the government is corrupt, and you can’t even get a beer to forget about it. Every time you expose one of the schmucks causing all this, another pops up. It’s like a sick game, so I figured, why not just milk one of the schmucks for myself instead?”

“That’s not true and you know it, Ben. Every time we reported on something, it made a small change. Look, Prohibition is close to being knocked down! Unions are growing! You can’t just sit back and let things go to shit! Especially when that ‘schmuck’ you’re milking is killing other people.”

“I can, and I will.” Ben yanked his arm out of Peter’s grasp. “I’m sure it’s nice to wait for your life to get better, relying on the goodness of others. But I realized a while ago that it’s useless. What have others ever done for you? We live in a kill or be killed world, kid. Those people would have probably died anyway, given the way things are going. At least they got to be inside for it, instead of in the cold.”

Peter stood aghast. “How can you just give up like that?”

“I am not going to stand here and listen to your moral arguments. You make your choices, I’ll make mine. Trust me, though, going up against Kingpin is pointless. He’s got too much sway here. Just let it go, it’ll pass. Some people will die. A thousand hungry mouths will take their place.” He walked away, and Peter did nothing to stop him. He waited a while, staring at the wall in front of him. Finally, he slid his mask back on and started home. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben knocked three times on the door to the building, and a grunt opened it, ushering him in. He walked calmly towards Kingpin’s office, the only sign of his internal state his constantly fidgeting hands. He saw Kingpin walk around a corner and smiled. 

“Urich, good to see you. You’ve got the payment?”

“I do indeed. I’ve also got some information, free of charge.” Kingpin raised an eyebrow at him. “I just confirmed that Peter Parker is Spider-Man.”

“Well, shit.” A few months earlier, Ben had seen Peter lift a large piece of rubble of a woman at a fire, and had gotten suspicious. There were plenty of tantalizing clues in the strange life that Peter led, but he could never be quite sure, though he shared his suspicions with Kingpin. That night, however, Peter had accidentally tipped his hand; he had taken the mask off, but Ben had seen his gloves, complete with spider pattern, and the final piece had clicked together. 

“Bad news, though. He knows about your little dimensional operation.” 

“We figured that would happen soon enough. I should inform my associate.” Ben followed Kingpin back to his office, where the crime boss picked up a small device and pressed a button. “Hey, anyone there?” 

The device crackled and spoke. “We read you.” Ben, who had been seeing strange technology like this here for a while, had almost come to terms with the fact that this small object was almost like a telephone. 

“Apparently, our Spider-Man knows what’s happening.”

“We’re pretty sure ours does too.”

“Are we implementing Protocol 63?”

“Possibly. Wait a sec, I’ll ask Barty.” As Kingpin waited, he looked up suddenly, as if he had forgotten Ben was in the room. 

“Take Mr. Urich to get his stuff, then start getting ready for Protocol 63.” As Ben stood up and made to follow the man who had appeared to take him to his purchase, Kingpin called out, “I’m surprised you turned on Peter so easily. I thought you and him were close.”

“It’s a shame, yeah,” Ben mused as he rocked back on his heels, “but I didn’t want to be on the losing team.” Kingpin nodded. 

“Well, we appreciate that. Despite your constant threat of our exposure.”

Ben laughed and turned back towards the door. “I was never one to throw all my eggs in one basket. Just think of it as insurance, for if you somehow fail.”

Kingpin watched him leave, then slowly shook his head. What a guy to be blackmailed by. The device crackled again. “It’s a go on 63.”

“We’ll have it ready by tomorrow. Thanks.” He put it down and called out, “Get the suppressor ready, boys. We’re going Spider hunting.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Once he got home, Peter sent a short message to the group chat telling them that Kingpin was definitely involved, and seemed to have similar tech to Ham’s side. After that, he messaged Ham individually and asked him to come over the next day. He needed someone to talk to, and his go to was Ham. He always was.

As he got ready for bed, Ham messaged back saying he would let him know when he was awake. He sent a thank you and laid down, his thoughts drifting back to his conversation with B. His feelings weren’t going away, not that he thought they would. But it was becoming more and more enticing to try telling Ham, just to get it out in the open. 

And there was always the possibility he felt the same way. He had clearly misjudged Ben, so why couldn’t it work in the other, much _much_ better direction? He turned over in bed and thought about asking him to just come over then. He felt lonely, and he could tell his brain was still processing Ben, and he didn’t want to be alone when it finished. 

But then he remembered Dani, and even though he had told Ham not to hide things just because they hit close to home, he couldn’t help feeling like he should at least give him the night. He had done this alone before, he could do it again. And now, he had the knowledge that Ham would be there the next day, which was enough to make him close his eyes. He drifted off soon after, the thought of his friend drowning out the conversation with Ben. 

The next day, he got up and messaged Ham. He noticed his clock read 9:13, and figured it would be a bit before he woke up. So, he went into the living room and continued working on the Fam blanket, the rhythm helping keep him calm. After a few hours, in which he took a break to eat a hurried breakfast, he felt his pendant vibrate with a message from Ham, apologizing for sleeping in. He told him it was fine ( _of course it was fine, he couldn’t really do anything that wasn’t…_ ), just come when he was ready. 

About fifteen minutes later, the black shapes showed up in front of Peter. This time, however, they sparked and writhed for a long time, and when the portal did form, it made a lopsided circle for a few seconds before finally snapping into place. Ham poked his head through and looked around. “Weird.” He hopped through and closed it behind him. “How you doing, Noir?”

“I’m...interesting. How are you?”

“Interesting seems like a good word. Better than yesterday, though.” He sat next to Peter and leaned back. “Everything ok with you?”

“Um...it’s a long story. Do you mind if we just sit for a minute?”

“Not at all. That sounds delightful.” Ham closed his eyes, and Peter went back to his knitting, trying not to focus too hard on the presence next to him, or the funky beat his heart was making in his chest. He thought about telling him right there, just turning to him and saying how much he loved him, how he made him smile and feel lighter than air, how funny and thoughtful and strong he was. He stumbled over a wrap, and he carefully put down the needles. 

But then he thought about their mission, and how important it was, and about how Ham was still reeling from Dani. And he knew it wasn’t the right time, especially if Ham didn’t feel the same way. So instead he said, “So, uh...last night I had a talk with Ben.”

Ham opened his eyes and sat up. “He’s the one working on the Fisk story? Is he safe?”

“Not exactly. Turns out he’s been blackmailing him for years now.”

“ _What?_ ” And Ham listened as Peter recounted his conversation with Ben, and Peter had keep himself from melting at the look of worry in Ham’s eyes, or at the hug he gave him when he finished his story. 

“That’s...rough as shit, Noir. I don’t think there’s a good word for what that is.”

“Yeah. And I was about to tell him that I’m Spider-Man.”

“You dodged a bullet there, I guess.” Peter smiled as Ham continued, “But for real, are you ok?”

“I think so, honestly. I just needed to get it out there. It’s just jarring, I guess, for a guy who helped shape me into a journalist for all these noble reasons turns out to be...that.”

“Well, he certainly didn’t mess that one up. You’re one of the most noble people I know.”

Peter raised his eyebrows at Ham. “Really?”

“Yeah. Don’t look at me like that, it’s true. It would be so easy to get jaded here, and yet here you are, doing good to do good, saving people however you can…” He looked like he wanted to say more, but thought better of it. Peter tried not to cry. 

“I…” As Peter looked down into Ham’s eyes, he thought about how they sparkled when Ham laughed, and the desire to just say it, just tell him, grew stronger, and he had to remind himself why it would be silly to do so…

Suddenly, their Senses pinged in unison. They both jumped off the couch and looked around, confused; the ping seemed to be coming from everywhere, but they couldn’t see or hear anything. Ham gestured to himself, then the window, then at Peter, then the door. Peter nodded and they each went to their areas. Ham peeked through the window and clapped a hand over his mouth. Peter became aware of a low humming as Ham put up six fingers and gestured outside. Peter nodded and checked through the peep hole in his door. His hallway was crowded with at least seven people, one of whom had a very out-of-place device on their shoulders, which seemed to be the source of the humming. 

He quickly went over to Ham and muttered, “We’re surrounded.”

“Shit. Want to portal out, and regroup there?” Peter nodded, and Ham pulled out his pendant and pressed his own face. The black shapes started forming in front of them and then...just stopped. They seemed to freeze in midair, then vanish, like a straw sucking up the last bubbles of a soda. “The hell?” Ham tried again, getting the same result. 

As Peter pulled out his pendant, there was banging from the door. He quickly pressed Ham’s face and watched the same phenomenon as someone started kicking at the door. He turned to Ham and said, “I saw some guy with a weird device out there. Do you think it’s causing this?” 

“Maybe?” Ham was desperately trying all the other buttons to no avail.” Peter looked back at the door, which had started to crack. 

“Ham, go hide. They don’t know you’re here, you can get away-”

“Absolutely not,” Ham said adamantly. “We might be able to fight these guys off together. I’m not leaving you alone.” As the door continued breaking, Peter opened his mouth to argue, only for Ham to say, “You’re not changing my mind, Peter. I’m not leaving.” The combination of his real name and Ham’s tone made Peter close his mouth. The two turned towards the door and got into some kind of fighting stance. 

With a resounding crash, the door flew apart, and the six men walked in, guns out. Three were pointed at each Spider. One of them loudly stated, “If either of you make a move, the other gets shot three times. And we’re good shots.”

Peter felt his heart constrict. He’d had guns pointed at him so much, they barely fazed him anymore. But the idea of Ham getting shot because of him...he couldn’t bear it. So he stayed very, very still, and Ham did the same. “What do you want?”

“Oh, I want a lot of things, Spider-Man. Money, booze that doesn’t smell and taste like cat piss. But right now? I want to see you on the fucking ground, and your little friend too.”

“Why?” Peter didn’t even try to argue that he wasn’t Spider-Man; the possible portal interference and the fact that they weren’t even a little confused about the colorful pig made him think they had more than enough information to know he was lying. 

“Our boss is working on something he doesn’t want you interfering with, and he sent us to make sure he was undisturbed. Now get on the ground, or I put a bullet in its head.” Peter felt Ham tense next to him, and he almost punched the man in the face. But he knew he couldn’t win against six revolvers, so he slowly knelt down. 

“Don’t call him that.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt the feelings of the guys I’m kidnapping. Keep going, both of you.” Peter and Ham slowly laid down on the ground and put their hands above their heads. They heard two guys walk over and start roughly tying their hands together. Another set of feet appeared by their heads, and a face bent down to look at them. 

“Now, we know you’ll be good little prisoners, but just to be sure, we made you a special treat.” Without any other warning, Peter felt a needle stab into his neck, and heard a gasp from Ham, indicating he had gotten pricked as well. Immediately, he felt his vision start to blur. He tried to fight it, desperately grasping onto consciousness. The face seemed to sense this, and started laughing. “Don’t worry, it’s been tailored to your unique metabolism, or so I’m told. Just let it work. There’s not much else you can do.”

As Peter lost the fight against the sedative and watched the man walk away, he caught sight of Ham, whose eyes were closing slowly, pushing away the tears forming in them. Peter tried to say something to comfort him, but as he opened his mouth, it felt like the floor gave way underneath him and he fell into the warm darkness, finally letting it consume him. He had no other choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy hey, what a fun ending. 
> 
> B is me when I found out how they handled Doc Ock in Ham's verse because w h y. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Also, I am slowly going through previous chapters and editing them for increased clarity, including cleaning up some structure, fixing mistakes, and clearing up the egregious typos throughout. Nothing will be changing in meaning, and if it does, I will let you all know in the next published chapter. If you wish to help me, feel free to send a (preferably polite) ask on my tumblr with the chapter number and general location. I've done 1 and 2 thus far. 
> 
> Thanks again!


	14. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ham and Noir wake up in a cell. The kids and B have a chat. Gwen and Miles come to an understanding. Barty knows he's close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for extreme pain descriptions
> 
> also for badly timed Vine references
> 
> Enjoy

Miles, Gwen, and B had ended up showing up to Peni’s an hour early, each citing an excuse that failed to hide their fear about this new threat. Someone had messaged Noir and Ham, letting them know they could come over whenever, but no one worried too much when they didn’t respond. Their universes were the epicenter of this, after all, so they figured they were making sure things were at least stable. 

Miles had brought his sketchbook and was taking random prompts from the other three, and the page was slowly filling up with random plants, city skylines, and a truly strange scene involving a walking trampoline from B’s latest dream. As he finished the latter, Miles looked up at B with a grin. “Any clue why this was in your subconscious? 

“No clue. My dreams are always weird as shit.”

“Language. God, B, I’m going to get stickers made-”

“We’re gonna have to change your nickname to Bleep!” called Peni from her computer. 

“Oh yes, and you all, the children of the party, are absolute _angels_.” B shook his head as the three teenagers gave him their best innocent faces. “Yeah, yeah, ok. Whatever. How are the calculations coming, Pen?” 

“They’re going. Give me like, five minutes, and the computer will start compiling things, and I’ll come over.”

“No worries, we’re not exactly doing groundbreaking stuff over here.” The three on the floor kept chatting as Peni typed furiously. “Any updates from your dimension, Gwen?”

“Not really, same kind of thing. My dad wants to have you all over again, though.”

“Hell yeah, his pancakes were great.”

“We’ll settle on a date when this whole thing is resolved.” An uneasy silence descended on the group at the mention of their current predicament. It was different from the Collider Incident, yes, but it had scary parallels, and that fight had almost gone very poorly for everyone involved. 

Miles was the one to actually voice their collective worries. “I know this is sounding like it’s gonna be like the thing from my dimension. But we have everyone, full power, and we have some warning.” He looked nervous too, but there was a determined set to his jaw that made the others feel better despite themselves. 

“You’re right, Miles. We’re tough, we’re the _Spider-Fam_. We got this.” B sat up and smiled. “What time is it?”

“Ten to eight.” Gwen looked up from her phone with a frown. “The other two are usually here by now.” 

“Maybe they’re busy?” B choked on his water when Miles said that, trying not to think about his conversation with Noir. 

“Yeah, I guess.” Gwen started typing on her phone and casually said, “I wonder if they’ve told each other.”

“Told each other what?”

“That they’re wildly in love with each other.” B’s eyes widened.

“You know about that?”

Miles laughed. “B, literally everyone, in every dimension, knows about that. Besides them, of course.”

Peni pressed one last key and pushed back from her desk to join the others. “Yeah, they are...far gone. I think I saw Ham’s eyes literally turn into hearts once.”

“That’s not a thing, Peni.”

“Oh, yeah. Ham, the talking pig with the magic hammer. He _definitely_ follows the usual rules.”

“Ok, fair.” B started laughing a little. “I talked with Noir about it, actually.”

“What did he say?”

“He doesn’t think Ham feels the same way.”

“Oh. My god.” Miles shook his head. “Knowing them, I bet Ham thinks the same thing.”

“Are all Spider-People like this?” Peni asked, exasperated. “Do I have to worry about this level of obtuseness when I enter the dating pool?”

“Well, actually-”

“B, I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me you didn’t pull this shit with MJ at the start.” B tried to look at Gwen, but realized she was right and looked away with a huff. “Thank you.”

“Well, I think I’ve got it down, thank you very much.”

“Oh yes, the shoulder touch was _foolproof_.”

“My hand getting caught in your hair was not my fault, ok-” As Gwen and Miles bickered, B turned to Peni and gestured at them.

“Look, I’m not saying you’re doomed to this, per say, but five out of six isn’t...the best odds.” Peni laughed. 

“Should we just tell them?” she asked. “Ham and Noir, I mean.”

Gwen smiled. “No, I want to see how long it takes them.”

“And, more importantly,” B said, “it’s healthier to let them figure it out. All joking aside, they’ll get there...eventually.”

“Fair enough, I guess.” Peni checked her watch. “Ok, it’s weird now. Neither of them have even messaged.”

“Gonna be honest, this is making me nervous.” Gwen started fidgeting with her hair as she explained, “The two guys who are the most involved aren’t in contact.”

Miles looked nervous now too. “Do you think they tried to take Kingpin alone?”

“Oh no…” Gwen stood up abruptly and started pacing. 

“Hey, y’all, I don’t think so.” B tried to sound reassuring as stood up to guide Gwen into a chair. “Look, they may be dumb about matters of the heart, but they do have some common sense. They wouldn’t go when they know they have all of us.”

“I hope so…” B looked around at the worried group, and it struck him, as it sometimes did, that these three were _children_ , and he felt his protective instinct turn up in his head. It didn’t help that he was the only adult present right now. 

“Look, let’s portal over to them, check on them. They’re probably just...sleeping. Ham had a rough day yesterday, he might have lost track of time.” The other three nodded at him, and he pulled his sleeve up a bit to get to his pendant. He tapped Ham’s face, and watched as a portal started forming. It sparked more than usual, he thought, and it seemed to wobble a bit when it formed. He tried not to react to it, wanting to seem calm for the kids.

They stepped into Ham’s living room and looked around. Ham was nowhere to be seen. Miles went upstairs to see if he was asleep, and the others wandered past the empty office and looked in the kitchen. Also empty. Miles came back down and reported that the bed was vacant, his suit was in a pile on the floor, and his phone and pendant were gone. 

“Think he went to Noir’s?”

“I guess so…” B led the group upstairs and grabbed Ham’s suit. “I want to have it on hand, in case things go to hell, you know?” B had a bad feeling tickling at the back of his head, and from the lack of yelling about his language, he suspected the others had the same instinct. 

As they got ready to portal to Noir, Miles said, “Maybe he went out here. Talked to Dani or something.” Everyone knew he didn’t believe the words, but they chose not to dispute them. It was a better outcome than the ones swirling through their heads.

Peni was the one to open the portal this time, and the four watched as the sparks flew off the black shapes. As the circle, started to open, however, they watched as it seemed to hit something, and colors wildly rippled through it. There was high-pitched sound as the colors swirled more, and they stepped back a little, before-

The portal opened to Noir’s living room. Peni slowly walked up to it and examined the edges, which were calm now. She carefully stuck her arm through the circle, and slowly breathed out when nothing strange happened. They all stepped through and stared at the other side of the portal, watching it shimmer innocently at them. 

“Let’s not close that. That was the weirdest it’s been.” The others nodded and started searching the apartment. Noir wasn’t in his room, or the kitchen. There were no clues of where he could be, and at this point that made them worry more. Two people didn’t just vanish, leaving houses that had no sign of anything…

Miles, who had absentmindedly lifted a rug corner, gasped. B hurried to his side, the other two not far behind. They looked at the bit of floor Miles had uncovered and saw a small, dark stain. B immediately moved the coffee table and they lifted more rug to find another, almost identical stain a few feet away. Peni pulled out a device and placed it over one of the dots. “Oh no…” B looked over her shoulder to see the screen flash **BLOOD, A+**. Then, it flashed again: **Match for 90214**. “That’s Noir’s dimension.”

Peni didn’t even have to scan the other, because as they looked at it closer, they could see it had the rusty color of blood that came out red, and they knew who it must have belonged to. “What the hell…”

Their Senses pinged on something on the other side of Noir’s front door, and they all turned in alarm. Rather than the expected knock, however, they heard the start of some kind of humming. Their senses started pinging more, telling them there were things everywhere, they were surrounded-

Suddenly, the portal in the center of the room started vibrating. They watched in horror as it started deforming, as if someone was pushing at its sides. “Go, go, get through!” B started herding the kids to the portal and they all jumped through back into Ham’s room, B barely making through before the circle snapped shut behind them. 

Gwen and Miles stayed seated on the floor, Miles burying his face in his knees. B felt off-kilter too, his sense still echoing from before. “Alright, everyone take a sec, let your Sense calm down.” He sat down with them and focused on his breathing, hoping they would copy him. After a few minutes of this, everyone looked less tense. 

“What’s the plan?” Miles had uncurled himself, and looked like he wanted to fight someone.

“I think we have to go find Noir and Ham. I was thinking we could call Doc Ock here, see if knows anything. Then we can take shifts in Noir’s universe, make sure no one stays there too long…”

“But, if we go back, whatever that was will just start again.” Gwen looked shaken still and Miles reached over and put an arm around her shoulders. 

“It took them a bit to start it up, though,” theorized Peni. “If whoever starts out just rushes them and gets out, we can just open portals from that side to safe places. Hopefully.”

“Alright. Ok. Let’s call Doc Ock, then we can organize shifts.” Everyone stood up and started downstairs. 

“Oh god…”

“What’s wrong, Miles?”

“How long has Ham been over there? He could start glitching.”

B’s face paled as he remembered how painful glitching had been in Miles’ dimension. “Fuck.” And no one even thought to correct him.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter was floating through a misty nothing, and for some reason couldn’t stop thinking about Noir. Well, that wasn’t weird in and of itself, but this felt different. There was an undercurrent of something...not good. He thought about that for a while, the word good. It was pronounced so _weird_ , it had two os, why was it-

A pulse of the same feeling resonated through the ill-defined landscape, and he was reminded of his original inquiry. Was it worry? Why was he worried about Noir? Were his feelings about the whole Dani situation mixing with his present? What was his present? That was something he wondered, but it was like that idea was behind an invisible wall.

No, he didn’t think it was worried. No, it was...even less good. What was the word? As he tried to remember the word for not good, he became aware of pain shooting up his back. What the hell did he do? He tried to reach back and feel for a bruise, or something, but found he couldn’t get his arms to move. Weird...That couldn’t be good. That would be-

 _Bad._ For whatever reason, the journey to that word yanked Peter into what he had to assume was consciousness, because the pain in his back grew, and he felt cold metal biting into his wrists. And he could see more than mist, and what he saw was, indeed, bad. He was in a small room, the only opening a barred door to his left. And across from him was Noir, who was staring out the door. His hands were shackled above his head, which Peter assumed was the same treatment he had received. He opened his mouth to speak, but found it to be incredibly dry, and he coughed instead, his head spinning from the exertion. 

Noir’s head snapped to look at Peter, and his face melted into a look of relief. “Ham, you’re awake.” Peter nodded as the coughing subsided. As he looked at Noir, the memory of being forced to the ground and given what must have been one hell of a sedative made itself known in head. 

“How long have I been out?”

“I don’t know, probably an hour after I woke up. I think they gave you the same dose as me.”

“That would explain why it feels like I’m incredibly hungover.” As Peter continued to wake up, he realized that his Sense was buzzing at something that was...everywhere. It felt the same as it had in Noir’s apartment, and it was a little dizzying. “Is your Sense going...absolutely batshit?”

“Yes. I think they have something to make it do that.” Noir had started looking around the room again, clearly trying to find a way out. Peter reached down to his chest, and failed to find the pendant that usually sat there.

“Shit. Did they take your pendant too?” Noir nodded. “Probably should have expected that.” Peter started trying to look at the cuffs around his wrists. They were thick, dark metal, and he knew even as he struggled against them that he couldn’t break them. He started running away from the wall, testing the anchor points behind him. He was yanked back into the wall, much to his back’s chagrin. “Looks like they put those tests to good use.”

Noir looked on as Peter sat back down. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine, I guess. My back hurts, buts that probably from sitting here for- _augh_.” As Peter spoke, a cold, sharp pain seemed to emanate from the center of his forehead. Noir sat up, concern painting his face. 

“What is it?”

“Do you know how long we’ve been here, like, total?”

“No, I-” Noir’s eyes widened as he realized what the question was really asking. “Are you getting a Pre-Glitch?” Peter nodded, wincing at the fading pain. No one had glitched since they started hopping dimensions again, but they had connected this headache pattern to how they felt back in Miles’ dimension that first time around. Before, it had simply been an indication they needed to head home from whatever they had been doing, but now…

“It feels like an early one, though. We probably still have a few hours, at the least…” Peter tried not to panic, but he couldn’t help feeling like he had the right to; he was chained up in a jail made specifically for him, his Sense was constantly buzzing, and he was on a one-way train to Glitchtown. He took some deep breaths, knowing that panicking, even though it sounded like a great course of action, would just make things worse. 

He looked back over at Noir, who was staring out the cell door again. “They came by about half an hour ago, but seemed to want you awake too.”

“Exciting. Probably didn’t want to meet without the promise of my well-known wit.” Noir smiled, and Peter felt a little better. If he could still make Noir smile, things would be ok. 

Down the hallway, they heard footsteps approaching. Peter, deciding he wasn’t a fan of sitting and waiting, called out, “Can I get a waffle? Can I PLEASE get a waffle?” Noir looked at him with confusion that was undercut by his giggling. “Look, I’m only going to talk in Vine references these motherfuckers won’t get, it’ll be great.”

“That is a strategy, I suppose.” Before Peter could reply, he saw a few figures appear at the door. Noir regarded them with a cool look. “Nice to see you again.”

“Is your little friend awake?” A head appeared at the bars and looked over into Peter’s corner. “Oh, delightful!” There was a clanging at the door and it slid open to reveal two men who stepped in and grinned at the two Spiders. “How are we doing in here?”

Noir looked up at them and calmly said, “How do you plan to address the gender disparity in your organization?” The men blinked at him. “I’ve tangled with a lot of your operation, and I don’t think I’ve seen a single woman.”

“What are you even asking for?”

“Well, we’re into the 30s now, are we not? It’s high time women were fully included in society, no?”

One of the men snickered. “What’s a dame gonna do in a place like this? We don’t got the time to hold her hand, you know?”

Peter looked up. “Four female ghostbusters? The feminists are taking over!” The two men looked flabbergasted as Noir joined him to sing, “I’m an adult virgin!”

“What the he-Cut that out! We’re here to talk to you!” Noir and Peter looked up innocently. “Alright, we got a deal for you. We’ll let you out if you’ll tell us how to get to your friends’ dimensions.” The man looked at Noir and Peter, who stared back, expressionless. “Well?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I was waiting for you to finish.”

“I was finished.”

“Well, it seems you forgot the bit where the deal is in any way palatable for us.”

“I mean, you get out. I think that’s your end of the deal.”

“Oh! Of course. So, to review, in exchange for our being released from this cell, the one we’re sitting in, we just have to turn in our literal, actual family to you. Am I getting that right?”

“Well-”

“I think we pass. Ham, does that _work_ for you?” Peter tried not to giggle at Noir’s slightly clumsy set up. 

“Uh, yeah, I sure HOPE it does!” Both Peter and Noir broke into a fit of laughter as their jailers stormed out of the cell in disgust. 

“Yeah, ok, laugh it up. But I don’t think you’ll be so happy in a few hours.”

“You get we’ve been held hostage before, right? Like, this isn’t new for us.”

“But I don’t think you’ve been held hostage in another dimension before.” Peter watched as Noir’s grin faltered. “We know what happens after long enough, you smug bastard. And time’s a’ ticking for Bacon over here.”

Peter could see Noir hesitating, so he spoke up, “We’re still not taking your deal, tough guy.”

The man slid the door shut with a cold grin. “Alright. Your call, I guess.” Peter waited until the footsteps disappeared before turning back to Noir.

“Hey, it’s gonna be ok. Don’t worry about me.” Noir nodded, but still looked concerned. Peter wished he could make him feel better, but he knew the only real way to do that was to not glitch, and if he could just choose that, it would solve a lot more problems than Noir’s fear. 

“Do you think the others know we’re gone yet?”

“No way to know, I guess. I would bet they started looking into it pretty quickly though. Heightened worry is good, sometimes, especially when you’ve been kidnapped.” Noir nodded, and Peter figured if he couldn’t avoid glitching, he might as well try to distract him. “Hey, thanks for the Work set up there.”

“It was good?” Peter nodded. “I’m glad. I wasn’t sure I was doing it right.”

“You were perfect.” And as Peter watched Noir’s face light up, he knew he had never said anything more truthful.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Barty stood by a row of computers and waited for Mandy to show up. She had texted him that there had been a report of other Spider-People in the other dimension, and that she would bring the details to him. He looked around the room of techs working on his greatest scheme to date, and tried to hold down the panic. He had seen the Doctor’s betrayal as a necessary kick in the pants at the time, a sign to stop lollygagging and start acting, but now...now that they had started moving, things kept popping up. They thought the bandage that was Protocol 63 would fix it, but then these other Spider-People show up and start mucking his plans up. He just wanted this to work, damn it. 

Mandy came into the room and spotted him. He walked towards her, and she indicated two empty chairs near the edge of the room. Once they were seated, Mandy started speaking. “Around 8:10 pm, the guys stationed by Black and White Spider’s place reported hearing some kind of disturbance inside. They turned on the Suppressor, waited a few minutes for it to start working, then went in, but no one was there.”

“What the hell? Are we sure that thing’s working?”

“They said it did in their tests. Anyway, about 45 minutes later, two colorful Spider-People came barreling out of the apartment and managed to get past the guys, and are now somewhere in the city.” Barty slammed a hand against the wall. 

“Fuck! Have they tracked them down yet?”

“Not yet. But, it’s now been five hours, and there’s no sign of them at Fisk’s either. We think they know Ham and the other were taken, but not where. Hopefully, having to look around another dimension will throw them off-kilter.”

“It better,” growled Barty. “Do you have any good news for me?”

“I do, actually. This job has taught me not to deliver bad news without good.” Barty rolled his eyes as she smiled self-indulgently. “The portal device should be ready to test at some point this afternoon, so we won’t have to keep those blasted Spiders busy long. The prisoners are still secure. They’ve apparently been acting up a little, but Ham has also been there for fifteen hours.” Barty slowly smiled as he realized what that meant. 

“So he’s gonna be hurting pretty soon.”

“If not already.”

Barty started laughing. “This job sure does have its perks.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Gwen and Miles crouched in an alley as yet another exhausted person trod past. While they had found dark clothes to go over their suits, they were still worried about drawing attention to themselves. Finally, the person disappeared from view, and the pair stood back up and kept walking. They didn’t have much of a plan beyond hoping their Senses might pick up on some of the weird shit the people who took their friends were working on, so they were trying to cover as much ground as possible.

“Do you believe in ghosts, Gwen?” Gwen looked over at Miles, clearly amused at the question. “That’s a non-sequitur, isn’t it?”

“I mean, yeah, but we’re also walking through a black and white New York from the 1930s. I think now’s as good a time as any for a non-sequitur.” They both laughed a little. “Let’s see, do I believe in ghosts…” Ghosts was a word that could have a lot of uses. She was pretty sure Miles meant it in the way of the spirits of dead people, of shrieks and items being pushed off tables. But that word had floated through her head in different ways: when she saw someone laying upside down in a chair, or when she heard a piece of advice he had given her, her Peter, in her head as if he was standing right there. Or when either of the new Peter’s would try to hide their snickers with a fake cough…

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “I...There’s certainly a lot of weird things in life, things we don’t know about. Ghosts could be one of them.”

Miles nodded. “I think they are. I’ve seen things…” As Miles trailed off, she noticed he was rubbing the back of his neck, and she remembered she wasn’t the only who had lost people. Even though she’d now had the Spider-Fam for months now, she still sometimes forgot that they shared so many things, especially the bad things. Closing herself off for so long before this had taught her to keep others at a distance, and having people who not only specifically brought her close, but that she actually wanted to have close was...new. Nice, of course. So nice, amazingly, breathtakingly nice. But still new, and something to get used to. She reached out and rubbed Miles’ shoulder a little. He looked over at her and grinned. 

“You wanna hear a ghost story?”

“Absolutely.”

“Ok, so I was like. 10, I think? And my bedroom had this weird door curtain that rattled if someone touched it, or walked through it.”

“Why did you have a door curtain?”

“I think it had the skyline of something on it, it was cool, don’t worry.”

Gwen laughed. “I wasn’t worried, I was just curious, you dork.”

Miles threw his hands up. “Alright, alright, I get it. Anyway, so, I’m lying in bed, right? And this was when my parents still came up and checked on me.”

“Miles, they still do.”

“That is beside the point.” As Gwen giggled and Miles kept gesturing as he explained the setting, she thought about how that opening up had been started by Miles back at the collider. How nice he’d been the whole time she knew him, how he’d tried to act suave and unaffected, but as soon as you got him talking, turned into a passionate, talkative ball of sunshine. And he’d kept being a lifeline for her. Whenever she started to want to pull away, he would help her come back on her own terms. She was so grateful for him.

“Anyway. So, weird curtain thing, right? I’m laying in bed, and I hear it make its noise, so I turn and see a figure standing in the doorway. Just standing. So I kind of mumble ‘hey’, like you do. It didn’t say anything. So I sit up a bit, and I suddenly feel a little jumpy, and I go ‘who are you?’”

“A normal thing to say at night.”

“Of course. And the figure just stands there, and then just...disappears. Melts away. The curtain rattles, everything. I lay there, frozen for a while. Then I go to where my parents are watching TV, and I ask if they had checked on me just then. You know what they said?”

“I’m guessing not yes?”

“Exactly!” As Miles described the ensuing conversation, Gwen thoughts turned to the conversation the Fam had before searching for Ham and Noir. About not talking about things. And she thought about how she’d realized a few months ago that she definitely liked Miles, but was scared. She hadn’t had so much as a lunch buddy for _years_ , and now, she suddenly had a crush? It would have frankly unacceptable, except it actually felt pretty nice. Except _except_ , she had no idea what to do about it. 

She had thought about talking about it with another member of the Fam, but had run into some problems. Peni had panicked and changed the subject when talk of celebrity crushes came up, so she didn’t want to bother her with this. And she talked with Ham more about existential questions usually, or photography. Bringing up something like this felt a little weird. And, just like with her nightmares, talking to either human Peter wouldn’t work. Her Peter had been her last crush, so…

She looked back over at Miles, who seemed to finishing up his story. “And B keeps saying that it was just sleep paralysis or something, but if it was that, why did I move? Huh?”

“Makes sense to me. That’s a spooky story, Miles.”

“Right? Like, what the hell was that thing? I mean, I guess it didn’t hurt me, so maybe it’s friendly?”

“Maybe you should try talking to it again. Maybe it’s ready to try communicating again.” As Gwen said this, she realized how similar it was to what she had been thinking about with this whole _liking people_ thing, whether it was friends or something else. She could talk about this more than once. 

Miles, being none the wiser to the thoughts swirling through Gwen’s head, nodded thoughtfully. “Maybe we can convince the others to do a seance!”

“Oh, I bet B would love that.”

“He’d complain the whole time about the science behind ghosts. Like, you have to try things if you wanna find ghost science!” 

“Put that on a T-shirt!” They both laughed, and Gwen decided her nerve couldn’t wait. “Hey, uh, Miles. Sorry for the hard turn, but could I talk to you about something?”

“Yeah, of course.” As Gwen tried to figure out how to phrase the next sentence, Miles asked, “Hey, you ok? You’re all hunched in on yourself, like when you’re super nervous.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m fine. It’s just...sorry, this is weird for me. Do remember the conversation we were having, with Peni and B?”

“Which one?”

“About Ham and Noir and...that kind of thing.”

Miles looked like he was thinking for a second. “You mean about-” His eyes widened and he stopped. “Oh no.”

Gwen’s heart skipped a beat. “Oh no?”

“I’m so sorry, I came on too strong, and I overstepped-”

“Miles, you’re fine, I-what?”

“-and I need to lay off, I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.” Gwen stared at Miles open mouthed. 

“Jesus...we all are astoundingly bad at this, aren’t we?” Miles eyebrows furrowed. 

“Wait...What?”

“Miles, I’m trying to say that I like you. Like you too, I guess.”

“Oh. OH.” He shuffled a bit, and nervously rubbed his head. “Cool. Cool, super cool.” He stared at her for a moment. “Can I be honest with you?”

“I mean, yeah. I just told you I liked you.”

“True, true. I, uh, I don’t entirely know what we do, like, now?”

“Me either.” They both stared at each other, then started to laugh. Gwen walked over to Miles and hugged him. “I guess this works out then, huh?”

“Yeah. Though, it might be a good idea to hash out details after all this is over.”

“Oh yeah, of course.” They stood like that for a while, their breath synchronizing. Even when they broke apart and kept walking, they were almost touching shoulders. 

They didn’t have to decide what they had yet. It was just nice to have it.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter didn’t know how long they’d been in the cell at that point, but he knew his headaches were getting worse. He had tried to hide this fact from Noir, so as not to worry him, but a particularly sharp one had made him groan, so now Noir was aware of his deteriorating condition. He honestly just wanted to curl up and go to sleep, but the constant buzzing of his Sense kept him slightly on edge, so he got to experience every pang his head sent out. Joy. 

The men from before had come by a couple more times, trying to get them to capitulate, and they had refused each time, though Peter could tell his friend had paused a second before doing so the last time to send a worried look at him. He wished he could reach out and take his hand and tell him it would be ok, that they would get out of this. Also, if he was being honest, just to hold his hand. He was scared and tired, and even if he didn’t feel the same way, it didn’t change how nice Noir’s hugs were. 

“How are you feeling, Ham? Honestly?” Peter looked at him and wished he could lie, to keep him from worrying for just a bit longer. 

But he also didn’t want to glitch without warning him, so he looked up and said, “I think we’re getting close.” Noir put his face in his hands. Peter tried to stop his brain from dwelling on the near future, but he felt his thoughts drifting back to memories of glitching. The pain was always the big one. It felt like he could feel every atom in his body, because every one of them started screaming. His vision went weird, violently flashing between blinding color and endless void, making his head ache even after the glitch had passed. And if he was swinging, or jumping, or doing anything, how he just started phasing in and out, falling through walkways or onto hard sidewalks…

 _Holy shit._ That was it. When he glitched, he could phase out of the cuffs. He had been thinking this whole time that he could make himself fit through the door’s bars, and once he was out, he could find their pendants, he could rescue Noir-

“Noir, I have a plan.” Noir looked up, excitement shining from his eyes. “When I glitch, I can get out of the manacles, or whatever these things are. Then-”

“No.” Peter looked at Noir, who had a determined expression. “I’m not letting you do that. I’ll make something up for the guards, see if they’ll let you go back to your dimension.”

“Not _letting_ me? Look, they’ll probably verify whatever you would give them, and if you lie, they’ll just punish you!” 

“Well, then I’ll be vague enough to not actually give anything away!” Peter looked at Noir in shock. “I can’t see you in pain like that, I just can’t.”

“And I can’t let you give up anything, even vague info! You’d never forgive yourself!”

“I don’t care, Ham, I just, I just-”

“-I do care, Noir, fucking hell, I can get better from injuries, you can’t-”

“Yes I can! I can compartmentalize-”

“Not in a healthy way, you can’t. Noir, I really appreciate this, but it’s not…” Ham felt his eyes fill with tears. “Please let me make this decision.”

Noir stared at Peter, tears streaking his face. “I...Ham, I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok.”

“I just, I don’t want to see you hurt, because, because-”

“I know, buddy, I-”

“-because I love you!”

A silence descended over the room at that. Peter felt like the ground was tilting beneath him. He tried to figure out what to say. There was so much running through his head, so many things he had thought for months and months, what could he possibly say? 

“What?” He winced. That was not it.

“Look,” Noir said, no longer looking at him, “I know you don’t feel like that, and that’s obviously fine-” Noir’s words finally caught up to Peter’s brain, and he interrupted him. 

“Wait, what are you talking about? You...you think I don’t like you?”

“Well, I know you like me, like, family, and stuff, but…” 

Peter felt a laugh bubbling up in his chest, but he pushed it down. “Noir, I have literally never liked someone more.” He watched as Noir slowly looked back up, his eyes wide. 

“Really?”

“Yeah. Whenever I see you, I...I don’t know. I’m in love. I guess.” Peter finally let out some of the laugh. “I just thought you wouldn’t-didn’t like me back.”

“Ham, I...I do. I like you so much.” The two stared at each other. “Well, uh…”

“We are really this dramatic, aren’t we? It takes a life-or-death situation to do this.” And finally Peter started laughing. Every time he had doubted that Noir felt the same, every time he’d gotten distracted by watching him explain something he loved, it all came rushing back, and now Noir was laughing too, and there was nothing more beautiful than this man laughing, and _holy shit he likes me too_ -

And then a headache blinded Peter, making him collapse to the floor. “Ham-” He vaguely heard Noir’s yell as he gasped for breath. God, if this was the preshow…

“I think it’s coming, Noir.”

“Are you sure about the plan?”

“Yeah. I think it’s our best shot.” Peter carefully sat up and pulled his hands forward until the cuffs were tight on the front of his wrist. He figured it would help his chances of getting out.

“Fuck. Ham, I love you so much.”

“I love you too. I-” And then the world was gone. He didn’t know if he was screaming, or if it was just the world shattering around him. Every part of him felt like it was in an endless cycle of fire and ice, constantly changing, always in pain. He didn’t know who he was, what he was, why he was, why couldn’t he just not be anymore, why why _why_ -

And then he was lying on the stone floor again, breathing like he’d run a marathon. He slowly felt his wrists, and smiled as he realized they were bare. He’d gotten out. He slowly stood up, and tried to ignore the world as it spun around him. He focused on Noir, who was sitting right there, staring at him, silently crying, and Peter realized he could walk to him, finally. He took one step, then another, then suddenly he had closed the distance between them and they were hugging, and crying, and then they were kissing, and holy _shit_ it was amazing. 

They finally broke apart and looked at each other. Peter finally stammered, “I have to go now. Gotta, like, save the multiverse, I guess.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll, uh. I’ll see you later. I guess.” 

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” Peter moved away and stood in front of the door. “We’re gonna win. And then we’re gonna go on a date. Ok?”

“Hell yeah.” Noir had a dazed smile on his face, and Peter had to focus in order not to just keep staring at it, and go to the door, and take a few breaths. He pushed all the air out of his lungs and squeezed through the bars, feeling himself stretching oddly to complete the task. Once he was through, he bounced back to his normal shape and turned around and gave Noir a thumbs up. 

“I’ll be back soon, ok?”

“Be careful.”

“I will be.” And Peter started running down the hallway, determined to keep that promise. 

He made it past about a dozen turns before it hit him. He suddenly felt so tired and sore, like his body had, in fact, phased in and out of existence at an atomic level. He almost fell, but held himself up on a wall. He had to keep going. He had to have that date with Noir. He had to...teach Peni how to drive. Did they have cars in her universe? Didn’t matter, this was his motivational monologue, damn it, he could teach Peni how to fucking drive. He had to see Noir again, and finally get that one drum technique down with Gwen, and see Noir again, and help Miles with his new piece, and try that hot dog place with B, and see Noir again-

He had to see his family again. So he made himself keep running, and running. Around the next corner he heard the familiar voice of one of the men who came and harassed them in the cell. He slowed down and carefully peeked around. He watched the man walk out of a room and walk in the other direction, and Peter hurried over and looked in the door. It looked like an office, complete with chair, desk, filing cabinet-

Peter almost cried out when he saw a pop of color on the desk under some papers. He stumbled over and grabbed it and yes, it was his pendant, and Noir’s was underneath. He grabbed them both and tried to use his to open a portal, but the same thing from Noir’s place happened. Fuck. 

He opened the group chat, and saw a number of unread messages, each increasingly more worried. Hoping that meant he could send messages, he started typing-

-and glitched again. He came out of it leaning heavily on the desk, the two pendants clutched tightly, almost painfully, in his hand. He was even more tired than before, and he could see the edges of his vision darkening. He lifted the pendant again and tried to figure out what to type. How could he get help here, when he didn’t know where here was? He looked up and finally noticed a window behind the filing cabinet he hadn’t seen before. He shakily walked over to it and looked out. The growing daylight was illuminating a sign that read ‘Maxwell’s’. He didn’t know what that was, he didn’t know if it was a common sign, all he knew was that he could feel himself fading fast, so he quickly typed:

> Noir and I taken. Maxwell’s sign outside. Please hurry. I’m glitching.

He reached out and tried to open the window. It slid open, sticking slightly a few times. He carefully climbed out and started trying to climb down. Maybe if he could get far enough away, he could portal to safety and-

Glitch. It passed quickly, or not, he didn’t know, but then he was falling, and he tried to shoot a web, but his slingers were gone, taken, so he was falling and the world was going dark. 

His last thought was of Noir, and how he hoped he would see him again.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The four non-kidnapped Spider-People were in an alley trading shifts. They were all exhausted, because even when they weren’t walking the streets, they were up at home, worrying about their friends. They were getting desperate; they didn’t know what was happening with Kingpin, they didn’t know how long they’d been held, and they were scared. 

Suddenly, their pendants all vibrated at once. They grabbed them and read the message on it, eyes widening. Miles was the first to start moving, running out of the alley and grabbing the first person he saw. “Maxwell’s, I need to find Maxwell’s.” The person pointed in a direction, at which point the others had caught up in time to thank them profusely and start running as a group in that direction.

A few blocks later, they saw the sign and felt the slightest ping from their Senses. This had to be it. But which building? As they walked, scanning every window, door, and alley, Gwen noticed a weird shape next to a tall, uniform structure. A weird, _pink_ shape. 

They ran over and sure enough, it was Ham, lying unconscious in the dirt. They looked up to see a window open on the third story, and figured that was where he had fallen from. As they checked him over, his eyes opened. 

“Holy shit.”

“Are you ok?”

“Been better, but we don’t have time. We have to get in there.”

“But you said you were glitching-”

“We have to get in there, I’ll be fine.” And they knew there was no persuading him, because a member of their family in that building, and they would all move mountains to save him. So they started climbing the building, their Senses getting louder and louder, and they all knew that this was it. 

It was time to save the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COOL FUN TIMES HERE AT ONE-TRUE-HOUSELIGHT INC
> 
> Thank you all so much for being here! Still working on editing previous chapters, will let you know if there are substantial changes. 
> 
> have a good day!


	15. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Spider-Fam try to save the world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Enjoy!

Peter watched Ham go, and he couldn’t stop smiling. All the times he thought about telling him, it had certainly been in better circumstances than this, but the circumstances didn’t mean _shit_ when the response had been so good. He couldn’t believe he felt the same way. When he’d gone through this in his head, the best case scenario had been Ham letting him down easy. The _best_. And now-

His ecstatic thoughts were popped as he remembered Ham lying on the floor, convulsing as he glitched, and screaming, the screaming was so bad he-

Peter felt himself crying again. He could only hope that watching the love of his life in that much pain would be the worst moment of his life. As he calmed down, his thoughts drifted to what had happened right after Ham had glitched, and he felt himself go warm. He hoped that wasn’t the best moment of his life, because he wanted that to happen a lot more. 

He quickly wiped the remaining tears from his face as he heard footsteps walking down the hallway, and he held his breath, hoping against hope it would be Ham, grinning maniacally, holding a set of keys he’d somehow stolen. To his dismay, he watched as one of the men from before come into view. He really didn’t need him coming in so soon after Ham had escaped, he wanted to give him time to get out. Thoughts racing, he called out, “Hey, uh, I got sick. You might not want to come in.”

The footsteps stopped. “You fucking _puked_?”

“I’m afraid so.” There was some muffled cursing down the hall. “I’d love to help clean up, but you do have me chained to a wall.”

“Shut up. I’m gonna go find some sawdust or something.” And, to Peter’s relief, the footsteps faded as they walked away. He quickly started planning what to do when Ham got back. He didn’t need web shooters like the others, so the only thing his suit would have done for him was anonymity, and he supposed that cat was out of the bag in a big way. So he just had to fight. Alright. He was a little sore from sitting with his arms shackled, and now that he was thinking about it, he was hungry as hell. Maybe when they messaged the others, he could ask for a snack, like one of the breakfast bar things Ham gave him occasionally.

“Good news, you pricks, we had some sawdust ready for one of you to get-” Peter looked up as he heard the voice coming, but it was too late to try to distract the man as he appeared in the doorway. “-hey, where’s the sick?” He looked around the cell, and his eyes widened as he realized it was a prisoner light. “Well, shit.”

“Things aren’t looking too good for ya, are they?”

 

The man slowly reached into his pocket and unlocked the door. “Yeah, they’re really not, buddy. But luckily for me…” He walked over to Peter and kicked him in the ribs. Hard. “They’re gonna look a lot worse for you.” Peter doubled over, and the man kicked him in the side, pushing him over. 

“Oh yeah, beating up a shackled man, real brave.”

“I don’t give a shit about bravery, Spider-Man. I just care about paying you back for all the times you fucked us over.” Peter tried not to cry out as he was roughly pulled up and punched in the face. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna kill you. The boss says that’s for him to do.”

“I’m honored, I assure you.” The man shoved him into the wall and pulled his fist back for another hit. Peter closed his eyes, resigned to his fate. After the punch didn’t come though, he opened his eyes to see the man looking at his hand in confusion. He seemed to be trying to move it, but it was slowly turning towards his own face, as if moved by an invisible force. 

As Peter realized what was happening, the fist punched the man, and two webs shot from the open doorway, pulling him to the ground. A red and blue blur ran in and kicked him in the stomach, yelling, “TAKE THAT YOU TURTLE SLAPPER!”

“Ham, we’ve talked about that one-”

“Ah, shush Buzzkill, it’s fun.” As Ham grinned at Peter, Miles popped back into view, and the rest of the Spider-Fam stepped into the cell. Ham started searching the downed man’s pockets. 

“How...how did you all get here so fast?” 

“We had been searching this dimension through last night, and got Ham’s message when we were changing shifts.” 

“I’m glad it was coherent, I’m not exactly thinking straight-” As Ham pulled keys out of the man’s pocket, he glitched for a split second, stumbling to the ground. “Shit. Though, I suppose I uh, don’t usually think straight…” And he winked at Peter as he walked over and started undoing his shackles. Peter felt his face heat up a bit as B gasped. 

“You told each other?”

“Well, I told him, because I was worried about him-”

“And I agreed, I guess? Does that work?” Ham had freed one hand and was working on the other one as B cheered. 

“Finally! I’m so glad, you two!” Peter smiled at B as Ham got the second shackle undone. As Peter massaged his wrists, he looked at Ham standing in front of him. He looked so tired, and Peter reached out and cupped his cheek in his hands. 

Then they started kissing, and he vaguely heard B laugh, and Miles say, “Uh...are we doing this now? Gwen?”

“Not right now Miles.”

“Wait, you two talked _too_? I take it all back, Spiders are great at this, as long as they’re in the middle of a dangerous mission, holy shit…” Peter started laughing at that, and so was Ham and they were just hugging at that point. “Alright, while I hate to break up this tender moment, I don’t want someone else coming down here.”

“Of course, I’m sorry.” Peter stood up and tried to hide his knees buckling a little from not being used. “So what’s the plan?”

“I mean, I think it’s stop them from flipping on that portal device, and take it a dimension at a time. Maybe we can split up-”

“No. We should stay together. The portals and our Sense have been acting up, and I don’t want anything to happen.” B nodded at Miles. 

“Fair enough. Noir, Ham, either of you have any idea where they’re working on this shit?” As they talked, the man on the ground started to stir. 

“Why don’t we ask him?” The Fam turned as the man slowly sat up and looked around. He screamed and pulled his gun, clearly not prepared to see six people standing in the cell, let alone one who looked just like his Peter Parker. 

Peter rolled his eyes and neatly webbed the gun away from him. “If I can’t have my gun, you can’t have yours.” The man, clearly recognizing he was outnumbered, slowly put his hands up. “Alright, here’s a deal you’ll be proud of. How about you show us where you all are working, and we won’t hurt you very badly?”

The man shakily gestured towards the hallway. “Make three rights, go up two flights of stairs, a left, a right, second door on the left.”

Ham looked over at Peter. “I still want to hurt him very badly, though.”

“Ham,” B said with a warning look. “Let’s just chain him up. Remember, no revenge quests.”

“Fine.” Peter and Ham dragged the man (who clearly did not have the ability to stand at that moment) to the wall and locked him in the shackles. Ham pulled him close and whispered, “Don’t you ever even _look_ funny at him again.” The man nodded. 

As Peter and Ham turned around, they saw B looking concerned. “What’s wrong?”

“I think I forgot his directions.”

“Well, if you just unchain me, I could-”

“I recorded it, don’t worry.” Peni had popped out of Sp//dr to tell them that, and gave B a thumbs up as she disappeared back into the mech. 

“Well, uh...let’s go then. Time’s a wastin’.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Frank was tired. He had been dealing with the prisoners for over 24 hours now, and he was tired of their constant dumb remarks. What even was a ghostbuster? And Fisk was angry at him for them not taking the deal. It wasn’t his fault! He walked into his office, trying to figure out a way to get those two fucking spiders to cooperate. 

As he sat at the desk, he realized something felt off about the space. He squinted at the piles of papers in the ray of sun from the open window-

 _Shit_. Why was the window open? He looked at it in dismay, then back at the desk. Wait. There were only papers on the desk. The weird pendants and bracelets they had taken off the spiders were gone. That couldn’t be good…

He hurried over to the cell, hoping that someone had just taken off his desk to research them or something, that had to be it, right? God, where was Tim-

“Hey, someone get me out of here!” Frank’s heart dropped as he heard Tim’s voice echo from the direction of the cell. 

“I’m coming, Tim, wait a second.” He rounded the last corner and saw the door to the cell shut. He slowly peered in, and saw Tim chained up where the pig had been, a black eye blooming on his face. The spiders were nowhere to be found. “Tim, what the fuck happened?” 

“Came in, the pig was gone, then he shows back up with four other people. One of them turned invisible?”

“What?”

“I don’t know, man. I told them where the stuff is happening. Figured at this point, not my problem anymore.” Frank walked over and started unlocking Tim as he continued, “Look, I think we should cut our losses. Those guys seemed like they meant business.”

“I’m starting to think the same thing. Fisk might have finally bitten off more than he can chew…”

~~~~~~~~~~

The Fam hurried down the hall, and Peter hoped they weren’t too late. Peni had filled them in on what her calculations had come up with, and if the technology the Doctor had scanned was turned on, it could be messy…

They paused outside the door and looked at each other. “Are we ready?”

“I don’t think it matters.” 

“Yeah. Ham, you doing ok?”

“Oh, you know. Fit as a-” He glitched, curling in on himself while trying to stay on his feet. Peter crouched down and gently put a hand on his back as he recovered. “...I’ll be fine.”

B stared at him for a moment, clearly worried about sending Ham in when he was like this. But, Ham’s determined expression seemed to convince him, because he nodded and kicked the door in. 

The large room full of people glanced up, then actually looked up in horror as the Fam ran in. “Do not turn that thing on!” The room stared at Peter, and he suddenly felt a little self-conscious being the only Spider in civilian clothes. “Look, I don’t know how involved you all are in this, but that could cause-”

“Oh, Spider-Man. So glad you could join us. And you brought some friends, I see.” Fisk had stood up from a desk across the room, and the Fam jumped a little. “See, I think you need to get a different perspective. I’m just trying to advance some scientific understanding.”

“Yeah, and you’re going to get people killed!”

“That was the plan. Specifically you and your friends, though I’m not entirely sure you count as people. You’re more like nuisances, pests to be exterminated.”

“Well, that’s rude.” Fisk turned to Ham and grinned. 

“Oh, of course. I apologize, I forgot we had a pig in the audience. Don’t worry, I intend to treat you just the same as the others.”

“Alright, we’re done here.” B webbed a table near Fisk and pulled it, sending papers flying everywhere. “Look, as much as I love the art form of villain monologues, I’ve been hearing them now for 22 damn years, and I think it’ll be easier if we just fast forward to us stopping you.”

Fisk hadn’t moved when the table went flying, and he started laughing as papers fluttered around him. “I like your style. If you’ll just give me a moment, we can start.” He turned to a group of people at a bank of computers. “Fire it up.”

“No!” But even as three different webs flew towards them, the towers Peter had seen earlier started humming. Black blobs began forming between them as the Fam charged Fisk. A lot of the workers between them and Kingpin jumped out of the way, clearly not prepared to fight. But a few pulled out guns and tried to take shots at the swinging spiders. Peter flipped up to avoid the bullets and landed in front of Fisk. 

“Oh, hi Peter. Ben says hi.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Peter neatly dodged Fisk’s punch and managed to get in one of his own.

“He’s the one who told us who you were, you know that?” Peter felt his anger rising as he tried to sweep Fisk’s legs from under him. Fisk sidestepped him and grabbed him by the head and tossed him to the side. As Peter stood up, he saw that the black blobs had subsided, and a glowing circle stood in the middle of the room. Nothing seemed to be going catastrophically wrong, which he supposed was a good sign-

“Well, it looks like we have a party going on!” A large polar bear stepped through the portal, followed by a number of other animals Peter didn’t have a chance to identify before his Sense warned him of an incoming attack. He spun out of the way and entered back into combat with Fisk. After trading blows for a bit, Fisk managed to kick him in the kneecap, and Peter felt himself buckle and stumble. 

“Oh no you don’t-” From above him, Peter heard Fisk cry out in surprise, and when he looked up, Ham was on Fisk’s shoulders and was beating him with his hammer. When Fisk tried to reach up to hit him, Peter quickly webbed his hand and pulled. Fisk tumbled to the floor, and Ham hopped off and helped Peter back up. “How’re you doing, big guy?”

B ran past and yelled, “Stop flirting!”

“Fine!” Peter and Ham watched as a worker who had been hiding under a desk popped up and aimed his gun wildly. “Noir, what is it with this dimension and guns?”

Peter shrugged as they effortlessly pulled the gun from his hand and webbed the hand to the desk. They quickly surveyed the battlefield and saw that Gwen, Miles, and Peni were battling the newcomers from Ham’s dimension, and B was trying to keep Peter’s enemies from shooting anyone. “Let’s discuss that after we disarm them.”

“Good plan.” Ham and Peter split up at that point, taking different sides of the group shooting at the rest of the Fam. Peter webbed two people and slammed them into each other, knocking them both unconscious. When a third person turned towards him, he threw himself at them and kicked them in the face, knocking a fourth guy off balance. As he turned to yet another shooter, B dropped out of the sky and landed on him. He kicked the gun from his limp hand, and nodded at Peter. 

“I think things are going ok-” He was cut off by a large figure grabbing him by the throat and picking him up. Fisk was back, and he was playing for keeps. As B struggled, Peter ran over and shoulder-checked Fisk as hard as he could. Fisk stumbled, way less than Peter would have liked, but enough that Peter was able to connect his foot with Fisk’s gut. B dropped to the ground as the man holding him doubled over, and B and Peter started webbing his legs together. 

Fisk desperately tried to break free, but overbalanced himself and fell over. B started webbing him more while yelling, “Go help the others, I got this!” Peter nodded and ran for the center of the room, where the three spider-kids were dancing around the portal, fighting at least nine separate animals from Ham’s dimension, including the polar bear Peter assumed was the Pinhead. 

Peter reached Gwen first, who was fighting three perps at once. He shot a web to the ceiling and swung at one of them, knocking one of them out of the way. They went crashing into the tables, causing more papers to fly around. With one enemy gone, Gwen was able to flip out of the way of a punch and web them so they punched their companion instead. Satisfied that she had it handled, Peter turned to where Miles had three of his own combatants. 

He watched as an otter tried to roundhouse kick Miles, only to have the young spider vanish. The otter teetered a bit, trying to balance on one leg, when their other leg was suddenly forced upwards, sending them tumbling backwards. Another one doubled over as Miles reappeared and punched him in the stomach. Peter turned to Peni, who had one guy wrapped completely in webs, and was about to knock the other out. He realized he hadn’t seen the Pinhead in a awhile, or Ham-

“Hey! Spiders!” Peter turned to see the Pinhead of Crime holding a struggling Ham next to the portal. “Dinner’s about to be served!” Peter started sprinting for the portal as Pinhead stepped through, clearly laughing. He leapt through the portal into a colorful laboratory, where he saw even more technology than in his world. The Pinhead was holding Ham high in the air and looking at Peter, grinning lazily. 

“Glad you could join us. I’ve been working really hard on this recipe-” Without warning, Ham glitched, and the bear tried to catch him as he tumbled out of his hands. Before he could pick him back up, Peter ran up and tackled him, and they rolled away from where Ham was laying. Peter had the breath knocked out of him as he was punched in the stomach, but he shot a web and swung back at Pinhead, knocking him into a row of tables. Something flew over his head, and he saw a white and pink blur cannonball into the polar bear, and Gwen was dealing blow after blow, dodging the returning punches until-

She was thrown backwards, and Peter stood back up, breathing heavily as the Pinhead pulled himself to his feet. Peter vaguely heard fighting behind him, and he assumed the others had joined him on this side, but he blocked it out as he ran forward to continue fighting. He webbed both of Pinhead’s shoulders and yanked them to his left, making him lurch to the side. He ripped the webs off his shoulders and ran at Peter. As they tried to hit the other, a gazelle crackling with electricity flew over Peter’s head into the Pinhead’s chest. 

As the polar bear was pushed backwards, a web shot out and wrapped around his leg, pulling him off his feet. Miles and Peni appeared and jumped on top of him, shooting webs to try and keep him on the ground. The Pinhead roared and threw them both off of him and stood back up, clearly not even tired. 

“Six spiders aren’t enough to take down me, the Pinhead of Cr-” His face suddenly went slack, and his whole body started convulsing as he slumped to the floor. Peter stepped back, confused. Miles was still picking himself up from where he’d been tossed, so how-

A mongoose walked around slowly from where she had been concealed by the polar bear. “Barty really was a smug bastard, wasn’t he?” Peter saw she was holding what looked like a small gun with bright yellow accents. It had two wires coming out of it that seemed to be stuck in the Pinhead’s back. “Hey, all of you, quit it.” The sounds of fighting slowly came to a halt behind Peter, and a few animals walked over to stand with her. 

“What the hell?” B had come to stand next to Peter, and was regarding the new mongoose with confusion. “Don’t you work for him?”

“I did, yes. I became...dissatisfied with his leadership, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. Most of the rest of the organization agreed with me.” She didn’t say anything, but Peter assumed from her tone that the ones who hadn’t weren’t having a great day. 

Peni walked over, a little dazed. “So, you’re shutting this whole thing down? It’s over?” The mongoose started laughing, and the Fam could tell something was about to happen. 

“Oh god no. This whole thing was too _small_ , if anything. That’s one of the reasons I’m overthrowing Barty, he didn’t know how to think big, how to expand.”

“With all due respect, Ma’am,” Peter said, raising his fists, “we can’t let you do that.”

“Oh, I was hoping you wouldn’t say that.” The whole Fam got into a fighting stance, which made her raise a hand that wasn’t holding the wire-gun. “Wait. I don’t want to fight you. I understand we stand on different sides a lot, but I don’t have the same fixation Barty had on you! I’m perfectly willing to go our separate ways, and fight another day. What do you say to that, Spider-Ham?”

“Go take a long jump.” As Ham’s voice weakly called out from behind him, Peter realized that Ham was the only spider not standing with them. He turned around and saw Ham sitting up where the Pinhead had dropped him. He took a step towards him, but Ham waved him off. “I’m fine. And, uh, whatever your name is-”

“Mandy.”

“-Mandy, great. Mandy. We can’t just let you go punching holes in the fabric of reality.”

“Oh yes, and you six are so innocent in that regard.”

“We have some sense of safety,” said Peni. “I have readings from your tech, and it could cause some serious problems across the whole multiverse.”

Mandy rolled her eyes. “Christ, you sound like Doc Ock. He was all ‘particle limits’ this, and ‘quantum maximizer’ that. There were so many restrictions, and we realized we could do so much more if we didn’t stay married to them! Barty insisted on following to the letter of course. Like I said, not one for experimentation-”

“We heard you the first time.” 

“Of course. Well, it seems you all aren’t going to accept my proposal to walk away from this?”

“That’s gonna be a no from me.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Get bent, lady.”

Mandy laughed quietly at the defiant faces in front of her. “Then I suppose it’s time for Plan B.” At that, the animals who had been fighting before lunged at the collected spiders, and more poured in from the sides of the room. The Fam got themselves into a circle facing out and started trying to fight their way to Mandy. Peter watched as Ham swung overhead, forgotten by their assailants. 

As Peter fought off the crowd in front of him, he heard Ham call out, “I can’t let you do this.”

“Oh, I don’t need your permission, Spider-Ham. How’s Dani doing by the way?” Peter heard Ham cry out in anger, and was forced to stop listening when three attackers tried to kick his head in at once. 

B yelled, “Guys, keep moving forward, we have to stop-” A bright flash of light engulfed the room, and it sounded like a few trains had careened into the room with their horns blaring. Most of the room, hero and villain alike, stopped fighting and clapped their hands over their ears as the sound reverberated through their skulls, and as the light faded, Peter could see that crackling colors were whizzing around the room. With his hands over his ears, his teeth grinding together, Peter waded through the crowd of people to where Mandy stood over a computer, grinning. 

“You can’t stop it now. I’ve locked it.” 

Ham stood up from where he’d been bowled over and advanced on Mandy. “Look at this, you think this is good? You-” And then he glitched, and this one seemed worse than before. While Mandy was distracted, Peter punched her in the face, knocking her back onto the keyboard. Something flashed on the screen, and there a woosh behind him. He turned as Mandy groaned to see a large, sparkling portal hanging over the large group of fighters. It seemed to be spinning, and Peter watched with horror as some of the animals started being pulled into its mouth. The other members of the Fam, recognizing what was happening, scrambled away, and it seemed the force wasn’t strong enough to pull them in. 

“Hmm.” Peter swung back around to watch Mandy type something into the keyboard. As she did so, another wooshing sound behind him led him to believe she had closed the portal. “Some adjustments needed, such as having you not punch me into the keyboard.” Without turning, her leg kicked out and nailed Peter in the ankle, and he dropped to the ground, putting him next to Ham, who was still recovering from-

His glitch. Why was he glitching? He was in his dimension. Ham groggily opened his eyes, and stared at Peter’s frightened face. “I don’t know why I’m glitching. Maybe I overdid it, maybe it’s permanent.” 

“Oh god…” At that point, they could hear fighting start up again, and Peter felt a hand grab the back of his collar. 

“Don’t think we forgot about you, Uncle Henry.” Peter was flung back towards the writhing group, and he quickly shot a web to try and swing back at Mandy. She was now flanked by two beefy caribou as she typed, and Peter could see one of them had picked up Ham. 

“Really, a Lizard of Oz reference? Ack-” And he glitched again, and the caribou dropped him in surprise. Once he stopped, Ham crawled away from the computers and stood up shakily. He looked up at Peter, who had landed next to him, and said, “We have to help the others, we can’t take her alone, especially not-” And he glitched, just for a second, and Peter helped steady him. “Not...when I’m like this.” Peter nodded, fear roiling in his gut. 

The two ran back to the big group, and dived in, punching and kicking at anything that wasn’t attached to one of their friends. A whoosh sounded right next to Peter as he was grabbed from behind, and a portal opened. Peter struggled to escape from the choke hold, but before he could, he felt himself get sucked into the portal, and then the hold broke, because he and whoever had been on him were falling…

Peter shot a web at the first thing he saw, a stone building in front of a hazy, lavender sky. As he started to swing, he vaguely recognized this as Gwen’s dimension. Exciting...He looked down to see a figure falling, and knew he didn’t want to kill anyone today. He shot another web, and once it had caught the figure, pulled up and towards the portal. He watched as they flew up, arms flailing, and disappeared through the portal. He felt himself be pulled along with them, and he drank in the soft colors of this dimension before being flung back into the frenzy. Portals had opened around the room, and Peter watched as people fought (not always successfully) to avoid being sucked in. Across the room, B flew back in from another portal, wrestling with some kind of cat. 

He looked over to see Peni engaged with at least four assorted animals, and she didn’t seem to be finding the upper hand. Peter ran over and kicked one in the chest as hard as he could, and they went flying across the room into an open portal. Oops. He turned and started fighting alongside Peni, and they were able to clear out the combatants. Peni’s voice echoed from inside Sp//dr saying, “Noir, we have to shut that thing down. The readings in here are bad, and getting worse.”

“We need to tell the others, focus our energy on Mandy.”

“You get B and Ham, I’ll get the others.” With that, Sp//dr ran off towards where Miles and Gwen were fighting back to back. Peter looked around and saw B manage to web up the cat, and he ran over as B stood up straight. 

“B, Peni says we have to shut this down-”

“I know. Can’t you feel it?” And as B said that, Peter realized he had a pre-glitch headache pulsing behind his eyes. “It’s getting worse faster than usual too.”

“Shit.” They both turned around and looked at Mandy. A few more animals has taken up post around her now. “We have to find Ham.”

“I think I saw him flying through that portal a few seconds ago-” The two Peters watched as a large eagle flew back through the portal B had indicated, Ham fighting in his claws. Without thinking, they shot a web at the wings, causing the eagle to crash spectacularly into the floor. Ham rolled away and bounced up, but as Peter ran over, he could tell he was still shaking.

“Ham, we have to focus our energy on Mandy, whatever this is making all of us get pre-glitches.”

“Is that why I’m still glitching?”

“Let’s hope so.” At that point, they were joined by the other three spiders, and they started advancing towards the computers. They didn’t have a plan, but they all knew there wasn’t time to make one. They just hoped there was time to stop it. 

They started fighting the assembled animals, and were surprised when they started melting away of their accord. Given their horrified expressions, they seemed to no longer want to be a part of this project, now that they were seeing it. Unfortunately, they weren’t turning around to help stop it either, so the Fam had to keep moving towards Mandy alone. 

“Mandy, please, stop this!”

“No! I’ve come too far!” To Peter’s surprise, her voice sounded strained, and a thought occurred to him. 

“Mandy, are you getting a headache? Right between the eyes?”

Miles, seemingly realizing where he was going, added, “Like a shard of ice that won’t melt?”

“What’s it to you?” Her voice sounded less and less assured. 

“That’s what it feels like when you’re about to glitch. Whatever you’re doing, it’s messing with everyone’s atoms. A lot. And we don’t know how far this is spreading.”

“I...I can fix this.” And she started typing as the caribou started holding their heads and staggering away. 

“Yeah, but you have to shut it down.”

“No! I-” And suddenly, Mandy glitched. The Fam stepped back a little as she screamed and fell to her knees, and when it finally stopped, she was left unconscious on the ground. Peni ran over and started typing furiously, and the Fam knew she was probably the only one who could figure this one out. Peter felt a sudden weight on the side of his leg. He looked down to see Ham had slumped over, fighting for consciousness. Peter leaned down and picked him up, hugging him close. 

“Noir, I…” And Ham groaned as he glitched just a little. He slowly pulled up his mask, and Peter tried not to gasp at the dark bags under his eyes. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry…”

“I love you too, and don’t apologize.” Peter felt himself tearing up, and he desperately tried to avoid it. “It’s gonna be fine, Peni’s gonna fix it.”

Ham nodded. “I don’t know if I can...stay awake much longer.”

“That’s ok. That’s fine. I’ve got you.” And Peter held Ham as his eyes closed, and he looked back up to see Peni squinting at the screen. 

“Hey, guys...I think we all need to head home. I can time this to turn off after we’re through, but I don’t know if we’ll be able to open portals again when it does. At least, not right away.”

“What?” Before she could explain, a headache rocked through the Fam. 

“We don’t have time. I’ll start the program.” B looked around and gathered everyone into a hug, including the still typing Peni.

“It’s gonna be ok. We’ll figure it out, whatever happens.” Everyone nodded, and tears were falling down everyone’s face. 

“Is Ham gonna be ok?”

“I don’t know. Hopefully he’ll start recovering when this damn thing gets shut down, but…” Peter looked down at Ham, who was out cold. “He’ll be fine. He always is.” That didn’t feel like enough of an answer, but Peni looked up and nodded at that point. So he kissed Ham’s forehead and gently set him down. A part of him wanted to stay, no matter the portals, but he knew that would be stupid. He needed to be around when Ham got better. Because he would. 

That didn’t make it hurt less, though, when he found his portal and looked around one last time at his family. “I love you all. So much.”

“You too.”

“We’ll see each other again, ok? I promise.” 

“We have to go, now.” Peter waved one last time and stepped through his portal, and turned around just in time to see it wobble violently once, twice…

And then close with a pop. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Peter felt himself slide back into consciousness, and then wished he hadn’t. Everything hurt. Parts of his body he hadn’t known existed hurt. He groaned a bit and curled up, trying not to throw up. Christ, he felt awful. And yet...he realized something was, in fact, different. He didn’t feel glitchy anymore. He laid there in the fetal position for a bit, counting slowly to himself. When he didn’t glitch, he almost cheered, but he figured that would make his head spin. Take things slowly, he figured, that was the key.

Through the haze of pain, he heard a pounding at the door. “Police, police, what the FUCK is going on in there?” _For the love of-_ He slowly stood up and waited to let the world stop spinning violently before shuffling to the door. When he managed to pull it open, he was almost pleased to see the face of Officer DeSpoto. He didn’t have to try and clean this shit up. “Ham, why the hell are we always meeting like this?”

“I don’t know, Officer. Unfortunately, I’m taken, so we can’t explore that route-”

“Shut up. The whole town’s been having headaches, some weird looking creatures kept popping out of glowing circles, and some kind of god awful noise has been coming from this building. What’s going on?”

“I’m gonna be honest, I am not the guy to ask. The mongoose over there is the one you wanna talk to. Can I go?”

“Ham, I have a long list of questions for you-”

“Ok, here are your answers: Yes, yes, no, absolutely not, that’s forward of you, your mother, Left, Purple, no.” As Ham pushed past the police gathered behind the chief, he ignored the calls for him to come back. He would see the dog again, and would deal with this then. He felt a wave of vertigo wash over him, and he almost crashed into a wall. Perhaps his plan to swing home wasn’t the best idea. 

Normally, he would call Dani, but he knew that wasn’t an option right now. He was almost tempted to call a taxi, but he didn't think he had the wherewithal to change out of his suit. He was stumbling down the stairs when he had an idea: Hannah. At this point, he was ok telling her his secret identity, and the list of people who he felt that way about wasn’t particularly long. So he pulled out his phone and dialled her number. When she picked up, he quickly said, “Hey, Hannah. Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you could come pick me up.”

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, mostly. I’m at 73rd and D, and Hannah?”

“Yes?”

“I...I’ll explain when you get here.”

There was a pause. Just as Peter was getting worried, he heard, “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” He hung up and continued trying to make his way to some kind of exit. After a few false starts, he finally walked out into blinding sunlight. It made his head hurt, and he wished he had some sunglasses. He saw a gaggle of reporters to the left, so he went in the other direction, keeping an eye out for Hannah’s car. 

He wanted to call Noir. Yeah, when he got home, he’d call him, They had a lot to talk about… A wave of exhaustion swept over him, making him stumble a little. Man, he felt like _shit_. He revised his plan: Sleep first, then call Noir. He wanted to be conscious for their conversation, after all. As he made his plans, he saw Hannah’s small green car pull up to the curb. He walked over, and realized he didn’t know how he was going to tell Hannah it was him. Shit-

He watched as Hannah reached over and pushed the passenger door open. “Come on, Spider-Ham!” Peter was confused, but was too tired to care. He hopped up and pulled the door shut and leaned back. 

“Um...thank you, citizen. I-”

“Oh, just put your seatbelt on, Peter.” He looked over at her in shock. 

“You...how long have you known?”

“Peter. A pig I had never seen before wanders into my place of business with a haunted look in his eyes, and seems very focused on his surprising climbing abilities. He keeps coming back and referring to some vague problem in his life. Around the same time, a _Spider pig_ starts fighting crime on the streets. I am many things, Peter, but I am not an idiot.”

Peter stared at her, open mouthed. “I...why didn’t you say anything?”

“I figured it was your secret to tell,” she said simply. 

“Thank you.”

“Does anyone else know?”

Peter thought for a second. “Well, there’s five other Spider-people from other dimensions-”

“What?”

“I’ll explain later. But here? Dani just found out, isn’t pleased. But no one else.”

“You didn’t tell her?”

“No, I...I was trying to keep her safe.” Silence descended over the car, and Hannah seemed to be thinking about her next words. 

“Now, Peter? I think you and I both know that’s bullshit.” As Peter opened his mouth to protest, she said, “Oh, I think that may be part of it, but I think you owe it to her and yourself to figure out the full reason.”

Peter wasn’t sure what to say. “I’ll try, Hannah.”

“Good. Now, we’re here. You look like you need some rest.”

“You can say that again.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

“I will. Thanks again, Hannah.”

“Of course.” She reached over and squeezed Peter’s hand. “Don’t worry about Dani. I think you two can weather this, as long as you start being honest with her. And yourself.” Peter nodded, not trusting himself to speak. “Go get some sleep.”

He hopped out the car and walked up to his door. He cursed as he realized he didn’t have keys, so he grabbed his extra set from under a rock. He stumbled inside and as he locked the door behind him, he knew he only had the energy to get to the couch, if that at all.

Luckily he made it to the couch, and he curled up and was asleep in seconds. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Peter woke up on his couch feeling like he’d been hit by a truck, which was miles better than he’d felt before. The darkness made him realize it must be nighttime, and he pulled out his phone to get a more accurate reading. 8:30. Cool. 

He stood up and wandered into the kitchen, figuring some Antvil wouldn’t hurt at this point. As he swallowed the pill, his heart skipped a beat. He could call Noir. 

He ran back to the living room and pulled his pendant out from his suit. He thought about changing, but decided he didn’t want to wait. He tapped the screen twice, picked Noir’s face, and…

Nothing happened. He frowned at the pendant and poked Noir’s face again, harder. Still nothing. Fear clutched as his gut. He tried a third time to no avail, so he went to the group chat. The last message was the one he had sent about Maxwell’s. He quickly typed a message and sent it, then stared at the screen.

> Hey, my portal isn’t working...

He waited for a few minutes, nervously grabbing a microwave dinner to make. After nothing came through, he sent:

> Anyone there?

He made his dinner and sat down to eat it. Still nothing.

> Guys, please. Are you seeing this?

He ate, the food forming a cold lump in his stomach. It wasn’t late, why was no one responding?”

> I don’t know what’s going on. Please respond.

An hour passed.

> Did my pendant stop working?  
> If it did, it doesn't make sense for me to be messaging.  
> Please tell me it’s working.  
> God, please tell me I didn’t lose you all again.

Two hours.

> I feel like shit.  
> I don’t know why I’m telling you that. Not your fault.  
> Please come back.  
> I don’t know what I’ll do if I’m alone again.  
> That’s rude. You guys don’t deserve that. I’m sorry.  
> Fuck.

Three hours

> Well, I just threw my pendant at a wall. You did good, Peni, not a scratch.   
> I guess that means I’m at the bargaining stage.  
> With who? I don’t know.  
> I don’t know why I’m still typing this here.  
> Maybe to pretend I’m not alone?  
> Maybe as an analog to please to the universe?  
> Anyway.  
> If I can just talk to you all again, I’ll eat a worm.  
> That’s a thing from you all, right?  
> I don’t know, it sounded good, I guess.

Four.

> 20\. 20 worms. How bout that, universe?  
> I’ll tell Greg that I’m Ham.  
> I’ll  
> I’ll go swimming. I hate swimming.  
> Look. Let’s be real.  
> I’ll do anything.   
> Anything.   
> Please.

Peter fell asleep at that point, the word _anything_ swirling through his head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the end of the fic. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	16. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ham and Noir sort some things out in their dimensions. Shenanigans ensue in the Spider Chat. Peni has a breakthrough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for mental illness, drug addiction and withdrawal. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Peter watched as the portal closed in front of him, and could tell he wasn’t processing what had just happened. He didn’t particularly want to, either, but he knew he would have to at some point. So he went and got himself some water before sitting down to keep working on the Fam blanket. 

The blanket they may never get to use. 

No. They would. He kept knitting with renewed vigor. They had been apart for five minutes, he couldn’t be spiraling down into worst case scenarios already. Peni was smart, she would figure it out. His mind suddenly calmed down at that, his belief in his family a rock in the tossing sea of emotions that was his life. He channeled that belief, that love into the blanket, hoping they would be able to feel it when it was done. When he saw them again. 

He was so glad he had learned to talk about his feelings, and how to let himself connect to other people, because he didn’t have any regrets about the Fam. He had told them what they meant to him, had said _I love you_ so many times. He had hidden behind the idea that saying those words too much cheapened them for so long, avoiding creating connections he was scared would be torn apart. But now, after these past months and months and months of every _I love you_ under the sun, he knew that wasn’t true; every casual utterance, every surprised shout, every time he had said it as tears spilled down his cheeks had just been him building something big and wonderful and sturdy, something that he could always come back to. 

Even if he never saw them again, _and he would, he knew it, he had to_ , he would have that love. And he knew that the rest of them had his, no matter what. 

He stopped knitting for a moment and held what he had done so far up to the light. It looked like he was about two-thirds of the way done with it, which made him feel good. Once he was done with this, he could make Ham something-

Ham. Peter felt his heart skip a few beats as he thought about what had happened in the cell...just a few hours ago. Holy shit. Ham liked him back, they were going to go on a date somewhere, and Peter’s head spun a bit as that realization really sunk in. He had, while debating whether to tell him, always quietly hoped it was true, but the reality of it was even better than he imagined. Especially when Ham had run over and-

Peter jumped as he heard sirens outside his window, seemingly headed East towards-

_Shit_. He probably should go and help at Fisk’s building. He probably should have gone earlier, made sure things were safe. He carefully put the blanket down and went to his room to get his suit on. But he held onto the memory of Ham; it didn’t hurt to have something nice to think about when running into situations like this.

~~~~~~~~~~

SPIDER CHAT 

u7wvyw$^^

> Who is this? All I’m getting is gibberish for the contact.  
> Ham, is that you?  
> Are you ok?  
> I’m sorry I was asleep.

orej^^@@ks

> So was I. I think you (Ham) were out when Peni said we might not be able to portal  
> This is Miles. I can’t see either of your names.

*^&sh3iT

> That was Gwen before. I think we need to sign our texts for now. -Gwen

^$#%jshd

> OK. Ham?   
> We’re here, buddy, it’s ok. -Miles

ej^$%dhD

> Ham, it’s Peni. Messaging works, we see you. I was sleeping too. I’m working on portals. -Peni

yqgdiY636$$

> Ham, it’s Noir, I’m so sorry, I should have left you a note, or something. I didn’t realize you didn’t hear.   
> I’m sorry. -Noir

You

> Oh my god. -Ham

asklj*hajs$

> Ham! We love you, dude! -Miles

You

> It worked.  
> Fuck.  
> Hi.  
> I’m sorry. -Ham

^#^63gdy5#

> Don’t apologize, it’s ok. We didn’t mean to make you worry. -Gwen

8hfyg^gu

> You’re fine, we’re glad you’re ok. How are you feeling? -Miles

You

> Not great. But better. Which is good?  
> Can I not tell Greg.  
> Like. If it’s necessary, I’ll do it.  
> But it just seems ill advised -Ham

sfh&%Eje

> Yeah, I think you’re fine. -Peni

huY736$

> We’re not going anywhere. :) -Noir

You

> Amazing. Um. I’m going to go back to sleep now. Talk tomorrow? -Ham

ksljf^#736

> Sounds good! -Gwen

ajfh&7t6GG

> Sleep well! -Miles

~~~~~~~~~~

Peter woke up late the next morning and groaned as his muscles lined up to make their grievances known. He slowly rubbed his eyes, which had that strange sticky feeling that came with crying oneself to sleep. After he had told the others he was going to bed, he had laid down and cried for...a while, he wasn’t sure. He took some deep breaths, the panic from the night before still not totally gone. He jumped a bit when the pendant buzzed on the nightstand. He picked it up and saw a direct message from Noir:

> How are you doing?

Peter quickly typed back,

> Better. Still hurt, but I seem to be continuing to heal. Hooray!

> Good.  
> I love you.

> I love you too. <3  
> Where do you want to go on our first date?

> Fuck. I don’t know.   
> Soda Shop? You seem to like that a lot.

> YES  
> HOW DO WE DISGUISE ME  
> DO WE JUST GO AS SPIDERS AND CONFUSE EVERYONE

> I don’t know  
> That would be...interesting.

> We’ll talk more about it, ok?  
> I love you.

> :)  
> I love you too.   
> So much.  
> I have to go to work.  
> Talk later?

> Of course!  
> Be safe!  
> Make good choices!

Peter put his pendant away and sighed, slightly giddy. It was hard, not being able to see Noir, but he knew there wasn’t much else he could do for the moment. He would just have to kiss his brains out when the portals came back up.

Downstairs, he heard a knock at the door. He started walking towards the stairs, then started running when he realized it might be Dani. After almost running into it, he opened the door to find Lydia from down the street standing on the porch, tapping her foot impatiently. 

“Lydia! To what do I owe this pleasure?” Peter and Lydia were friendly, but didn’t know each other too well; Lydia planned a lot of neighborhood events, and Peter was busy for a lot of them. 

“You didn’t respond to my email, Peter.”

“I’ve been busy and sick, what’s up?”

“We’re all chipping in to cook for Dani, poor thing. I’m surprised you weren’t on top of that, given how close you two are.” Peter’s chest felt a little tight at that.

“Well-”

“Can you cook for tonight?”

He nervously scratched his neck before carefully saying, “I don’t think that would be smart. Dani and I...got into a fight.”

Lydia rolled her eyes. “I’m sure she’ll be over it after getting _kidnapped_ , Peter.”

“It happened after she got taken. It’s...a long story, but she asked me to give her some space.”

“You got in a fight with her after she had been fucking kidnapped?” Peter sighed, trying not to take his emotions out on Lydia as she asked, “What the hell happened?”

“It’s personal. And a long story. We’ll figure it out, but in the meantime, I don’t want to impose.”

“Fine. You cook something, I’ll come by at six and I’ll deliver it. I doubt she’ll object to that.”

He shrugged. “Sure, I’d be happy to.” Lydia nodded and started turning around. “Hey, how’s she holding up? A lot happened, and…”

Lydia looked back at him, and her severe expression softened a little at his worried face. “She’s doing ok. We’re taking care of her, and I know you will too when you two mend whatever’s going on.”

“Thanks. I’ll see you in a few hours.” Peter closed the door and went and sat on his couch. He hadn’t had a chance to think about the thing with Dani, but now it filled his thoughts.

When she came to talk to him (and god, he hoped it was a when), what would he say? Would he tell her the whole story first? Explain his reasoning? How? 

Then he remembered what Hannah said, about being honest. And he realized he had some thinking to do. He owed it to her, and he owed it to himself.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dani was lying on her couch watching Webflix when she heard a knock on the door. She checked the time and, seeing that it was 6:15, figured it was another food delivery. She really appreciated this neighborhood, and she made a promise to herself as she wandered to the door to try and help Lydia at the next block event. 

She opened the door to find the duck herself standing on her doorstep, holding two casserole dishes. Before Dani could greet her, Lydia looked her dead in the eye and said, “Do I need to kill Peter Porker on your behalf?”

Dani blinked at her. “I-What?”

“Well, I wouldn’t do it alone. It would be a group of us.”

“Killing Peter? Why?”

“He told me he got in a fight with you after you got kidnapped, and was being evasive about details, so I wanted to make sure-”

“Oh, no. No, it’s...not like that.” Lydia narrowed her eyes at Dani. “Really! I promise, though I appreciate the offer, I guess. It’s all been weird, but it’s fine. We can deal with it.”

Lydia nodded. “Good, wanted to make sure. I won’t stand for that in my neighborhood. Speaking of Peter,” she muttered, holding out the casseroles, “He made these for you, I bullied him into it. He wouldn’t deliver them, though, said you wanted space.”

“I did, yeah. He’s good about stuff like that. But holy hell, how many people did he think he was cooking for?” Dani took the two large dishes, knowing one could take her two days to finish at the least. 

“I think he said you could freeze one and save it for later.”

Dani chuckled. “So pragmatic.”

“How are you doing, dear?” 

“I’m...I’m ok. Only had one nightmare last night, so progress!” Dani gestured with her head into the house. “Wanna come in while I put these away?”

“I can, yes.” Lydia followed Dani to the kitchen and listened attentively as Dani talked.

“I’m really doing better, Paula got me connected with a therapist who saw me yesterday. It’s probably long overdue, but getting kidnapped is a good kick in the pants, I guess. There’s a lot of things I’ve tried to push through on my own, or just by talking to friends, or whatever. It’s nice having a professional, I guess. Especially for this, I don’t think I’d be doing as well if I was just doing my usual ‘write stories until I pass out to distract myself from the yawning pit of despair’.”

Dani looked up to see Lydia looked a little concerned. “That’s dark, isn’t it?”

“Just a bit.” Lydia checked her watch and sighed. “I need to get going, as long as you’re ok?”

“I am, yeah. Thanks, Lydia.” Dani brought her back to the front door, where Lydia gave her a quick hug. 

“Let us know if you need anything. I’ve got meals set up for you for the next week.”

“You’re amazing, and I will.” Lydia waved and Dani closed the door, feeling like some more of the weight had been lifted off her chest. She knew it would be a while before things were ok again, but things were getting better. 

She walked back into the kitchen and looked at the casserole she had left on the counter, thinking about Peter. It had been three days, and she hadn’t seen him at all. She had thought about it a lot, trying to figure out how she wanted to go forward. She still felt hurt, she couldn’t deny that. Having someone be that close to you and hide something like that, it was hard. But she also knew that Peter really did have his reasons, and the secret of being a superhero was probably different than, say, the secret of reporting on a dangerous science experiment…

She quietly made a decision, picked up the casserole, and walked out her front door.

~~~~~~~~~~

Peter winced as he put a new ice pack in the sling he had made on his back. His whole body was healing, slower than usual, but still faster than a non-spider-pig. He remembered the same thing had happened after the collider, so he figured it was a glitching thing. Didn’t make it less annoying, though. 

After he had secured the ice, he walked back out to the living room, which he had started to clean after he had finished making the casseroles for Dani. He picked up a pile of blankets on the floor next to his couch and watched as a red and blue scarf fell out. He made himself fold the blankets back up and throw them in the closet before gingerly picking up the scarf. He remembered when Dani had give it to him, and he felt another wave of emotion about their fight wash over him. 

He felt bad for not telling her. There were a lot of great reasons not to, of course, and those were the ones he had always focused on: keeping her safe, not worrying her, making sure she didn’t become a target. All noble reasons, and they had been part of his decision, of course. But Hannah’s words had made him poke at the situation more, and he knew there was more. He-

A knock came from the front door. Probably Lydia to tell him she had delivered the food, he told himself as he walked to the door, maybe to bring him an update on-

Dani. He stood in the doorway, having opened it to see his friend standing on the stoop, a casserole in her hands. He was frozen, and he didn’t know what to say. Luckily, Dani spoke. “Um...hey.” Peter could tell she was hiding her shock at how bad he looked, with large bags under his eyes, and scratches up his arms. So he tried to respond casually-

“Hi. How are you doing?” He coughed a bit into his arm, but he waved it off and looked at her, waiting for her response.

“I’m ok. Was just telling Lydia I found a therapist, that’s been really nice.”

“Good! That’s great, therapy is great. Yeah.” He didn’t want to ask what she was doing here, because it felt redundant, but he also didn’t want to start the conversation. “So, um...did I make a good choice with the casserole?”

Dani looked down as if she’d forgotten she was holding it. “Yeah, it looks great. That’s kind of why I’m here, you gave me enough food to feed a city, so I figured we could have dinner and talk. About...stuff.”

“Yeah, we can definitely do that.” Dani made no move to come in, however.

“Peter…why didn’t you tell me?” Before he could even open his mouth, she said, “And please no bullshit this time. Just...why?”

Peter could feel the same panic in his chest he got whenever he thought about telling people, but he remembered what he’d thought about all day, and he took a deep breath. “A lot of reasons. I did want to protect you, I promise that isn’t a lie. But...I was protecting myself too. I didn’t want to see you worried. I got so used to not telling people, it felt weird to try doing it. And, I,” his voice breaking a bit, “I didn’t want you to think I was a freak.”

Dani nodded. “ I get it. Since we’re being honest, though, you should know I still feel a little bad. But I can get over it, this is your thing to tell. I just didn’t want you picking up on it and thinking I was rejecting you.”

“I understand. You still up for talking?”

“Yeah, I am. Let’s get going, before this gets cold.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“So, do you have, like, tiny hooks on your hands and feet?”

“Nah, that wouldn’t work with my suit.”

“Oh, true.” Peter was standing on the ceiling over the half-eaten casserole, explaining his powers to Dani as she leaned back in her chair.

“It’s more to do with electromagnetism, I think? I don’t remember what Peni said.”

“Who’s Peni?” Peter realized he hadn’t gotten to dimension hopping at all, and he almost laughed as he jumped down to the floor. He stumbled a bit, but steadied himself on a chair. 

“Ok. So, long story I’ll tell you at some point, but there are parallel dimensions. Surprise! And I’ve visited…” he counted them off on his fingers, “Five others? And all of them have spider people.”

“What’s a people?” Shit. 

“Do you remember the iguana that turned into something else? That’s a person, though the people I know aren’t that violent. I think that was a side effect of the experiment.”

“Oh. That’s good, I guess.”

“Yeah. And the six of us, we hang out. Here, I have pictures.” Peter walked to his office, Dani following. He opened his computer and scrolled through his pictures to find a set from the last Fam meetup. 

“Here we are!” Peter had found a group photo, and pointed out each person as he described them. “That’s Miles, he’s the newest spider. He’s really good at art. Gwen plays the drums. Peni, who I said before, she pilots a robot with the spider she has a psychic link with.”

“They look smaller than the others. Are they kids?”

“Yeah, teenagers. It’s wild. The two others are actually also named Peter? Both Peter Parker?”

Dani cackled. “Really?”

“Parallel worlds are weird, fam. So with that, we three have nicknames. That’s B, he’s the oldest. He’s a big dad friend. I’m Ham because, you know, and that’s…” Peter stared at Noir’s smiling face and couldn’t speak for a second. 

“You ok?”

“Yeah, sorry. That’s Noir. You remember that guy I was telling you about?”

Dani’s eyes widened. “Oh. You weren’t lying about his name.” 

Peter laughed, still looking at the picture. “Yeah. Or any of it. We have a date planned when we see each other again.”

“You told him?” Dani’s eyes lit up as she lightly shook Peter’s shoulders. “I’m so proud of you!”

“Well, he told me, and I said yes. Don’t get too proud of me.”

“Well, when’s the next date?”

“That’s complicated. Peni had made devices to let us make portals to everyone,” he explained, pulling out his pendant to show her. “But after the thing on 73rd, the portals are down, so we can only message.”

“So you can’t see him?”

“I can’t see any of them.” Peter felt himself get choked up as he looked at the five smiling faces surrounding his on the screen. 

“Shit. I’m sorry.”

Peter quickly collected himself. “Thanks. But it’s fine, we still message.”

“Well, that’s good! I hope the portals get fixed soon.”

“Same. When they do, I’ll introduce you to everyone. I tell them lots of stories about you, they’re excited to meet you.”

Dani laughed. “Tell them I am too.”

Peter laughed too, and even though he was feeling a lot better, he could still detect an undercurrent of worry in his mind. “How are you doing, Dani? This is all a lot, and I don’t want to overwhelm you, or anything. You deserve time to process.”

“I appreciate that. But I also have to apologize. I shouldn’t have made you feel bad for not telling me, it’s not fair. I’m not entitled to your life, you know?”

Peter could feel himself tearing up, and could see Dani was as well. “Well, let’s just say we didn’t handle it as well as we could have, and we’re fixing that now. Is that ok?”

“I think that’ll work.” Dani, without warning, hugged Peter, and then they were both crying. Peter was glad Dani knew, and was glad they were able to talk about it. As much as he missed the Spider-Fam, his relationships in his own dimension were important too, and it was nice to not have to keep them as separated now. 

Once they had both stopped crying, Peter wiped his eyes. “I’ve spent a lot of time crying in the past 24 hours. I want some ice cream.”

“Hell yeah.”

~~~~~~~~~~

A few days later, Spider-Ham was back fighting crime, and Dani was called to report on the scene, to her amusement. Just as she finished interviewing someone, the hero himself swung by, yelling some witty one-liner at Captain DeSpoto. 

She smiled as he gave her a small salute, a red and blue scarf wrapped around his neck.

~~~~~~~~~~

SPIDER CHAT

aljdh^bjkas

> What’s shaking, everyone? b

6w5%uwhdg

> Me. I’m cold, watching a friend’s dog, and it’s taking forever outside. -Miles

HYf&75yusa

> Please describe the puppy. -Gwen

sdlkfhu57#

> Hey Dating Noir, you said you talked to Dani, right? -Peni

aklfh&bbf6

> brown and white. Fluffy. My son. -Miles

akjbdy^^3a

> I’m sorry, what did you just call me? -Ham

akjfg6wFF$

> What a good dog. -Gwen

lskfj8&T6f laughed at ‘Hey Dating Noir, you said you talked to Dani, right? -Peni’

alh7r%fa

> DATING MJ I KNOW THAT WAS YOU

s87gYGY^57

> no it actually wasn’t b

eihuau*^66g83 laughed at ‘Hey Dating Noir, you said you talked to Dani, right? -Peni’

sdfhufv(&^g

> He’s so soft, Gwen. -Miles

slkfjia987%

> that was, though b

Kalh6ig6

> p u p p y -Gwen

Kalh7ftca3

> To answer your question, Peni, yes we did, and things are going well. How are you holding up? -Ham

You

> Are you sleeping, Peni? -Dating Ham

alfha7tv%

> I’m ok. I think I’m making progress.   
> Kind of? -Peni

adjhg75d^%

> REALLY NOIR? -Ham

alkfha776$j

> Peni, that’s not an ok amount of sleep b

sfuhf$dtt

> Yeah, what Dating MJ said. You need to sleep. -Miles

alkh8^^&cdtdH

> I want to get the portals back up.  
> I miss you guys.   
> I’m sorry it’s taking so long. -Peni

ahit^&R%

> We miss you too, kid. But you have to take care of yourself.  
> Do not apologize. You’re doing fine. -Ham

You

> I know it must feel like the more you work, the faster you will see us.  
> But if you’re tired, you could get hurt. And we would rather you be safe then burn yourself out on this. -Noir

lkaugUT^v

> ok. -Peni

auig^$%FY7r4

> We love you, Peni! -Gwen

s87F^E%

> *hugs* -Miles

aioh8(&%TFy

> <3 -Peni

You

> <3  
> I’m making progress on our blanket! -Dating Ham

dsklh&TGUF

> Hell yeah! -Miles

wiht6D%D

> As excited for the blanket as I am, are we really doing this? -Dating Noir

Sjhuig7vy

> This blanket is gonna be so good. -Gwen

sdh7tCTD

> Yes, Dating Noir. -Peni

fwsfhou%&^d6

> I think it’s cute b

ash7^*RFf

> Dating Ham, what’s the pattern? -Miles

alkh&YCFTd

> Oh, if we’re doing this, you’re joining us Dating MJ. -Dating Noir

You

> It’s a surprise! -Dating Ham

jhuif68d$$D

> fine   
> Why aren’t we making the kids do it?-Dating MJ

slhui7%^R

> oooooh!  
> And because we don’t want to. -Miles

slh8T&F

> I don’t want to be the only one that’s not ‘dating anyone’. -Peni

shouov#oihd

> Because we’re agents of chaos and have to bully our...fathers? Uncles? -Gwen

aklhi7t68f%

> LMAO -Dating Noir

You

> Uncles don’t have great luck with us… -Dating Ham

Dsljhit654

> ...At least you’re honest, Gwen  
> Seriously can we go back to the shorter names b

aihtd5e$AS

> We can be the change we wish to see!  
> And sure, it’s a good every once in awhile goof though. -Ham

akg78R^D

> Honesty is the best policy, right? -Gwen

You

> Fair enough.  
> I have to go, I have some things to attend to. -Noir

sdjlhiuf%3s

> Bye! -Miles

aji7R^*D

> Bye Noir  
> Gwen, I swear… b

~~~~~~~~~~

Peter walked down the street, wondering if he was doing the right thing. Ben had not been into the office in a week, and he suspected it was connected to Kingpin’s fall a month before. If he was going through withdrawal, he could be in great danger, especially if he tried to find another hit while sick. He had talked with the Fam about it, figuring correctly that the future knew a little more about addiction and drugs. 

It was still a problem for everyone besides Peni, but the understanding was that it usually was a symptom of an underlying problem, rather than the moral failing Peter’s time painted it as. Peter remembered Ben’s monologue in the alley, about how he talked about feeling the pain of the Depression and how it drained him, and had tried to come up with better ways to channel that pain. So he had a pack of things to try, hoping he could help Ben in some way…

Part of him was conflicted, however. Even though whatever state Ben was in that made him turn to drugs was not his fault, he had still done some awful things that couldn’t be excused by it. He had been willing to let the egregious abuse of power continue, suppress a story of worker abuse, and possibly let Kingpin rip a hole in the universe just to keep his supply available. His words in the alley still echoed in Peter’s head sometimes, their callous disregard for his fellow man like an itch in his brain. Peter had every reason to let him wither away, like so many others did.

But Peter still felt some connection to Ben, despite it all. Even if he had been lying, Ben had formed who Peter wanted to be as a reporter. And Peter had reasoned (with Fam input to make sure he wasn’t hurting himself) that he could still try to help. If it didn’t work out, and it seemed like Ben would continue his uncaring ways, Peter could step away. It was not his job or responsibility, yes, but Peter knew he had to try whenever he had to opportunity to help someone. He always wanted to try, and that was why he was different than Ben. 

But maybe that didn’t have to stay that way. 

Determined, Peter had reached Ben’s door. He knocked and waited, wondering what state Ben was in. He didn’t have to wonder long, though, because a few seconds later the door swung open to reveal Ben. He was leaning on the doorframe, his arms crossed, hands fidgeting. He stared at Peter, confused. 

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to help. You haven’t been in, and I figured…” Peter didn’t want to announce to the hall what was happening. 

Ben regarded Peter for a moment, sniffling a little. “Why do you want to help me?”

“Because, whatever you believe about it, you helped me. I want to try and return the favor.” Ben still looked confused, but he stepped back and let Peter enter the apartment. Peter looked around as Ben closed the door. Things were scattered around, as if they’d been thrown to the side. 

“Sorry about the mess, I was trying to find any secret stashes I may have had…” Ben watched as Peter sat down on the couch and started pulling things out of his backpack. “I know you’re Spider-Man. I told Kingpin.”

“Ok.”

“I was willing to let those people die, I told you that! I’m addicted to fucking heroin, Peter, I’m a bad person.”

“That doesn’t make you a bad person. The things you’ve done? Those are bad things. But they don’t necessarily make you a bad person, and an addiction certainly doesn’t.” Ben sighed and started pacing the room. “About how long have you been off of it?” Ben didn’t need Peter to explain what ‘it’ was. 

“I stopped completely 35 hours ago. I tried to ration out the stuff I had, though, so they weren’t full doses.”

Peter nodded, remembering B’s advice to try and taper him off instead of going cold turkey. “That’s good, that will make it easier.”

“What easier?”

“The withdrawal symptoms.”

“How do you know so much about this?”

Peter looked up to see Ben standing still, the first time he had done so since Peter arrived. He was shaking, and Peter stood up to lead him to a couch as he explained, “I have friends in the dimensions Fisk was trying to get to. They gave me some tips.”

“Jesus…” Ben didn’t resist as Peter grabbed a blanket off the ground and wrapped it around his shoulders. “Why are you helping me? I don’t deserve it.”

“Maybe you don’t. That’s up to you, though. I’m here to give you tools to help yourself, but it’s up to you to use them. As to why? People should help when they can.”

“But I’ve hurt a lot of people, I’ve hurt you.”

“Yeah. And none of those people owe you anything, including me. But I am in a unique position where I am not really in danger because of you. I have the ability to reach out. That is never owed to anyone, but if it can be done…” Peter felt like he was repeating himself, but he needed Ben to understand that people needed each other, needed others to help them, that it was worth it, if you could. 

Ben seemed to contemplate this for a while. “What are these tools you’re giving me? And against what?”

“I’m guessing you feel something like an encroaching darkness most, if not all of the time.”

“Yeah.”

“And it’s easier to sleep than do anything? And you sometimes aren’t sure what the point of anything is?”

“That’s all normal, though-”

“But it’s not. A general sadness, yeah. But not what you’re feeling, Ben. Not that aching, gnawing feeling of hopelessness, of the inability to remember the last time you were happy. That’s not normal, Ben. I feel it too. We just developed different ways of dealing with it.”

“What did you do?”

“I became Spider-Man, at first. I decided that to be worthy of the world, I had to try to save it. I...I tried to justify my existence with it, and existence isn’t something you justify, or curse, or thank whatever deity for. It’s just a thing that you build a life off of.”

Peter could see Ben had tears rolling down his face, but decided not to bring them up. “So, I brought some stuff, both to help you through the withdrawal, and to hopefully help you in the long run. Replace the drugs, if we can.”

Ben sat and listened as Peter explained each thing. He had brought some extra sewing supplies, and Ben ran his hands endlessly over the fabrics. Peter had gotten a crossword puzzle book, and Ben solved the first one in a few minutes, smiling for the first time that afternoon. At one point, he ran to his bathroom, and Peter heard retching. When Ben came back, he looked tired. 

“Have you slept?”

“I’ve been having trouble. Can’t seem to lie still.” Peter nodded. 

“I have one more thing for you.” Peter reached into the bottom of the bag and pulled out a small Rubik’s Cube. Miles had seen it at a shop and gotten it for him a few months back, and Peter figured it would be something nice to keep Ben’s hands busy. “Try to make each side just one color.” Ben took the cube and started carefully spinning it. “Unless you want me to stay, I’m going to leave. You can come to my apartment if you need anything.”

“Peter.” Ben was looking at him, still aimlessly fidgeting with the cube. “Does it go away? The darkness?”

“No.”

“Then why-”

“It gets better, Ben. I promise. You have to keep working at it, and there will be bad days. But it gets better.”

Ben nodded. “I’m sorry, Peter.”

“There’s no need to apologize for asking me that.”

“No. I’m sorry for everything I did.”

“Then prove it.” Ben’s eyes widened as Peter continued, “Pull yourself out of the hole, Ben. Go out and make it right. Atone for what past you can, and strive to do better in the future. You are not excused for what you’ve done, but now you know there’s another way.”

“I don’t know if I can. I’ve been doing this for long, I’ve been like this...I don’t know if I can change.”

Peter quietly walked back over. “May I see the cube?” Ben quietly handed it over, and Peter started spinning the sections quickly, months of practice guiding his hands as he spoke. “The cube started mixed up, correct?”

“Yeah.”

“One of the steps to solving it is to make one side complete.” He showed Ben a fully red side. “But in order to finish, you have to remix that side as you work on other things.” Peter spun the sections as Ben watched, colors flashing between his fingers until he held up a completed cube. “Sometimes the road to recovery means you have to break down parts of you that aren’t going to lead to the final idea.”

Ben nodded, accepting the cube back. “Ok.”

“You’ll be ok?”

“Yeah. Thank you.” Peter nodded and collected his bag, leaving Ben to stare at the cube. 

~~~~~~~~~~

A week after his visit to Ben, Peter was knitting on the couch when his pendant buzzed. He pulled it out and saw a message from Ham:

> Hey want to know a fun fact?

> Of course.

> I love you. Like a lot.  
> Also, apparently, and this may surprise you, I should not be allowed into carnivals. Turns out they don’t like it when you tell them their game is rigged, especially when you refuse to show how because you realize it relies on admitting you have super powers.

> I love you too, and holy shit, Ham.

> I’m changing into my suit now to go prove that he’s a conman.

> I support this.

> Thanks. XO gotta run, still love you.

> Still love you too, knock em dead.  
> Don’t actually kill them though.

Peter put his pendant away, smiling to himself. He checked his watch and realized he had to leave for work. As he left, he remembered that Ben had said he was going to try to come in today the last time they had talked, and Peter was hoping he was well enough to do so.

He made it in with a few minutes to spare, and was surprised to see Ben already typing furiously at his desk. He still looked tired, and Peter could see his leg bouncing under the table, but he was definitely getting better. He walked over and quietly said, “How are you doing?”

“I’m ok. I’m trying to get a report on the Fisk thing done.” Peter started, looking at Ben with confusion. Seeming to sense this, Ben explained, “They didn’t find any of the worker violations after the whole Incident. He’ll be out of jail soon, because the police didn’t know what to charge him with. And I figured this would be a good way to start...you know.”

Peter did know, and he patted Ben’s shoulder before walking over to his desk. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen with Ben. It would be hard, and he had a lot of stuff to try and make up for. But through the week, he had been asking questions of Peter, trying to understand how Peter thought the way he did, and how Ben could come out of the jaded palace he had created to hide from the world. 

It would be hard, yes, and Peter didn’t expect him to become a vigilante like him any time soon. But he was putting in an effort right now, and for that, Peter was grateful. There was still hope left for Ben Urich, and he was holding onto it as tightly as he could.

~~~~~~~~~~

SPIDER CHAT

dadhuYR%E

> Anyone up?   
> Nightmare. -Gwen

aih79y%

> I am.  
> The usual? -Miles

IH5eDXs5

> No. -Gwen

hit6e5#@f

> I’m up too.  
> Oh, good, new material. How kind of your brain. -Ham

$75af65d

> I dreamed you all died. -Gwen

*tf6D%s

> Oh Gwen, I’m sorry.  
> We’re all fine, I promise. -Miles

iah&R%S

> Other Peters, if you’re up, I would appreciate your texts, it’s not like other times. -Gwen

igda7%D

> I was about to ask that, I’ll go bother Noir.  
> Also, seconding Miles. We’re here. -Ham

You

> Hi Gwen, I’m sorry about your dream. Anything we can do? -Peni

ahuig68ad%s

> I’ll get B.   
> Love you Gwen. -Miles

na78fXd

> I just wish I could hear your voices.   
> Fuck. I miss you all so much.   
> Love you too, Miles -Gwen

najl^*Ftd

> Gwen, it’s Noir. I am alive and well. -Noir

You

> I’m sorry the portals are taking so long. -Peni

NIOqwg7f

> Hey I’m ok Gwen don’t worry b

iho#Atx

> Peni, it’s not your fault. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.   
> I’m glad you all are ok. -Gwen

HOg7ftdct

> Would us talking more help? I can tell a story. -Ham

fioh78ftd(

> No, though I appreciate it.   
> I just needed to know you all were ok. Thank you, though. -Gwen

iodh97fRS

> Of course. Get some sleep, everyone. -Ham

NIOga7fdtd

> Let us know if you need anything, Gwen. -Miles

R^yad6do

> <3 -Gwen

~~~~~~~~~~

Peni stared at the computer screen, willing the calculations to come up green. It was late, but she couldn’t sleep, she had to get the portals back up. It had been almost two months now and, despite what Gwen had just said in the chat, she felt responsible. If she could just find what was going wrong…

She almost screamed when a number of red, blaring errors popped up. She had been trying this for hours; she was working on some new code to map the multiverse, and this seemed to be the hinge on which the restoration of the portals now sat. If she could just get this, it should be a few simple codes before she had a goober ready to update the pendants. She could feel Spider trying to calm her down from the corner, and she tried to focus on her link, breathing slowly.

She started typing again, her hands heavy with exhaustion, numbers fading into each other. She muttered the code she was typing to herself, trying to stay alert. She was so focused, she almost fell out of her chair when her pendant buzzed on the table next to her keyboard. She was surprised to see a direct message from Noir reading:

> Just checking in on you. Making sure you weren’t burning yourself out.

She hesitated, playing with the idea of not responding so he thought she was asleep. But she pushed that thought away as she picked up the pendant, figuring honesty was the best policy.

> I’m fine, just working on some tricky code.

> I see. I wish I understood more about what you do, Peni.

> I’ll show you when I manage to do what I’m supposed to do.

> Peni, what you’re supposed to do is take care of yourself. Please do not put yourself down.

> I just feel like I need to fix this to make things ok again.

> None of this is your fault. You have no obligation to sacrifice your well being in order to do this faster.

> I miss you all so much.

> We miss you too. Which is why we want you to take care of yourself. Please try to get some sleep, the code will, presumably, be there when you wake up. If nothing else, you will do better work if you are well rested.

> Yeah. That’s true. Thanks, Noir. <3

> Of course. Good night. <3

Peni put down the pendant and looked back at the screen, her eyes hurting from the glare. Noir was right. They all were. She knew she could get consumed by her work, and worry only made that worse. But the breaking down of the portals scared her, and she had tried to pour everything she had and more into the problem, and she was tearing herself apart.

She turned off the monitor and walked into her room, not bothering to change into pajamas. As she flopped into her bed face first, she said goodnight to Spider, and then was asleep before she could think to turn off the light. 

~~~~~~~~~~

When she woke up late the next morning, her mind felt clearer than it had in days. But she forced herself to get fully ready, trying to build this feeling through a shower and an actual breakfast, something she hadn’t had in weeks. Spider came over and burrowed into her collar, clearly pleased with how much calmer Peni’s mind was. 

After eating, Peni attacked the code with new vigor, finding bugs that hadn’t even crossed her radar the night before. After half an hour of excited typing, she sat back and hit compile, crossing her fingers and feeling Spider do the same (as much as it could, of course). 

One minute. Two. She knew it was complex code, so she tried not to take the time passing as a sign of failure. 

After three minutes, the computer screen stopped scrolling, and a single green checkmark flashed. Peni almost stopped breathing. She quickly inserted the code into the bigger matrix she was working on for the goober. To her surprise, red xs that she hadn’t expected to fix with this batch of code disappeared. 

Trying to contain her excitement, she scrolled through everything, and realized it was done. She clicked upload, and the computer informed her she had to wait five minutes. 

Five minutes until she could see her family again. She pushed away from the computer and broke down in tears, which didn’t stop in full for the rest of the afternoon. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Peter Porker was sitting on his couch reading Jane Bear after another long day at work when he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He looked up to see black blobs forming in midair in front of his television, and it took him just a second to realize what they meant. He jumped up and stumbled over to stand in front of the forming portal, his hands shaking slightly. Finally, after what felt like ten minutes, the much missed circle formed, and he saw the even more missed Peni Parker on the other side. 

“Holy shit, you did it!” 

“I sure did!” And then Peni jumped through the portal and hugged Peter. She was crying, which made Peter cry, so they stood there hugging for several minutes. Finally Peni pulled away, still crying a little, (it looked like she had been for a while now) and pulled out a goober. “Where’s your pendant?” 

Peter pulled it out of his shirt and loosened the cord so he could hand it over. Peni turned it over and popped open a small panel, sticking the goober into the newly-exposed port. “It’ll take a few minutes. How are you?”

“I’m pretty good, especially now that you’re here.” Peni smiled, almost vibrating from the excitement. “Do you want a glass of water, or something?” It felt so weird, offering something so mundane after she had been gone for so long, but it was so easy to fall into a rhythm with her, with all of the Fam. God, he missed them all. 

“Yeah, that would actually be great. This is almost done.” Peni sat on the couch while Peter quickly went and filled a glass with water. As he came back, Peni tossed him his pendant. He handed her the glass and started putting the pendant back on. 

“Alright, we have a meeting in twenty minutes, my place. Does that work for you?”

“Yep!”

“Great! Now, one last thing. Last time I showed up in your home unannounced, I had you give a pendant to a certain 1930s detective. And I was wondering if you wanted to have that honor this time around.”

_Noir._ “Are you sure you don’t want to do it?”

“Yeah, I did the same thing for Miles and Gwen. Want to let the lovebirds have their time before we all meet up so you aren’t distracted.” Peni winked at him as Peter blushed. “So, you up for it?”

“Yeah! Just show me how to do the thing with the goober.” She obliged, showing how to pop open the back and the correct orientation to connect the goober. 

Once Peter was ready, she gave him another hug before turning to go back through her portal. “Twenty minutes until meeting time, and if you aren’t there I _will_ open a portal to wherever you are.”

“We’ll keep an eye on the time. See you then!” Peni mock saluted him and closed her portal, and Peter realized again that he was about to see Noir. _Shit._ He thought about changing, but he knew he would overthink his outfit and he just wanted to see him. He did, however, run to his room and grab the large, purple bear holding a red heart he’d won at the carnival. That game operator hadn’t known what hit him.

As he got ready to open a portal, he had another thought. He put the bear down on his couch and ran out his front door, hoping he could find what he was looking for. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Peter Benjamin Parker flipped the collar of his jacket against the cold wind as he walked through the dim light of a lamp. They had just had a good day at the Bugle; someone had agreed to come and be interviewed about Fisk, and it seemed like the story was almost ready. He made it to the stairs of his apartment and hurried up, excited to get some dinner; he hadn’t eaten in too many hours, forgetting about food in the excitement of the day. 

He walked into the apartment and looked around, eyes falling on the blanket. It was almost done, he thought, and he was excited. He also thought about his conversation with Peni, and he hoped that she had followed his advice-

Suddenly, black shapes formed in the middle of the room. He stopped dead in his tracks, his breath completely gone. He finally made himself walk towards the shapes, hoping he wasn’t seeing things due to the lack of food. 

A shimmering circle formed, and through it stood Ham, grinning. Peter’s breath neglected to return from its day trip, so he made a very strange sound in lieu of a greeting. 

“Well, hello to you too, nerd.” Ham was holding something behind his back. Peter finally found his voice, hidden amongst the butterflies migrating from his stomach. 

“Whatcha got there?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s, uh, kind of cheesy, but…” Ham pulled his hand out from behind him and showed Peter the small bunch of dandelions he had seemingly just picked. “I also got you a bear. At the carnival. But that doesn’t seem important right now.” 

“Not right now, no.” He didn’t know who moved first, but somehow the space between them disappeared, and Peter had picked Ham up and they were hugging and crying, and he didn’t think he would ever be able to let go.

After a few minutes of embracing, Ham said, “Oh yeah, we have a meeting in like...ten minutes.” Peter could feel the vibration of Ham’s voice on his chest, and it sent electricity up his spine. 

“It sure sounds like we have ten minutes to do whatever we want then, huh?”

“Ten minutes of cuddling it is!”

“God, I love you.”

Ham looked up, eyes shining. “I love you too, big guy.” And then they kissed, and nothing else mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still not quite over. 
> 
> Thank you so much, everyone. I believe the next chapter is the last. <3


	17. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fam has a snow day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy, y'all!

Peter had been asked to be in the Macy’s Parade (as Spider-Man, of course), and as he’d nervously accepted, a thought had occurred to him: By that point, every member of the Spider-Fam had come to help in his dimension at some point, and that wasn’t even counting the whole thing with the two Kingpins. So he had gotten permission to invite his friends, which made the older man feel a lot better about the plan. 

A few days after the invitation, they had been over in Gwen’s dimension playing video games. The three kids were sitting in front of the couch, clutching game controllers, and Ham and Noir were lying behind them, the occasional comment about the game the only sign of their continued consciousness. Peter walked back in after grabbing a glass of water when he remembered his plan. “Hey, I got invited to march in a parade, and the invitation was extended to you all as well.”

“As Spiders, or…?”

“Yeah, Spiders. No one wants Peter B. Parker in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Par-”

“Oh my god.” Miles was staring at Peter, eyes wide. “If that’s like the Tracy’s Parade here...that’s a big deal, man!”

“Yeah, it is, which is why I wanted you all to come.” The kids cheered, and Ham and Noir each gave a thumbs up. 

“We’re gonna be famous!” 

“We’re already famous.”

“...I mean, yeah, but different famous.”

Peter laughed as the kids debated. “I’ll let you know the times, but from what I understand, we’ll meet pretty early on Thanksgiving morning, so be ready for that.”

“Speaking of Thanksgiving,” Ham said as he awkwardly sat up, which forced Noir to adjust his position. “I was thinking. This is the first big, like, holiday since 2 Kingpins 2 Furious, and I was wondering if we were going to do a Fam thing? Is the parade the Fam thing?”

Peter chuckled as Miles slowly turned around. “ _2 Kingpins 2 Furious?_ ”

“Do they not have The Fast and the Furriest in your world?”

“We do, yeah, I’m just-”

“Wait,” interrupted Gwen, wheeling around to look at Ham. “If it’s the Fast and the Furriest for you, why is it still 2 Fast 2 _Furious_?”

“When has anything in Ham’s world made sense?”

“When I met Noir.” As the rest of the Fam groaned good naturedly and Noir clumsily pulled him down for a kiss, Ham added, “All of you, really.”

Peter put a hand over his heart. “Ok, that was actually really sweet. But to answer your question, I don’t know? I think MJ wanted to do something in the afternoon with some friends.”

“Yeah, my family would not be pleased if I skipped out on dinner.” 

“Does everyone have somewhere to have dinner? I don’t want anyone alone.” Everyone nodded. “Awesome. Maybe something the next day? Are any of you doing anything?”

“Black Sheep Friday? Hell no, I refuse to even _look_ at a store that day.”

“Hard same. People are ruthless on Black Friday.”

Noir looked confused. “What’s Black Friday?”

“Day after Thanksgiving. A lot of stores have sales, and people line up for blocks to get at them.” 

“Thrilling. I would also be available that day.”

“Sounds like a plan, then!” Peter perched on an armchair and took a proffered game controller, relieved he wouldn’t be alone for the biggest event he’d ever been a part of. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

The Fam stood shivering amongst the rushing parade workers, a light snow dancing around them. They had tried to dress warmly, but had also felt they needed to show off their suits, since they were there as Spiders. B checked his phone and sighed. “Why did we need to get here at seven? The sun’s barely up.”

Everyone else grumbled in agreement, even Peni (though Sp//dr was heated; she was just complaining in solidarity). Peter was, as normal, the coldest, and was trying to warm up by walking around the group. 

Miles turned to Sp//dr and lightly knocked. “Peni, can I come in with you?”

“No,” Peni said from inside. “Not enough room. Here.” Sp//dr whirred a little, and those standing near the mech felt warmth start to radiate off its surface. “How’s that?”

“Better.” They all drew closer to Sp//dr, including Peter, but the small pig still felt cold. He looked over at Noir and had an idea. 

“Babe, hold still.” Noir turned his head a little, but heeded his request. Peter quickly climbed onto Noir’s shoulder, then burrowed into his coat, curling up at his chest. “There we go.” He felt Noir chuckle as he put his arms around Ham to help keep him in place.

“Are you going to stay like that the whole time?”

“No. I’ll put my head out in a second. But first, warm.” Peter heard someone walk by, calling out that they would start lining people up soon. 

“Finally. Oh, hello.” Peter wiggled around to get his head out of Noir’s collar. He saw a person with a clipboard standing just outside their circle, clearly trying to figure out to handle this situation. 

“Hello, um...Spider…” Peter felt their eyes on him, and he tried not to laugh. He was really good at messing up the collective noun for the group. 

“Spider-Fam is what we’ve gone with. How are you today?” They were looking at Noir now, clearly trying to figure out why he seemed to be flickering slightly. To their credit, though, their voice when they responded was completely professional. 

“Perfect, is that how you’d like to be referred to when you perform?” B’s eyes widened, and Gwen and Miles looked at each other in alarm. 

“Perform?”

“Yes, you have five minutes on the mat. And a short interview.”

“Um…” 

“We can all roast our uncle for not realizing we needed to perform.” Gwen high fived Miles for this, while B facepalmed. 

“I take it whatever we do can’t have...background music?”

“What, are we doing a dance routine?”

“I don’t know, I’m just asking-”

“Yes Mr, uh, Spider-Man. We should have given you an email address for you to contact us, but we didn’t think of it…”

“How did you find him in the first place?” 

“We stopped him after a fight,” they responded, in a tone that indicated that they had decided that they had to roll with the pig talking if they wanted to get out of this conversation without losing their mind. 

“That is an issue with the whole secret identity thing…” 

“Yeah, and you can’t paid for saving the city,” muttered Miles. 

“Alright, we’ll figure it out. When do you need to know?”

“Before you actually start walking. So for you all...two hours?”

“I’ve worked worse deadlines,” mused Noir. 

“Thank you, uh, don’t think I got your name.”

“I’m Erika.”

“Thanks, Erika. Sorry about this.”

“You’re doing great work!” called Peter, giving them a mock salute. 

They nodded awkwardly at the group. “Thanks. See you in a couple hours.” They hurried off, flipping through the papers on their clipboard. B turned slowly to the Fam, who started all talking at once. 

“You didn’t realize we would be performing?”

“What are we gonna _do_?”

“I can do an a capella rendition of All Star.”

“Alright, alright. Shit- _don’t even try it_ -um. Look, All Star isn’t sounding too bad right now…”

“We are not doing All Star,” said Gwen, giving Miles a warning look.

“We could just do Spider stuff, I guess? That is kind of why we’re here.”

“Wait!” The rest of the Fam turned to look at Noir. “I have an idea.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

A few hours later, they were walking through the streets of New York. Peter had exited Noir’s coat and was having a great time doing silly dances for the small kids he could see in the crowd. He knew they were getting close to the mat, and he thought about Erika’s poor face when they’d explained their plan to them. They had rubbed their face slowly before furiously taking notes. 

“So you don’t need backup music?” B shook his head. “Alright. Do you want our people to help you?”

“If they want to, I guess. I’m not too picky.” Erika nodded at Gwen as they wrote. “And we’ll need a mic for each of us...Peni, how are we mic-ing you?”

“Just have them hand it to me through here.” Peni popped her head out and waved. “Holy shit, it’s cold.”

“Ok. Ok. I’ll tell them. Thank you.” They had hurried off at that point, and Peter hoped they hadn’t been the worst part of Erika’s day. The Fam turned a corner and saw the mat, currently occupied by a marching band. 

“You all ready for this?”

“Look, there’s a lot of reasons to wear a mask. This is going to be one of them.”

“It’ll be fine, don’t worry.” They inched forward, and Peter saw Gwen pull out her pendant. It was almost time. 

After what felt like a much longer stretch of time than it was, they heard an announcer through the crowd: “And next up, we have Spider-Man, with the...Spider-Fam!” There was a loud cheer as the Fam ran onto the mat and waved. Gwen and Miles both threw up portals to Gwen’s room as stagehands ran over with mics. 

As he was handed a mic, Peter had a thought. “Shit.”

“Not into the mic, Ham, and what?”

“I sound like John Mulaney, remember?” Noir started losing it behind him. Peter looked around and watched as Gwen and Miles, along with a few stagehands from the parade, loaded Gwen’s drums onto the mat. They were about to go. _Shit._ “I’ll just have to throw my voice more than usual, I guess…”

In front of them, they saw someone gesturing for them to get started. “Well, here goes nothing…” B stepped forward and waved, generating another wave of cheering. “Hey, everyone. I’m Spider-Man, which you probably know. These are my friends. You remember all those portals a few months ago? Yeah, uh, surprise, I guess.” Noir, seeing that B was panicking a little, stepped up.

“We will be performing a song about being a Spider-Hero, along with a demonstration of the stuff we do.” Peter looked behind them to see Miles accepting a mic from a quickly retreating stagehand. 

“And, I would like to address the elephant in the room: yeah, I’m a pig. Just remember, from my perspective, you all are the weird-looking ones.” There was a ripple of laughter at that, and Peter breathed out slowly. He was trying to add gravel to his tone that was normally not there, and it seemed to be effective. 

“Alright, we have to keep this show moving, let’s go!” Gwen quickly got a beat going on drums, and the Fam launched into the song and choreography they had come up with before the parade. 

It certainly wasn’t fine art, but the crowd seemed to enjoy it, especially the fake fights they had designed. Peni switched with Gwen at one point so the older girl could have her chance to solo, and Peni did marvelously. They finished with a surprisingly on-key chord, and the crowd swelled with applause. Stagehands ran on to help them strike, and Peter could feel his heart beating a thousand miles a minute from the adrenaline. 

As soon as they were cleaned up, the Fam hurried off the mat, waving some more. They started giving high fives and hugs to each other as they walked, and Miles kissed Gwen on the cheek. As they walked, more people started asking for signatures from all the Spiders, which surprised them. B had been the one getting asked before, since he was this dimension’s Spider-Man, but it seemed like their performance had inspired people to want autographs from the others as well. 

At one point, B almost stopped walking. “Mother-” He grabbed his phone from his pocket and walked a little away from the group, calling someone. 

“B?” After a short conversation, B put his phone away and ran to Noir and Peter, who were walking next to each other. 

“Ham, can I borrow your boyfriend?”

“Um...why?”

“I’ll explain more later, but this really shitty anti-gay group is up ahead, and I want to kiss him in front of them, if you two are ok with it.”

Peter and Noir looked at each other, then nodded. “Go get em.” Noir squeezed Peter’s shoulder before B grabbed his hand and they ran forward, to where Peter could see a small group of angry looking people with colorful signs. 

“Hey, you fucks!” As the group looked over, B grabbed Noir and passionately kissed him. The crowd, who had noticeably separated themselves from the protestors, cheered. 

Peni’s voice, clearly amplified, started shouting “Spider-Fam says gay rights!” Gwen, Miles, and Peter joined in, and soon a large portion of the crowd was shouting with them. As they passed B and Noir, they broke apart and joined the rest of the Fam, also shouting now. This went on for a few minutes until the Fam was out of sight of the protestors. As they laughed, they heard their chant being picked up behind them. 

“Incredible. Hey, B, where’s that interview happening? We’ve given them quite a lot to talk about.”

“Yeah...I think it’s around the next corner.” They all started laughing again, and Peter pulled on Noir’s sleeve. 

“Hey, can I sit on your shoulder? I’m tired, it’ll make it easier for them to see me, and I love you a lot.”

“Three very good reasons, and of course.” Noir leaned down a little and let Peter clamber onto his shoulder. Peter leaned contentedly on Noir’s head as he whispered, “I love you too.”

“Hey, before I forget, I need a selfie with everyone!” B pulled out his phone, and everyone gathered around him as he took a few pictures. “Great, everyone ok if I tweet these?”

“You have a twitter?”

“Yeah! I’m hip! I’m fresh!”

“Sure you are, Brontosaurus.”

As B spluttered and the rest laughed, the Spider-Fam walked down the street waving, and got ready to try and justify their shenanigans on national television. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

SPIDER CHAT

Miles

> Sorry I had to run! I was going to be late for dinner.

b

> No worries, bud

Gwen

> You didn’t miss much. They just thanked us for the interview and performance, and told us we were welcome back next year.

b

> That still surprises me

Ham

> Hey, I thought we did good!

Gwen

> Still meeting tomorrow?

b

> Yeah, come by around noon? We’ll figure something out

You

> Sounds good! :)

~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, the Fam had congregated in B’s apartment, and Miles, Peter, and Gwen had their faces pressed up against his window. They were looking at the snow, which had accumulated a lot since the previous day, and was still coming down. 

“It hasn’t snowed yet in my dimension!” Miles said, bouncing on the balls of his feet. 

“Yeah, the weather’s been wild here. I’m trying not to dwell on why that is.”

“Can we go out in it?” Miles and Gwen looked over at Peter and nodded. 

“Please? Look how pretty it is!”

Ham walked over and added, “Your Central Park is gorgeous in the snow, I could grab my camera.”

“Can you imagine a snowball fight with the six of us?”

“YES!” B started laughing as the other five started excitedly discussing strategies. 

“Ok, I think we have a consensus. You all are going to want warmer clothes, though.” So the Fam quickly opened portals back to their homes, and started dressing to have a snow day. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter was huddled behind his snow wall, quickly making snowballs. He had a bright red scarf wrapped around the bottom half of his face which, along with his brimmed hat, was doing its best to keep people from realizing he was greyscale. They hadn’t gotten any weird looks yet, so he figured it had to be working. 

After making a few more snowballs, Peter cautiously poked his head over the edge of his fort. He could see snow angels between the other forts, but no other Spiders were making their presence known. He ducked back down and grabbed a snowball, then quickly popped up and flung it at B’s fort. As he went back down, he heard a muffled shout as his projectile seemingly hit B. 

Suddenly, his Sense pinged on something rapidly coming up behind him. He quickly turned, only to be bowled over by a familiar small blur. He yelled as he fell back into the snow, his hat knocked sideways on his head. He looked up to see Ham triumphantly sitting on top of him. Like him, Ham had to have a disguise in this world. So, they had wrapped his normal scarf over his nose, and put a large hat on to cover his ears. This meant that Peter could only see his eyes shining in delight over the edge of the scarf. 

“Your hat’s crooked, nerd.”

“Maybe I like it like that.” Without warning, Peter reached up and pulled Ham in for a kiss with one hand, and grabbed a snowball and mushed it into his back with the other. Ham yelled and spun away, letting Peter get back up. 

“No fair, you distracted me!”

“All’s fair in love and war!” And as Peter and Ham started flinging snowballs at each other, they heard yelling from in front of Peter’s fort. They looked over to see the three kids charging them, arms full of snow. Peter and Ham turned their attention to the rushing children, pelting them with snowballs and cackling. 

As the kids reached them, they saw B pop up and yell, “Hey, why didn’t you all tell me we were doing this?” Peter and Ham screamed as Miles, Gwen, and Peni dumped their piles of snow on their heads. 

“This is a snowball fight, not whatever that was!” spluttered Ham through a mouthful of snow.

“Oh, so you don’t want to help us do this to B?”

“I didn’t say that.” So Peter and Ham joined the kids in scooping up as much snow as they could carry. 

“Hey, what are you all- _oh no_.” B had started walking towards them, but once he saw what they were doing, he started sprinting in the other direction. The other five laughed and gave chase, running full speed through the snow. They watched as B tripped on something and stumbled, letting them catch up. 

Miles slid into a soccer tackle, taking out B’s legs, and the others ran up and covered him in snow. “You’re Peter Blizzard Parker now!”

“Why did I agree to have a snow fight with the only other super powered people I know?”

“Because you love us a lot!”

“I mean, yeah.” B sat up, snow falling into his lap. “I’ve gotta say, though, Ham. You are a very fast toddler.” Everyone laughed, including Ham. 

“Thanks, Dad!”

“Ok, we’re not doing that.” As they laughed more, their Senses pinged on something small approaching them from the right. They looked over to see a small, white dog in a sweater trotting towards them. The kids squealed and ran over to pet, and Ham followed close behind. B motioned for them to bring the dog to him, and he checked for a collar under the sweater. 

“Her name’s Petunia, apparently. There’s a phone number too.” Petunia panted happily as everyone in the Fam pet her, scratched behind her ears, and in general cooed over her. “Let’s wait a little in case the owner comes by, but then we can call-”

“Hey, it looks like someone’s coming.” The Fam looked up to see a man traipsing through the snow, seeming to follow the path Petunia had taken. “Noir, Ham, make sure you two are covered.” They gave a thumbs up as they adjusted their clothing. 

“Hey, wait a second. He looks familiar.”

“What do you mean?” They all squinted at the approaching figure, then Peni gasped. 

“Petunia, guys. It’s John Mulaney.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

John and Anna sat on a bench in Central Park, watching Petunia frolic in the snow. “Did you see the pictures Spider-Man tweeted yesterday?”

“Yeah, it was nice. I’m glad we have a weird Spider family protecting New York.”

Anna patted her leg to call Petunia over as she said, “Can’t believe three of them are kids. Can you imagine?”

“I certainly couldn’t have been a super-hero as a teenager. I would have been apologizing to the villains as I punched them.” As Anna laughed, Petunia’s ears perked up. The couple watched as their dog suddenly started galloping off into the depths of the park. “Petunia!”

“You can’t run, Petunia, what are you doing?”

“Does Petunia realize she was designed not to run?”

“I don’t know! I can’t read her mind!” They stood up, and John turned to Anna. 

“I’ll go, you stay here in case she loops back.”

“Alright.” John started jogging through the snow, following the tracks Petunia had left behind. After a few minutes, he could see a group of people gathered around something, and they seemed to be in the path Petunia had taken. 

As he got closer, one of the people looked up at him and waved, calling out, “I think we have your dog.”

“Probably! Thanks!” John finally closed the distance, and he could now see that he was looking at a group of six people: two adults, one with a black brimmed hat, and four kids, including one who seemed to be a toddler. 

One of the kids looked up and nervously said, “Hi, Mr. Mulaney. We’re all, uh, big fans of yours.”

“Well, thank you so much. How are you all doing?” He wasn’t in a hurry to start heading back; Petunia seemed to be in a state of ecstasy, what with the amount of attention she was getting, and he was a little out of breath from jogging. 

“We’re good, just having a family day. Yourself?” One of the dads, he presumed. John could just make out his eyes under the hat. 

“I’m good, was on a walk with my wife and this little goblin. I should text her, let her know Petunia’s ok.” Petunia looked up, seeming to hear her name as he pulled out his phone. As he typed, he said, “It’s always weird when I find kids who like my stuff, I don’t see my appeal to you all.”

One of the girls looked up and stated, “Well, we do! Though we have talks about the language, don’t worry.” She almost said this to the father without a hat, who sighed a little. John figured there was some teen stuff going on, and didn’t comment. 

“Yeah, I did your Salt and Pepper diner prank in my-”

“Hometown! When we went to visit. As a family.” The kid who had been interrupted looked relieved, or so John thought before the expression disappeared off his face. The other girl smiled at him innocently. _That was weird…_

Trying not to dwell on it, John asked, “How did it go?”

“It was great! No one had heard the bit, so they didn’t know what hit them!” The non-hat dad reached over and ruffled the kid’s curly hair, and John was struck with a feeling of familiarity he couldn’t quite place. 

“Yeah, these kids, so rambunctious.”

“I can’t imagine four kids, I commend you two.” 

To John’s confusion, the toddler seemed to look up at this, and he was left with the impression of eyes that knew far too much as Hat-dad quickly said, “Yeah, four kids. Very fun.” Before John could process the eyes or Hat-dad’s tone, Petunia broke away from the group to go bite at a random patch of snow. 

“We got her, Mr. Mulaney!” The three older kids ran after the dog, leaving John standing over the two dads and the toddler. As he looked at Hat-dad, the shadows on his exposed face seemed to play tricks on him. The red scarf reflected strangely in his eyes, and the feeling of recognition from before pinged again. 

“They don’t have to call me Mr. Mulaney, I have not earned that kind of title,” he muttered, trying not to let his musings affect his face. “How old is this little guy?”

Non-hat-dad looked over at the toddler, who seemed to realize they were just sitting there and started throwing little handfuls of snow around. “Um, he’s 3.” He seemed to glance at Hat-dad for confirmation. 

“Oh, cool. I’m uh, gonna be honest, I’m not sure what that means in, like, real world terms.”

Hat-dad looked slightly panicked. “He’s, uh eating.”

“Solid foods, of course. Uh, he can compare sizes of objects. He could hop and stand on one foot for five seconds! If he wanted to.” John and Hat-dad stared at Non-hat-dad, who sheepishly explained, “I like parenting books. Oh, he knows about 250 to 500 words. Or something like that.”

The toddler looked up in what John would say was alarm, but that didn’t make sense. Hat-dad nudged him and said, “Uh, Peter, this is John Mulaney. He’s the comedian we all like.”

The toddler looked up at John. “Hi.” The voice was high, which John expected, but he didn’t expect the strongest wave of recognition yet. _What the hell-_

Non-hat-dad looked over where the three other kids were playing with Petunia. “Be careful, kids!” They had started throwing snowballs at each other and giggling. Suddenly, a throw went wide and started heading right for John. 

Before he could say anything, Hat-Dad turned around as if he could feel the projectile coming, and accidentally stepped into its path. It hit his hat, knocking it to the ground. 

“Oh no-” John stood in shock as the man quickly picked up the hat, then looked at him with a guilty expression painting his monochromatic face. It was like he’d stepped out of a 30s detective film. The kids ran up, also looking worried, and it finally clicked: he was looking at the Spider-Fam. 

“Spider-Man?” Non-hat-dad looked up sheepishly. 

“Surprise?” John looked around, trying to figure out how to react. His eyes landed on the toddler-no that must be-

The small figure reached up and pulled his scarf down, revealing that he was, in fact a pig. He winked at John and said, “You can use this in your next special!”

“Ham, we shouldn’t freak him out more.” It was far too late for that, as John stared open mouthed at the pig talking in his own voice.

“Hey, you know we’ve all wanted to tell him.”

“Jesus Christ…” The group spun to look at John, who wanted to sit down. 

“We would, uh, appreciate it if you didn’t reveal our secret identities.”

“Yeah. I’m uh, big fans of you all too. I won’t.” John was surprised at how calm his voice was. “Just, one question. Why, uh-”

“Do you sound like me?” John nodded. “We don’t know. I guess we’re the only ones powerful enough to wield this voice.” Everyone laughed, and John could feel the shock fading. 

“I’m sorry, did I hear that correctly? John Mulaney is a fan of ours?” The three kids gave each other fistbumps. “Hell yeah. You should do a tv show here, that’s what my Mulaney does.”

Spider-Man slowly turned to look at the teen boy as John started laughing. “You didn’t tell me your John had a tv show.”

“Yeah, it’s super popular here. His stand up isn’t that good, though.”

“Holy shit.” John quickly covered his mouth as Spider-Man sighed. “Sorry about that.”

“We’ve kind of given up on it, don’t worry.”

“Yeah, Bleep!” Spider-Man picked up a handful of snow and threw it at the girl who had spoken, making her laugh harder. John felt his phone buzz, and he pulled it out to see that Anna had texted him a question mark. 

“I should head back. Thanks for saving the city.” John hesitated before asking, “Is it ok if I use this in a bit? Or was that a joke?”

“We would be honored,” said Hat-Dad, and John noticed that he looked exactly like Spider-Man, albeit a little younger and in greyscale. 

“Awesome. Well, good night. It was really nice to meet you all.” As they gave Petunia one final pat, John was overcome with an emotion he couldn’t quite identify. These were just six people (well, five people and a pig), just like him. But they had been bitten, and they chose to save the city every day. Shit. “Thanks again for everything, I guess.”

“Nice meeting you too!”

“Just doing our job.” They all waved, and Petunia came trotting over, and the two walked back to the bench where Anna was waiting. 

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah. I, uh. I just met the weird Spider family protecting New York.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that evening, the Fam was back in B’s living room. Everyone had a mug of hot chocolate, and they were getting ready to watch a movie. Noir, as they had been getting ready, had jumped up and, without explanation beyond ‘I’ll be back in a second’, portaled to his room. While they waited for him to come back, everyone got themselves in a comfortable position. They had pushed the furniture to the edges of the room, and had piled pillows up in front of the couch to make a spider nest. 

“Hey, do you think John will give us free tickets to his next show?”

“Maybe. We are in it, kind of.”

Noir appeared again, stepping through the portal and closing it behind him. He held a large bundle in his hands, which he let unravel as he said, “I finished the blanket.” The Fam gasped as a blanket large enough to fit all of them was laid out. It was divided into six sections, color wise: red and blue spirals; black and red stripes; white, pink, and black zigzag; red and blue stripes; black and white zigzag; and red and blue lines. In the middle, there was a spider shape, and each section combined to help form it. 

“Noir, this looks incredible!” Noir’s face lit up. 

“Thank you, it was a complex project.”

Everyone grabbed it to pull over to the nest as B started up the TV. They all settled underneath it, shoulders and stomachs becoming headrests as they tried valiantly not to spill their drinks. As B navigated to the menu, he sniffed a little and wiped his eyes. Immediately, five sets of hands found his shoulders, or his head, rubbing slightly. 

“Are you ok, B?”

“Yeah, “ he said, eyes shining above a content smile. “I’m just...I love you all, a lot. I’m lucky to have you.”

“We’re lucky to have you.” B pressed play, and the Spider-Fam settled more into their pile. Gwen and Miles leaned on each other, using the other’s leg as a drink rest. Ham had burrowed into Noir’s side, his head poking out from under the blanket. At some point, all six of them fell asleep, the tv’s light flickering softly on their faces. 

This wasn’t an end, or a beginning. It was a shining moment in the story of the Fam’s lives together. They knew that the days to come would be a mixed bag; they always were, for Spider-people. But they knew they would be fine, no matter what, because they knew they weren’t alone, not ever. And that, in the end, was what mattered most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit. We did it. 
> 
> The end fic note below is going to get long, so I'll put the TL;DR here.
> 
> Please leave kudos and comments as you so desire here, and feel free to visit me on tumblr, @one-true-houselight
> 
> Thank you all so much!
> 
> And, in the wildly unlikely event John Mulaney sees this, I'm sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit. Welcome to the end of this fic! We made it! Like I say above, this is going to to get long and sappy, so feel free to skip. 
> 
> First off, thank you for reading, from the bottom of my heart. This is the biggest thing I’ve ever worked on, and it’s been humbling to see so many others enjoying too. I’m super proud of this, and I’m glad I get to share it! 
> 
> Second, like I say above, I have many plans for the Fam! There are ideas for a sequel, a Buzzfeed Unsolved AU, a Live Action AU, among others. PLease come talk to me, about the fic, or the ideas, or about anything! I am friendly, I think! Also, if you want to do anything with ideas from this universe, please feel free! I would love it if you sent it to me or tagged me in it!
> 
> And finally, go forth and and have a good day. No matter what, you can be a hero in your universe, and there are people who love you. You deserve to thrive in whatever you choose to do. 
> 
> Thanks again!


End file.
